Author: Beverley Oakley
Category: Nonfiction
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But then Mr Dalgleish had grown suddenly impatient or overeager. She couldn’t make sense of it. He’d begun to rush things in a way she didn’t understand, and she didn’t like. What was all that with his hands creeping up her legs, pushing up her skirt? The sense of invasion had been at first uncomfortable, then unnerving, then downright terrifying.
And she hadn’t had the least idea how to extricate herself from the situation.
She’d tried to push him away, but he seemed to heed nothing of what she wanted.
“Miss?” Mabel put her head round the door with an enquiring look. “Are yer all right, miss? It’s jest, the mistress wants ter see yer now.”
Lizzy brought her hands to her eyes. “Tell her I’ll see her later.” She glanced down at the hem of her skirts, and Mabel, intuiting that Lizzy’s reluctance was on account of the tear that was now apparent, crossed the room, saying soothingly, “It won’t take yer a moment ter change, miss. An’ I can mend that t’night. It’s jest that madam was so outta sorts an’ so insistent I think ’twould be best if yer didn’t disappoint ’er.”
Drawing in a shaky breath, Lizzy rose and allowed herself to be disrobed and then re-dressed by Mabel, all the while feeling like a husk of the girl she’d been before.
“There, don’t yer look a treat.” Mabel stood back and regarded Lizzy with an expression both anxious and reassuring. She patted Lizzy on the back. “Yer’ll be all right, miss. If it’s that Mr Dalgleish yer worryin’ ’bout, then don’t. ‘E’s a nice feller, I reckon. Not as nice as that Mr McAlister, but then, Mr McAlister is already taken.”
“I know.” Lizzy wiped away the wetness on her lashes, but Mabel didn’t seem to notice, as she continued to chatter. “Mr Dalgleish asked afta yer when ‘e recognised me in the corridor last night. Not many fellers are that considerate. An’ yer’ll be away from Mrs ’Odge, if yer marry ’im. Yer’ll like that. An’ yer’ll take me wiv yer, won’t yer, miss? Yer won’t leave me wiv Mrs ‘Odge who’d as like get rid o’ me, anyways.”
“I’ll look after you, Mabel, don’t worry,” Lizzy whispered, passing through the open door the maid had opened.
“An’ Mr Dalgleish will look afta yer. It’ll work out. Yer’ll see.”
It was no surprise that Mrs Hodge’s insistence that Lizzy attend to her immediately was on account of her recent interview with Mr Dalgleish that had ‘caused her some alarm’.
She was seated on a pink and gold striped sofa when Lizzy was ushered into the small private sitting room of the suite the earl and his countess had allocated to her. Clearly, Mrs Hodge’s husband had been held in high esteem by the illustrious family for her to receive treatment like this.
And Mrs Hodge looked like she had taken to her lavish surroundings like Queen Cleopatra. She’d been reading a book of fashion plates with rapt interest, but her expression assumed its usual hard edge the moment Lizzy crossed her vision causing her to look up.
“What do you have to say for yourself, girl?” Lizzy’s custodian demanded, her nostrils flaring as she rested the magazine beside her. “Are you in the habit of taking such risks as to meet with single young men, alone and unchaperoned?”
Lizzy didn’t know what to say. Mrs Hodge was lambasting her? Whatever small kernel of courage she’d managed to cultivate, withered and died. She swallowed nervously. “It was Lady Quamby who suggested we take a walk to the folly,” she whispered. “I didn’t know Mr Dalgleish was waiting there.” She hesitated, frowning through her confusion, before adding, “I…I thought you wanted me to marry him.”
“Indeed I do, but I also want you to conduct yourself with the dignity of your station and not to embarrass me into the bargain.”
“Ma’am, I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Lizzy said in a small voice. “It wasn’t a…pre-planned, clandestine meeting. And, as I said, Lady Quamby was with me.”
“When you were with Mr Dalgleish?” Mrs Hodge’s bosom rose. “Are you telling me you had her chaperonage the whole time?”
“No, Lady Quamby left and—”
“And you were alone with Mr Dalgleish in a darkened room. Alone and unchaperoned.” It was not a question. Mrs Hodge said it with relish.
