Author: Alessandra Hazard
Category: LGBT
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His eyes wide, Eridan shoved him off and stared at Tethru’s still body.
Was he…?
Was he…?
Was he dead? Had he just strangled the Grandmaster of the Order to death?
Eridan swallowed his nausea. He couldn’t bring himself to touch Tethru to check his pulse.
Was he dead? He couldn’t sense Tethru’s telepathic mark anymore. Did that mean he was dead?
The sound of the door opening made him freeze.
“Eridan?” said Castien’s voice.
Eridan exhaled, relief like no other washing over him. It would be all right. Everything would be all right. His Master was here. His Master would take care of everything.
His legs no longer holding him, Eridan sank to the floor. He was trembling, he realized distantly. Maybe he was in shock.
Closing his eyes, he hugged his knees and rocked himself back and forth, the words of a half-forgotten lullaby sounding in his ears. He didn’t want to think. He didn’t want to look at… at the body. Was he dead? Or just unconscious?
The worst part was, he wasn’t sure which option he would prefer. He had wanted Tethru dead. For that brief moment, he had hated that disgusting man. But did being threatened with rape justify taking someone’s life? He didn’t know.
His stomach was churning. He felt dirty. He was dirty.
There was the sound of footsteps, and then his Master crouched before him. “Get up,” he said, laying his hands on Eridan’s shoulders. “You need to leave. Now.”
Eridan bit his lip hard, knowing what that meant.
Tethru was dead.
He had killed him. He had killed a person.
“Eridan, move.”
Eridan didn’t move. “It was self-defense,” he whispered hoarsely, squeezing his eyes shut. “It was self-defense, Master.”
He felt more than heard Castien sigh. “I know,” he said. “Look at me.”
Eridan opened his eyes. He found Castien’s gaze on his neck. Right. There were probably bruises on it.
“It wouldn’t matter to the Chapter that it was self-defense,” Castien said, finally tearing his eyes from the hickeys. “You still killed the Grandmaster. You need to leave now.”
“But what about… What about the guards? They know I was here with him. And there are probably security cameras that—”
“I will take care of it,” Castien said curtly, pulling him to his feet. “Go home. Take a hot shower. Use a dermal regenerator on your neck. And get some sleep.”
Eridan nodded mechanically, a part of him relieved to have simple instructions that he could follow. He could do as his Master said. He could. Everything would be all right. It would be all right.
“Eridan,” Castien said, his voice harder. “Snap out of it.”
He just looked at his Master, feeling lost.
Some emotion flickered across Castien’s face. He sighed and pulled Eridan against his chest.
Eridan froze for a moment before tucking his head under Castien’s chin and melting into him. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply, allowing his Master’s familiar scent to fill his senses, feeling so very safe in his arms. He never wanted to leave them.
But all too soon, Castien pushed him away. “Go home,” he said, turning toward the… the body. “Now, Eridan.”
Eridan went.
Chapter Ten: Safe Place
Eridan woke up with a gasp, his heart still pounding, panic, anger, and disgust making his chest tight.
He pressed his trembling fingers to his eyes and breathed, in and out. Everything was all right. He was all right. Tethru hadn’t done anything really bad. Nothing bad had happened.
Except he had killed a person.
A vile, perverted person, Eridan reminded himself. It didn’t help much. He could still hear Tethru gasping for breath, radiating fear and then panic—until there was nothing. A life, gone. Just like that.
He was a murderer.
Eridan ran into the adjoining bathroom and vomited as soon as he reached the toilet. Sighing, he rinsed out his mouth with water.
He lifted his head and stared at his reflection. His wide, violet eyes were the only color on his pale face. Even the ugly marks on his neck were now gone, as if nothing had happened.
“He was a rapist,” Eridan said. “And a pedophile. He fucking deserved it.”
He felt a little bit better after saying it, but the sick feeling in his stomach was still there. He wanted to be told he had done nothing wrong. He wanted to be told everything would be all right.
He wanted his Master.
Sighing, Eridan focused on the bond. Castien was back: he could feel him in the house, but his mind felt distant, like it usually was when he was asleep.
Of course he was asleep. Judging by the brightening sky, it was nearly dawn already, and Castien must have been tired after spending all night cleaning up after him.
Eridan still wanted him. Wanted him close.
Hating himself a little for being such a baby, Eridan left his bedroom, his footsteps quiet as he moved through the large house. He followed the bond until it brought him to his Master’s bedroom.
Eridan stared at the door for a while before pushing it open.
It opened noiselessly.
His Master was sleeping on his back. His face was a little softer in his sleep, but not by much, a frown permanently etched between his brows. Castien was wearing his night clothes, but his dark shirt wasn’t fastened, revealing to Eridan’s gaze his broad, muscular chest and hard abdominal muscles.
Eridan wet his dry lips, his childish need for comfort shifting into a different kind of need, base and wanton.
“I climbed into my Master’s bed naked and put his cock into my mouth while he slept.” Kyran’s words sounded in his ears again, terribly tempting.
No, it was insane. Utterly insane.
He shouldn’t even be considering it.
Consent issues aside, his Master would almost certainly be furious if Eridan did that after Castien explicitly told him that anything between them would be “idiotic.”
But fuck, just thinking about it… Of pulling his Master’s cock out… licking it and taking it into his mouth while Castien was none the wiser… sucking him off until his Master was hard and leaking… Just thinking about it made Eridan’s lower body ache with want, his cock hardening and his hole getting slicker.
He palmed his cock, looking hungrily at his Master.
