Author: Tom Angleberger
Category: Humorous
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“Speech! Speech!” the crowd began chanting.
“Ladies and gentlemen,” President Horse G. Horse bellowed into the microphone. “Here is our thrilling national hero, FLYBLAP!”
President Horse G. Horse handed me the microphone, along with the Presidential Medal of Awesomeness. Dozens of cameras zoomed in for a close-up.
As I stood there on the steps of the Capitol Building looking out at the crowd, I realized my dream of being the Greatest Detective in the World had at last come true! Spread out before me were thousands and thousands of happy animals, all chanting my name. Where was Nina? I wanted her to see this!
“Flyblap! Flyblap! Flyblap!”
As I raised the microphone to my mouth, the crowd grew quiet. In the sudden silence, I thought I heard a distant munch, munch, munch.
Chapter 21
Then there was a really loud cracking sound above my head.
We all looked up. The statue of me had a big crack running right through the middle!
“NOOOOOOOOOOO!” shouted President Horse G. Horse.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” shouted Vanessa Cowcow.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” shouted me.
The statue of me was toppling over! It had split in two, and the gargantuan—but handsome—likeness of my head was falling slowly to earth.
CRAHHHBASSHHHAKAAAWABLAH!
First it crushed the Capitol Building, then the art museum, the hospital, the fire station, the ice cream parlor, all remaining frozen yogurt stands, the mall, the videogame store, the videogame factory, a stadium where the greatest band in the world was giving a free concert, a playground with a really cool slide, the taco restaurant that makes the best tacos ever, and, lastly, the White House.
My statue was no more . . . and the nation’s capital was in ruins.
“My shakers . . . my shakers,” wailed the President. But then he looked around and smiled. “But at least my beautiful new presidential limousine is still OK.”
Just then the statue of President Horse G. Horse broke in two. The enormous rear end of the giant horse fell backward and crashed right on top of the presidential limousine. It landed so hard that the ground shook like we were having an earthquake.
Everyone was knocked down by the shockwave, and as they staggered to their feet, I could see that they weren’t happy anymore! They weren’t hushed anymore! They were furious!
“Get him!” They all roared in unison and surged toward the steps.
Luckily, I wasn’t there anymore!
Chapter 22
The shockwave had started my skateboard rolling, then bouncing uncontrollably down the steps.
Desperately, I wrapped a vine around the board to keep from being thrown off. At the bottom of the steps, I landed on the street with a bounce, and because Capitol Hill is pretty steep, I kept on rolling and picking up speed.
I didn’t know how I was going to stop. But I didn’t want to stop! I just wanted to get away from the angry mob, which was now chasing me.
Leading the pack of furious donkeys, pigs, sheep, ducks, and nearly naked geese was the President himself, screaming, “Get him! Get Flyblap!”
Then I heard a whistling-munching sort of sound in the air. I looked up to see an animal falling out of the sky. It looked like it was going to fall right on top of me!
SPLAT!
It did fall right on top of me!
It was Nina! She was still chewing on a big chunk of my statue. I always knew she would eat me one day!
“Nina!” I scolded as we careened uncontrollably through the rubble-strewn streets of the half-ruined city. “You destroyed the Capitol, the White House, most of the city, my statue, and my reputation! I hope you’re happy!”
“Not really,” said Nina, spitting out a mouthful of statue. “You tasted terrible.”
“That’s hurtful,” I said.
Behind us the screaming, yelling, and bleating were getting louder. The crowd was gaining on us.
“Nina! The President, the Congress, the Supreme Court, the Secret Service, the Army, the Navy, the Marines, the Coast Guard, the Department of Agriculture, AND the TV news reporters are all chasing us! Even you can’t outrun them all! We’ve got to find somewhere to hide!”
“How about behind that very large metal pickle?” asked Nina.
Nina swerved the skateboard, and we crashed to a stop in the shadow of a giant pickle, just in time.
The President, the Congress, the Supreme Court, the Secret Service, the Army, the Navy, the Marines, the Coast Guard, the Department of Agriculture, AND the TV news reporters all rushed past.
“Aha,” I whispered. “I just solved the mystery of the big, lost pickle paperweight.”
“Big dill,” said Nina.
Chapter 23
Inspector Flytrap! Welcome!”
I looked up . . . Who could possibly be glad to see me?
It was Penguini!
“Please come around to the back,” he said. “My restaurant has been destroyed, but my trash cans are still full of delicious trash . . . and flies! Your table is ready for you in the alley, and your beautiful date has just arrived.”
My date! I had forgotten all about her!
“And Nina . . . your date is here, too!” said Penguini.
Nina pushed me around to the trash cans as fast as she could. A little too fast, really! I barely had time to straighten my tie and uncrumple my leaves.
Penguini poured some sparkling water into our pots, and Wanda and I gazed into each other’s eyes. In the distance, the police, the President, the President’s mom, and the entire United States military continued their search.
And we lived happily ever after.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
TOM ANGLEBERGER is the author of the bestselling Origami Yoda series, as well as Fake Mustache and Horton Halfpott, both Edgar Award nominees, and the Qwikpick Papers series. Visit Tom online at origamiyoda.com.
ABOUT THE ILLUSTRATOR
CECE BELL is the author of the New York Times bestselling El Deafo, which won a Newbery Honor. She is also the author of The Rabbit and Robot books. Tom and Cece are married and live in Christiansburg, Virginia.