108. An Archangel Called Ivan

It then suddenly struck Arliva with a feeling of horror that maybe she would never find anyone who would love her for herself. She wanted the love her father and mother had had for each other which was why he had never married again, although at times he must have been very lonely. ‘I just want to be loved for myself,’ she thought. ‘I don’t want anyone who pretends to care for me because they want my money or anything else I possess.’ Yet she could not stop herself worrying that it was something she might never find. She felt as if her money was encircling her with tight cords that would prevent her from ever knowing the meaning of real love, the love that everyone wanted, the love of a man and a woman simply because he was the other half of herself. ‘That is what I want,’ Arliva said to herself, ‘but because I am so rich it is a gem I will never find. Even if I want to believe a man loves me I will be quite certain that he will be grasping for that great fortune which exists in my name. Oh, please God, what shall I do?’ The prayer came directly from her heart.