The Virgin Romance Novelist

Her bosom heaved at an alarming rate as his rough hand found its way down to her soft, yet wiry briar patch... Can you say briar patch in a romance novel? What about meat sword? That’s what it is…a meat sword, right, all meaty and sword like, slaying through the inner dungeons of a woman’s dark desires. What about breasts? Do bosoms really heave? God, I have no idea what happens when private parts touch. I’m a virgin trying to write a romance novel and can’t seem to write past a sex scene thanks to my lack of experience. My two best friends encourage me to drop the pen for a while and gain some real life practice through multiple dating facets such as blind dates, online profiles, and random hookups. But losing my virginity is proving to be tougher than expected…