“I didn’t meet with him on purpose. I never intended—”
“It makes little difference what you intended, my girl. The fact is that you were observed walking to the folly to meet with him. And now word is all over Quamby House that you behaved like a little trollop. Not only have you dragged your reputation through the mud, you’ve dragged mine along with it.” Mrs Hodge exhaled heavily. “I see no other course than for you to announce your intention to marry the gentleman at tonight’s ball. I understand now that your willingness to entertain the idea has made you impatient. But you were foolish into the bargain. I don’t like to see you rewarded for your behaviour, but sometimes life will do that—reward the most undeserving.”
“But ma’am—”
“No buts, Lizzy. It’s the only way you can continue to hold your head up high; the only way to salvage not only your reputation but mine too.”
“But Mrs Hodge, I’m not sure I want to marry Mr Dalgleish.”
There, she’d said it, and what a relief it was to get those words out. Mrs Hodge couldn’t force Lizzy to marry Harry. And finally, Lizzy had told her so. She exhaled deeply, feeling so much lighter, despite her continued distress, for at last she had announced what she knew beyond a certainty she did not want—marriage to Harry Dalgleish.
When she raised her eyes from the toes of her boots, Mrs Hodge was looking at her as if she were as sinful as Eve in the Garden of Eden.
“Dear lord, Lizzy; I can’t believe what I am hearing with my own ears,” she all but hissed. A faint trembling seemed to make her wobble gently all over, but while her body was soft and weak, her glare was as stony and unyielding as ever. “Are you telling me that you threw yourself into a situation, without heed for anything but your own pleasure, only to withdraw, once satisfied, and declare to all the world that you were just out for a bit of fun? That’s what they’ll think, you know.”
Lizzy shook her head, the panicked feeling she’d felt all afternoon now returning to consume her. “You don’t understand, Mrs Hodge. It wasn’t like that—”
“Ma’am, Mr Dalgleish is ʼere ter see yer.” It was Mabel again, putting her head round the door to announce the gentleman Lizzy least wished to see in all the world.
“Come in, Mr Dalgleish, and what a pleasure to see you. A great deal more of a pleasure than it has been to hear an account of the misdemeanours of this child I’ve been forced to rear since she was still in short skirts. And what kind of loyalty does she repay me with after my years of expense, not to mention the womanly virtues that are so clearly lacking?”
“Now, now, Mrs Hodge, that is harsh; Lizzy has womanly virtues in abundance.” Mr Dalgleish smiled warmly at Lizzy after sending Mrs Hodge a placating glance. “It should be McAlister you’re lambasting on account of his ungentlemanly conduct.” He touched his nose and winced, before saying stoically, “But, are you all right, Lizzy? You seem very discomposed. I hoped to ensure that you were…well, up to the mark and not…” he glanced at Mrs Hodge once more, raising his eyebrows as if to indicate he intended to take a gentle approach and wished her to do the same “in a state of confusion over recent events between us.”
Lizzy gasped. She looked at Mrs Hodge whose beady eyes were trained on her, and then at Harry, who was standing in the centre of the room on the Oriental carpet between both their sofas, smiling in an understanding manner.
Harry clasped his hands, his concern apparent as he went on, “Pray, ask me to leave, Mrs Hodge, if you find my approach too confronting; however, I do want to ensure that Lizzy understands what it is that every young lady must understand when she is on the brink of marriage.”
Lizzy was sure such talk would be considered vulgar and unconscionable in the extreme by Mrs Hodge, so was horrified when that lady simply nodded her head a
nd said, “I have perhaps been remiss in my duties in that respect. As the perfect gentleman, Mr Dalgleish, I’m sure you’ll manage this discussion in a manner that is elucidating and helpful, while perfectly delicate, to all of us. Pray continue.”
Harry nodded, and said quite briskly, “Thank you, ma’am,” before his tone gentled. He approached her with a few careful steps, then took Lizzy’s hands in his. “Lizzy, when I kissed you beneath the mistletoe the other night, you did not dislike it, did you?”
After a slight hesitation, Lizzy shook her head.
“No, that was the impression I gained, and it was why Lady Quamby took it upon herself to take you to meet me at the folly where we could have some privacy. You were weighing up whether to say yes to my marriage proposal, after all, and a measure of privacy between two parties intending to wed is not unreasonable, is it?”
