Author: Amanda Robson
Category: Thriller
Go to read content：https://onlinereadfreenovel.com/amanda-robson/page,3,560635-my_darling.html
Life has moved on. I have a much more attractive partner now. Emma, you are pure class.
14
Jade
Sitting in your drawing room looking across at you Emma, oh jewel of middle-class suburbia. Stereotypically beautiful. Multitoned highlights. Gym-enhanced figure. Long legs. Designer clothing.
If I spend more time with you, will some of your effervescence rub off on me? Shoulder to shoulder. Face to face. Let me get to know you. Teach me your tricks.
I stand up. ‘I need the bathroom, where is it?’ I ask.
‘There’s one off the hallway,’ you answer nonchalantly, keeping your gaze fixed on my husband.
I sidle away unnoticed and irrelevant, but I do not visit the bathroom. I go upstairs and open door after door until I find the master bedroom. Girly and frilly with gold bedding. So girly and frilly it makes me feel sick.
15
Emma
It’s Sunday evening. Jade is standing on my doorstep, smiling at me.
‘Hi,’ she says.
‘Hi,’ I repeat.
‘It was so lovely having you in for drinks. But I’d like some girl time without the men.’ There is a pause. ‘We can talk about them, then.’ She laughs, a small jittery laugh.
I grit my teeth. I like being with men, not talking about them. And we had drinks together only last night. This is claustrophobic. Too friendly, too soon.
‘Would you like to come over for coffee one morning?’ she continues.
I put my head on one side and smile at her. ‘But … but … I work full time.’
‘What if I pop into the surgery tomorrow and take you out for lunch?’
‘Well … I usually have a quick sandwich and do paperwork at lunch.’
‘There’s a sandwich bar a few minutes away. I promise to only keep you twenty minutes.’ She pauses. ‘Pretty please.’
Pretty please? Insipid playground talk harking back to the seventies. I feel like putting my fingers down my throat to let her know the phrase makes me want to vomit.
But she flashes another steely smile at me and I find myself saying yes.
16
Alastair
I’m sitting in my lab taking swabs from a crowbar suspected of being used to smash a garage window by a car thief. It was found on the ground at the crime scene. So many swabs. So many changes of pairs of gloves. Twenty-nine of each so far. I’ll be so glad when I’ve finished. Maybe Jade has a point: you require patience beyond compare to do this job. No one warns you when you apply. TV glamorising our work in crime dramas has a lot to answer for. Swabs finally complete, I place them on the collection tray, and step out of my lab into the changing area.
As I open my locker, pleased to be changing back into my normal clothes, my iPhone buzzes. A text. I grab it. Heather.
I’m going to warn Emma about you.
Leave me alone you creep, I reply.
Don’t say that to me. I’m the mother of your child.
I know she won’t do anything. She has threatened me like this before and nothing has come of it. I take off my scrubs and hang them up. As I pull on my jeans, I shudder inside remembering the girl I first met at school. Sixteen years old, so different from the woman she has become. What happened to the girl I met? The shiny girl with swinging chestnut hair? The girl who swept me along with her bold attitude? She says our relationship breakdown is my fault and bandies about words like ‘coercive control’. But anyone with any sense must realise we just met too young and grew apart. It wasn’t my fault she started to sleep around and smoke dope.
17
Emma
It’s Monday lunchtime and Jade is here, stepping into my consulting room, wearing a stripy trouser suit. Her short hair is shorter than ever, too short to be fashionable. She must have had it cut this morning by a butcher not a hairdresser.
I put the tools I have just finished using into a tray for Tania to sterilise in the autoclave later, grab my coat and walk towards her. ‘I’ve not got long.’
She shrugs. ‘You told me and I’m not bothered. I’m used to being fitted in.’
‘What do you mean?’ I ask.
A grimace. ‘Well, you know. Busy husband and all that.’
We walk through my waiting room, nodding at Andrea as we pass. Outside. Into a sharp, cold day, breath condensing in the air in front of us.
