"That might be for the best, even for a few days. But I doubt she'll go." She opened her mouth, shut it again.
"What?"
"I know her so well. I have such strong feelings for her. But I'm still a psychiatrist. I believe I know how she'll react, at least initially. I don't want you to feel as if I'm overstepping or violating her privacy by…analyzing."
"I know she matters to you. Tell me what to expect."
"She'll want to hide. In sleep, in silence, in solitude. She may very well lock you out."
"She won't have much luck with that."
"But she'll want to, try to, simply because you're closer to her than anyone ever has been. I'm sorry," she said and pressed her fingers to her left temple. "Could I trouble you for a little brandy?"
"Of course." Instinct had him laying a hand on her cheek. "Dr. Mira," he said very gently, "sit down."
She felt weak and weepy. Sitting, she steadied herself, waited while Roarke took a decanter from a carved cabinet and poured her a snifter of brandy.
"Thank you." She took a small sip, let it warm her. "This suspension, the suspicion, the mark on her record is not just a matter of the job and procedure to Eve. Her identity was taken from her once before. She rebuilt it and herself. For her, this has stripped her of it again, of what and who she is. What she needs to be. The longer she closes herself down, closes herself off, the harder it will be to reach her. It may affect your marriage."
He only lifted a brow at that. "She won't have any luck with that whatsoever."
Mira gave a quiet, shaky laugh. "You're a very stubborn man. That's good." She sipped more brandy, studying him. And what she saw eased some of her own worry. "At some point, you may find yourself having to put your sympathy for her situation aside. It would be easier for you to coddle and pamper and let her drift. But I think you'll recognize the point where she'll need you to make her take the next step."
She sighed then, set the brandy aside. "I won't keep you from her any longer, but if there's anything else I can do. If she wants to see me, I'll come."
He considered her loyalty, her affection, and wondered how they weighed against her duty. He never minded playing the odds. "How long will it take for you to complete a full-level search and scan on Bowers?"
"The paperwork is being rushed through on the orders for it. It shouldn't take more than another day, perhaps two."
"I have the data now," he said simply and waited while she stared at him.
"I see." She said nothing while he helped her into her coat. "If you transfer the data to my home unit, my pers
onal unit," she added with a glance over her shoulder. "I assume you have no trouble accessing my personal unit?"
"None whatsoever."
She laughed just a little. "How very terrifying you are. If you transfer what you have, I'll begin work on it this evening."
"I'm very grateful." He saw her off, then went back upstairs to watch over Eve.
*** CHAPTER FIFTEEN ***
Dreams chased her, memory bumping into memory in a chaotic race. Her first bust and the solid satisfaction of doing the job she'd trained to do. The boy who'd kissed her sloppily when she'd been fifteen and had surprised her because she'd felt no fear or shame, but a mild interest.
A drunken night with Mavis at the Blue Squirrel with so much laughter it hurt the ribs. The mutilated body of a child she'd been too late to save.
The weeping of those left behind and the screams of the dead.
The first time she'd seen Roarke, that dazzling face onscreen in her office.
Then back, always back to a cold room with a dirty red light pulsing against the window. The knife in her hand dripping with blood, and the pain shrieking so wild, so loud, she could hear nothing else. Could be nothing else.
When she woke, it was dark, and she was empty.
Her head throbbed with a dull, consistent ache that was the dregs of weeping and grief. Her body felt hollow, as if the bones had slipped away while she'd slept.
She wanted to sleep again, to just go away.