“Most necessary, I’d have thought,” Mrs Hodge interjected.
Lizzy was lost for words. She merely acquiesced when Harry asked the question of her once more.
“And when I kissed you some more, Lizzy, you didn’t object, did you?”
Lizzy bit her lip. No, she hadn’t. Again, she shook her head.
“And you let me kiss you for a very long time, didn’t you?”
Lizzy wrinkled her brow. How had it all started? She’d found herself in near darkness after Lady Quamby had closed the door behind her. Then she’d felt Harry’s arms wrap around her. She hadn’t objected, of course. She wanted to learn more.
And then he’d kissed her, and she hadn’t objected then, either.
“You didn’t object when I kissed you, did you, Lizzy?” His tone was a touch sharper as he repeated the question, and it caused Lizzy to jerk into awareness and shake her head, just as he said, “Answer me, please. My reputation as a gentleman is under scrutiny, and I am anxious that my honour is upheld. You didn’t object when I kissed you? No, you did not. To the contrary, your enthusiasm…” he cleared his throat, before adding, “rather escalated. Please, think back to the very recent past. Would you not say that after I began to kiss you, that your enthusiasm increased?”
Lizzy swallowed, and nodded. “Perhaps, but—”
“And so I took it as a sign that you were very desirous that I continue to show you what a woman who is about to be married would expect once she is married. Out of love and concern for you, I wanted you to know exactly what you were saying yes to when I asked you to marry me.”
“I have great faith in your gentlemanly conduct, Mr Dalgleish, and am well aware of Lizzy’s propensity for overplaying a situation.” Mrs Hodge nodded. “If only more young men showed such consideration as you, Mr Dalgleish, for I have the utmost faith that you in no way overstepped propriety. Lizzy, however, is renowned for her hoydenish behaviour and frequent unbecoming conduct. I don’t wonder she got carried away before collapsing in a fit of hysterics. Now, Lizzy, I want you to apologise to Mr Dalgleish for causing such trouble between him and Mr McAlister. I’ve no doubt you egged on the two men purely for your own self-aggrandisement.”
Harry put a comforting hand on Lizzy’s shoulder and sent Mrs Hodge a sorrowful look. “Now, I wouldn’t go so far as to say that, Mrs Hodge. Lizzy is very young and there is so much she doesn’t understand—”
“And there are many brutes who know nothing of how to be a good husband—”
“Fortunately, Mrs Hodge, I am not one of them,” Harry said warmly, and Lizzy closed her eyes a moment and tried to reconcile her disordered feelings with the calm and good sense he was apparently speaking. How could she explain that while everything had started off well enough, they finished in a way she had not liked at all?
“Please say something, Lizzy,” Harry said softly, tilting her face upwards and looking down at her with soulful eyes. “I really didn’t mean to frighten you. You are a dear, precious girl, and I’d give the world to make you happy.”
Lizzy met his look with no emotion. However, there was expectation in his expression and the appearance that he truly believed he hadn’t pushed past a point he should not have.
But she couldn’t say that, could she? Not in front of Mrs Hodge. Not now, when she couldn’t put into words what had happened. Harry made it sound so trivial. She glanced between the pair of them and battled with the urge to make one final protest. But as she confronted Mrs Hodge’s hard, unyielding expression, and the warmth of Harry’s, a small kernel of self-preservation whispered in her ear that there really was only one way to respond; and that was to yield to those who held the power.
She was a woman, after all.
“Harry, I…I’m sorry—” She stopped suddenly. She’d been going to say she was sorry to have offended him, but she wasn’t at all. Some of her fighting spirit returned, and she pushed out her chest and said as boldly as she dared, “I’m sorry if I gave the impression I liked it—”
“Are you now telling me you didn’t?” He sounded surprised. “I wish you had made that clear. I wish you’d given me some indication. Did you tell me to stop?”
“Yes…I’m not sure…but…I must have!”