‘How long have you been feeling abandoned?’
‘Ever since I met him.’ Her voice is bitter.
In the sandwich bar, a solid wall of heat pushes against us. The hiss and steam of the coffee machine drowns our conversation. We raise our voices above the background noise to order two cappuccinos and two club sandwiches. Then we sidle towards a table at the back of the shop, as far away from the cacophony as possible.
We wait for our lunch to arrive, huddled at a small wobbly table, knees touching.
‘Tell me about your relationship with Alastair,’ Jade asks.
‘We’ve only just met. On Tinder, a few months ago. We’re busy in the week with our careers, so we just hook up at weekends.’
‘Tomas and I met on Tinder too. I’m not sure Tinder is all it’s cracked up to be.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I think it encourages promiscuity.’ She sighs. ‘Do you feel tempted to use it to roam?’
I shake my head. ‘No. And I don’t think roaming is a good idea. I’m starting a new relationship. I want to make it work.’
‘I know Tomas visited you on the twentieth and twenty-fifty of February.’ Jade gives me a slow, stretched smile. ‘How convenient to have such troublesome teeth, when you have a beautiful dentist.’ She leans across the table so that her breath touches my face. I lean back.
‘I’m flattered that you think I’m beautiful, Jade, but I can assure you, there is nothing between Tomas and me. He needs a crown. It’s my job to help.’
The sandwiches and coffee arrive. Suddenly not hungry, I look down at the food. Not wanting to put up with any more of Jade’s company, I make a show of looking at my watch, and stand up.
‘Sorry, I didn’t realise what the time was. I need to get back to work.’
18
Jade
I know you’ve slept with my husband. I can tell from the way you narrow your eyes when you talk about him. You feel guilty, don’t you? Too guilty to stay and eat lunch with me.
Memories
My earliest memory of the violence is when I was six years old. The day after my birthday. Walking down the stairs to look for my mother, when I woke up in the morning. A sunny morning, sun streaming through the landing window. Usually I called for her and she came to me. Held me in her arms for a hug. But that morning, I called and she didn’t come, so I went to look for her.
I heard her scream.
I crept down the stairs. She was in the lounge, shouting at someone. The door was open. I hid behind it and peered through the gap. My mother was on the floor and my father was kicking her. Her legs, her arms, her back. She was curled up trying to shield her face.
I ran back upstairs and hid in the wardrobe in the spare room. Body and mind trembling.
19
Jade
‘How’s it going, Jade?’ my psychiatrist, Siobhan, asks, leaning back in her chair, flicking her glossy red hair.
‘Not good. I’m sure Tomas is at it again. With a dentist this time.’
‘Have you discussed this with him?’ She pauses. ‘Do you want to come and see me together?’
I sigh. ‘I have asked him. And, as usual, he denies it.’
Siobhan shakes her head and frowns. I watch her tapered nails tapping together.
‘We’ve been through this, so many times. You know he loves you. You know you perceive this situation incorrectly because of your paranoia. I know it’s difficult for you because of your illness, but you need to trust him.’
I shake my head. ‘I can’t. I just can’t.’ I take a deep breath. ‘And you’re not helping. You’re making me feel bullied and
bulldozed into accepting things. Things no woman should have to accept.’
I want to be alone. To scream and cry. To stand on a mountaintop and holler.
Siobhan’s eyes widen in sympathy. ‘I think you need another course of CBT. And I’m going to up your dose of Valium.’ There is a pause. ‘But please, come and see me with Tomas. You always seem so much better after the therapy sessions he is involved in. Try and accept it, Jade. He supports you so much.’
20
Emma
The internal telephone chirrups into my consulting room. I pick up.
‘Your next patient is here. Tomas Covington,’ Andrea announces.
‘Send him in,’ I instruct.
A few minutes later he is stepping towards me. ‘Hello, Emma. Thanks for fitting me in.’
‘My pleasure. Let me take your coat and briefcase.’ I put them on the chair in the corner. ‘Do sit down, make yourself comfy.’
