Domesticated

I was once told that I was like an animal. Animals were naturally conditioned, just like the rodent that I was, I needed to be conditioned. Aristocrats in our class had a trained way of living. Women had their place beside their hard-working spouses and weren't allowed to rock the boat.
As a small child, I believed in the preparation requirements. Once learned, a conditioned response is hard to get past. No matter how much I tried, it was a part of me - deep within my subconscious. No matter how much I wanted it to be different, it never was, and nobody could change what had been acclimatized profoundly in my mind.
I knew what I did was wrong. I knew what I hid from the world was dirty. And I knew Garrison would never understand. However, I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t control it. No matter how hard I tried. It was always there, always a part of me, and who I was.