“You’re not sure, Lizzy?” Mrs Hodge reared up in her seat, adding sharply, “How is any young man to know what to do if a young lady doesn’t make it clear she does not wish him to continue what he’s doing? Goodness, girl, I’d have thought it quite apparent. You don’t step knowingly into darkened bedchambers or wherever your clandestine meeting was held and throw yourself into a man’s arms and let him kiss you, if you aren’t prepared for the consequences.”
“It’s all part of marriage, Lizzy.”
Lizzy stared at Harry while her insides recoiled with confusion and revulsion. She thought of the magical feelings that had coursed through her when Theo had kissed her. She blushed at the wicked recollection of seeing Angelo in Lady Quamby’s bedchamber and wondering at the time whether Theo was as well built.
And she had wondered, many times, what happened after that.
It was part of the reason she’d not been entirely averse to meeting with Harry alone; so she could discover more of those mysteries between men and women that were part of marriage.
Well, Harry had shown her.
And she hadn’t liked it one bit.
Mrs Hodge huffed out a scandalised breath. “There are things a woman must do to satisfy her husband and fulfil her wifely duties, and the fact that you’ve admitted to your carryings-on with Mr Dalgleish means you must accept the consequences.”
“The consequences?” Lizzy all but squeaked. “Does that mean—?” She put her hand to her belly but fortunately Mrs Hodge interjected, looking uncomfortable, “I’m sure you have quite the wrong end of the stick, Lizzy, for you to be worrying about that. Mr Dalgleish is a gentleman, and he would never take advantage of a young lady who wasn’t his wife.”
“Good lord, no!” Harry’s mouth dropped open, apparently scandalised. “Why, Lizzy, I am beyond offended that you could think to blacken my name in such a manner. Not that you didn’t give me every indication that you wished matters between us to progress further. Indeed, the joy of having a family is something that I have dreamed of for many years. I have searched high and low to find the right woman and at last I have found her.”
“And I come with twenty-five-thousand pounds which is convenient,” Lizzy muttered, clenching her fists.
He went on, as if he hadn’t heard, “And you have known from the start that, like every one of my friends, I am unable to marry for love alone. But the more I’ve come to know you, Lizzy, the more I’ve been captivated by your charm and your wit and loveliness. Ours will be a marriage based on mutual felicity. I offer you my profoundest apologies if I in any way discomposed you, but please, let it be a lesson for the future. We now know how important it is to discuss these matters at the outset, so that there is no confusion. You will do that, won’t you, Lizzy? So that I might learn and strive to be a better husband?”
Lizzy stared at him, his expression searching hers; his hands balled into fis
ts as if her answer meant everything to him.
Yet something in her remained staunchly antagonistic. Yes, she felt foolish at having overreacted as she now saw she had. But there was no yearning in her heart to become Harry’s wife. No yearning equal to what she felt for Mr McAlister.
Harry’s tone softened. “Please, let me take you away from being an underling in a house that you’ve outgrown. It’s time for you to spread your wings and become mistress of your own abode.” He squeezed her hands tightly. “Make me the happiest man alive, dear Lizzy, please, and say you’ll marry me. We shall go anywhere you like for our wedding tour. And you shall have all the fine clothes you could wish for. And then you can begin to decorate the lovely home that I have been willed by my uncle and which I can’t wait to live in…with the woman of my dreams. Please say you’ll marry me.”
Seeing him at her feet, on bended knee, his expression imploring, his words calculated to strike their target, Lizzy closed her eyes and said the only words she could, under the circumstances.
Chapter 22
Fanny knew she should turn back in order to dress for this evening’s ball. But Fenton had wanted to get out of the stifling atmosphere of Quamby House and have her all to himself, as he put it.
And Fanny was always amenable to that.
The scene with Mrs Hodge a couple of hours before had been uncomfortable and, to Fenton, a matter of mild curiosity; for following a discussion on their impish daughter Katherine’s latest naughtiness, Fenton brought up the subject of their young houseguest and the trouble she appeared to be causing.
Or, rather, that her guardian was causing.
“Why is Mrs Hodge so keen to broker a match between Lizzy and Dalgleish when he’s hardly a prime catch—though, granted, he has more to recommend him than Mr McAlister.”
They were passing the old ruin about twenty minutes’ walk from the main house, and although it was dark, the snow and the full moon lent a magical glow to their surroundings.