‘Isn’t that a contradiction in terms, when I’m about to have my tooth ground to a stub to anchor a crown?’
‘It should be fine when the anaesthetic kicks in.’ I pause. ‘How has your mouth been?’
‘The pain has gone. I love you for that.’
‘I know you’re only joking, but I don’t think Jade would appreciate what you just said.’
His face crumples. ‘No. I’m sorry; you’re right.’
‘It’s just that whenever I see her it’s clear she’s very suspicious of us both.’ There is a pause. ‘She implied that you only needed dental work so that you could see me. So, I’m feeling sensitive.’
He raises his eyebrows. ‘She must be joking. Who’d want root canal treatment, however hot the dentist?’
‘Exactly. Even if the dentist was Brad Pitt or Leonardo DiCaprio, I’d rather have my teeth intact.’ I shake my head. ‘OK, OK. Come on, sit in the chair, try and relax. I’m taking the mould for your crown today and will then fit the temporary one. You’ll need to come back to have the permanent one fitted in a few weeks, when it’s ready.’
Tomas does as I ask, as Tania puts on classical music. Swan Lake by Tchaikovsky slices into the room as I make up the anaesthetic.
‘Open wide,’ I instruct.
He puts his head back and stretches his mouth. I inject his gum.
‘OK. You can relax now while you wait for the anaesthetic to work.’ He closes his mouth and his eyes. He lies in the chair, almost asleep. I stand looking at him. At his sculptured face. Is Jade hard on him because he is charming and beautiful? Or is he as unreliable as she says? For a second I’m back watching her face spitting towards me, telling me the dates of his visits.
Tania and I busy ourselves preparing for the procedure. We work together like a well-oiled machine, as we have been crowning teeth for so long. Tania readies the drill for me. I arrange the mould. As the anaesthetic begins to work I make an impression of Tomas’ teeth with dental putty. He is a very obliging patient, still and uncomplaining.
Shaping the tooth ready for the crown is the tricky bit. Slowly, carefully, I grind the remainder of the dead tooth to a square peg. Bits of bone and spittle flying everywhere. Now that I’m peering down his throat, Tomas does not seem quite as attractive as before.
Nearly there. I put cord around the base of the tooth, to expose it and make sure we get a good fit. Tania prepares the temporary crown, shooting the acrylic into the mould of his tooth. She keeps a spot out on a tray so that we can see how it sets. Then the most uncomfortable part for him. Clamping the mould with the temporary crown into his mouth and making sure he doesn’t move while it sets.
A perfect patient, still as stone.
It’s done. I remove the clamp. Then I check the bite and drill it back a little.
‘All done,’ I announce. ‘You can rinse.’
21
Jade
You are back at Willow Bank Dental Surgery. I stand outside and watch you slip out of the chair, pull on your coat and hold her body against yours before you leave. Not again Tomas. Please don’t do it to me again. I’ve tried taking more Valium, but it is not a magic pill. Taking Valium has not changed the situation. I know you are in love with someone else.
Memories
Trembling like a leaf in the woody darkness of the wardrobe. Back pressed against the door. Surrounded by dust and fear. By air that tasted musty. By coats we never wore, flapping in my face. Trying to close my mind to the sound of Mother’s piercing screams. Then the screaming stopped.
Footsteps. Clumping up the stairs. My father was calling my name. I could hear him padding across the landing. I moved to the back of the wardrobe, closed my eyes and rolled into a ball. I wanted to go away. I wanted to be anywhere but there. My heart was thumping like a piston in my chest. Blood pulsated and thrashed against my eardrums. I was fighting for air, breathing quickly.
Slowly, slowly, the wardrobe door creaked open. I opened my eyes. My father was peering in. Eyes spitting. Red-faced with anger. My heart beat faster. Faster than I had ever felt it.
‘Get out of there,’ he yelled. ‘Now.’
I scrambled out on all fours and stood up in front of him. Heart still racing. Ears still buzzing.
