Don't Be Cruel

A law-student stripper, two inept hitmen, the First Church of Elvis, Scientist, and a small-time mobster's biggest scam. Things are about to get all shook up in this hilarious novel filled with explosions, attempted murder, intrigue, and a whole lot more. Indescribable…except…in a word. FUNNY. PRAISE FOR MIKE ARGENTO & DON'T BE CRUEL “It’s an understatement to say that Mike Argento is a funny writer. His wit unfolds across every character, scene and scenario of ‘Don't Be Cruel.’ Virtually every page elicits grins and frequent gut-busting laughs. I’ll never sit in a church pew again without looking at the altar and imagining the worship service at the First Church of Elvis, Scientist.” - Mike Leonard, columnist, The Herald Times, Bloomington, Ind. “Who would've thunk Mike Argento had it in him to write anything as consistently funny, profane and gratuitously outrageous as ‘Don't Be Cruel?’ If Spew, Nunn, ‘Traci with an I,’ the First Church of Elvis, Scientist and the whole crew don't put you in cracked ribbed territory early and often, well, you might as well tie a tag around your own big toe and go work for Rick Santorum. This is a deeply American tragicomedy, rooted in postmodern sensibility, insouciant nihilism and hillbilly smarminess. There's even a little sweetness stabbing around the contours of its narrative heart, which beats as solidly as anything this side of St. Vonnegut. It races along like those early Elvis Costello records, pulling you by the throat into some pretty dark corners thanks to its irresistible rhythms. Argento delights in kicking us in the balls while proclaiming his undying love.” - Tony Norman, columnist, Pittsburgh Post Gazette “In his first novel, the delightfully goofy ‘Don't Be Cruel,’ Mike Argento proves once again he's a twisted bastard with a heart of gold. This crime caper novel is filled with classic Argento observations of true life absurdities that devoted readers of his columns (and there are more than a few of us) will immediately recognize and appreciate. He’ll hate me for saying it, but his sentimental side is on fine display in ‘Don't Be Cruel.’ As I have done countless times, I'm simultaneously shaking my head head wondering, ‘What the hell is wrong with that boy?’ as I'm smiling and thinking, ‘Awwwwww.’” - Lauri Lebo, author, “The Devil in Dover: An Insider's Account of Darwin v Dogma in Small Town America” "Bizarre, clever and full of pitch black humor, ‘Don’t Be Cruel’ is one hell of a debut novel! Argento's voice, prose, and wit are sharp as razors." - Brian Keene, bestselling author of “Ghoul” and “Darkness on the Edge of Town” "Mike wrote a book?" - Jack Mayer, postal worker, musician