The Firework Exploded

Sam and Noel's whirlwind Christmas romance shot through Valentine's Day and is exploding on the Fourth of July!
"You should get married on the 4th," they said. "It will be so romantic," they said.
Did you know that during a pyrotechnic display, a single firework travels 481 feet per second and can take out a small village? Did you know it can also singe the ball hair off of any man standing within a mile radius of said-pyrotechnic display (and singed ball hair smells a lot like a sh*t-filled baby diaper that's been lit on fire), and it can make a vintage wedding dress go up in flames like a barn full of dry hay?
Yeah, me either...