‘Your mother has fallen in the sitting room. Go downstairs and help her.’
22
Jade
‘Thank you for coming to lunch again, Emma.’
You smile your angelic smile; saccharine and artificial. ‘My pleasure. What did you want to talk about?’
Noise swirls around the coffee bar. I push through the background chatter.
‘Tomas,’ I announce.
You sit up. Your face straightens. Trying to cover up your feelings, aren’t you, Emma? You shake your head.
‘Are you worried about him?’ you ask.
‘I’m worried about myself, in fact.’ I pause. ‘I want to make Tomas love me, like he loves you, Emma.’
You splutter into your coffee cup. You compose yourself and lean across the table towards me.
‘Don’t be ridiculous.’ Your voice is rising in pitch. ‘He doesn’t love me, Jade,’ you continue. ‘I hardly know you both. We’ve all only just met. I’m his dentist. You’re his wife. It’s you he’s in love with.’
‘I knew, from the first moment I saw you, that you two would be together. You are his type. Most men’s type. A template. A stereotype.’
23
Emma
A man I hardly know – who has made no advances towards me – in love with me? And I’m a stereotype? Why did such a clusterfuck have to move next door to me? I stand up to leave.
Memories
I raced downstairs, and pushed the living room door open. My mother was lying on the floor, curled in a ball, holding her stomach, groaning softly. I stepped towards her and bent down.
‘What can I do to help?’
She opened her eyes. ‘Where is he?’ she asked.
‘Upstairs.’
She grimaced and sat up, still holding her stomach.
‘He’ll be all right now. His temper is over.’
I sat next to her on the floor. She put her arm around me. She smelt of blood and fear.
24
Alastair
I’m in the Henley Pizza Express with Stephen, for our Thursday night treat. Sitting at a table by the window. Stephen’s eyes shine with anticipation as he orders the American Hot and dough balls. As he sips a pint of Coke.
‘Daddy, Daddy,’ he asks. ‘Can I see a photo of your girlfriend Emma?’
I pull my iPhone out of my pocket and tap to unlock it. Emma’s golden face shines from my screen. I hand my phone across to him and he grabs it eagerly and sits staring at it, engrossed. He lifts his head.
‘She’s pretty, isn’t she? She looks like Dr Who.’
I frown, confused for a second.
‘Dr Who?’
Then I realise how out of touch I am. Dr Who is no longer a man, but a very striking female actor.
‘Well, yes. Although I think Emma is even prettier tha
n Dr Who when you actually see her.’
‘Wow, Daddy. When do I get to do that?’
My body tightens. ‘Soon. Soon,’ I say, wanting that to be true. But, so far, Emma has not shown any enthusiasm to meet my son.
‘Do you love her, Daddy?’
Fortunately for me, he is distracted by the arrival of the starters. Anything I say will doubtless go straight back to Heather, so I need to be guarded at all times. An acrimonious divorce is a constant battle that rattles on for years. Despite the fact she left me, Heather seems disproportionally jealous of anyone I have the audacity to be friendly with. Let alone Emma, who I sleep with.
Stephen wolfs his dough balls. I pick at my Caesar salad, wincing every time I hit on an anchovy.
He looks across at me. ‘Are you a bad man, Daddy?’
I splutter into my beer. ‘Of course not. What a strange thing to say.’
‘Mummy says you are.’
‘Look, Stephen, sometimes when a couple split up, they say things about each other that aren’t true, because they’re upset and angry.’
‘Do you tell lies about Mummy then?’
I shake my head. ‘Of course not.’
‘Then why does she tell lies about you?’
I tap my fingers on the table, nervously. ‘Stephen, I can assure you I’m not a bad man. You know that really, don’t you?’
He looks at me wide-eyed and nods his head. ‘Mummy must have been joking.’
The waitress arrives with our pizzas. Stephen starts to tuck into his greedily. As if he hasn’t eaten for a week. Melted cheese drips down his chin.
‘But it didn’t seem funny. She sounded as if she really meant it,’ he says.