In his imagination, after getting Castien hard, he would straddle his hips and then sink onto him, sating this hunger, this emptiness inside him. It would feel so good, to finally have his Master, take him inside his body and slake this yearning in him. Of course, Castien would eventually wake up, but it would be too late: he would be too far gone to stop. He would glare at Eridan and say something scathing, but he wouldn’t stop him. He would roll them over and slam into him, again and again and again, fucking him so good Eridan would only beg for more. His Master would call him names. He would slut-shame him, tell him he deserved better than an apprentice who was such a whore for his Master’s cock. But then he would tell Eridan that he loved him—
Eridan was pulled out of the fantasy, swallowing back his bitter laugh. He should have stuck to more realistic fantasies. His Master calling him a slut wasn’t very likely, but it was still infinitely more likely than him telling Eridan that he loved him.
Fuck, this was so pathetic. Who the hell fantasized about being told that he was loved?
Not to mention that he didn’t fucking want Castien’s love. He knew better than to yearn for something his Master couldn’t give him. Castien Idhron literally wasn’t capable of deep, meaningful emotions. He had told Eridan that, years ago.
Why the hell was he even here? He wouldn’t get the comfort he wanted from Castien. He should leave.
“Eridan?”
He flushed and yanked his nightshirt down to hide the bulge in his pajamas.
“I’m sorry, Master,” he said, without looking at
Castien. He reinforced his mental shields. “I didn’t want to disturb your sleep. I’ll go.”
“Come here.”
Reluctantly, Eridan did as he was told, his gaze downcast.
“Why are you not asleep?”
I felt bad and wanted you to make it better sounded too pathetic, so Eridan said, “I was wondering if everything was all right. Have people already found out about…?” Fuck, he couldn’t even say it.
“Tethru’s death?” Castien said. “Yes. There was an emergency meeting of the Chapter.”
Eridan’s gaze darted up to him.
He found Castien seated on the bed, watching him. His face was half in the shadows, so it was even more difficult to read than usual. Eridan tried not to look down, at his Master’s unbuttoned shirt, even though all he wanted at the moment was to bury his face against that broad chest and breathe.
He swallowed. “Do they suspect me?”
“There is nothing to suspect,” Castien said. “I told them Tethru died from a heart attack.”
Eridan stared at him in confusion. “But… but aren’t they going to perform an autopsy?”
Castien sighed. “Only the Grandmaster can order it, and I have no intention of doing so.”
“What? You mean…”
“I put myself forward as a candidate for the position,” Castien said. “I was chosen by the majority of votes.”
Chewing on his lip, Eridan tried to wrap his mind around it. “But you didn’t want to be the Grandmaster yet,” he stated, confused. Had his Master done it just to… protect him?
Castien’s face was unreadable. “It was not the course of action I would have chosen at this point in time, but my hand was forced. After covering-up Tethru’s death, I am effectively an accomplice in the murder. I had no choice.”
“Right,” Eridan said, hugging himself. It was an unusually chilly night. He smiled crookedly. “I guess congratulations are in order? Your Grace. I… I’m sorry for disturbing your sleep—”
“Pull yourself together, Eridan,” his Master said, a grimace crossing his face. He emanated irritation. “Your guilt is illogical. Tethru was a piece of work. He would have raped you, body and mind. You did what you had to.”
The tension inside him eased.
Eridan breathed out, for what felt like the first time in hours. What his Master had said was nothing he didn’t know himself, but he had needed to hear it.
“I know,” Eridan said softly. Thank you. “Good night.” He chuckled, glancing at the brightening sky through the floor-to-ceiling window. “Or rather, good morning.” He turned to go, but Castien’s voice stopped him.
“You may sleep here.”
His eyes wide, Eridan looked back at him. “Master?”
Castien lay back and closed his eyes. “Just this once,” he said. “Get in the bed and sleep, Eridan. It will be a long day.”
Smiling a little, Eridan climbed into his Master’s bed. Although the bed was very large, he wasn’t going to pass up the opportunity for some sneaky cuddles. “Thank you, Master,” he said, brushing his mouth against Castien’s cheek. You’re my safe place.
Castien stiffened. “Sleep,” he said tersely, without opening his eyes.
Eridan reluctantly pulled back—but not far. He curled up by his Master’s side, tucking his head under Castien’s arm and breathing in his familiar scent.
After a moment, Castien’s telepathic presence wrapped around him, calm and soothing, chasing away any lingering feeling of wrongness and gently healing the cracks in Eridan’s mental landscape. Eridan smiled sleepily, already feeling the effects of the advanced mind healing. He closed his eyes, trusting his Master to take care of him.
He was safe. He was home. Everything would be all right.
He fell asleep almost immediately.
Chapter Eleven: The Grandmaster
It was strange how differently people looked at him now that he was the Grandmaster’s apprentice.
He was relieved when he finally left the public wing of High Hronthar and entered the quieter part of the castle. Part of him expected to be assaulted with the memories of last night, but there was nothing. He was calm. Eridan smiled a little, greatly relieved. He’d never been on the receiving end of advanced mind healing, and it was nice to know how effective it was. His Master must have been up until morning, healing the cracks in his psyche. It made Eridan feel warm on the inside.
He didn’t knock as he reached the large office the bond led him to.
Castien stood by the window, his unseeing gaze fixed on the mountains.
He was wearing a heavy white robe. The Grandmaster’s robe.
“White isn’t your color, Master,” Eridan said.
Castien turned to him.
All right, maybe he had lied a little: Castien looked good. He always looked good, but the white robe combined with his silver-white hair made the blue of his eyes and his darker eyebrows even more intense. He had his hair down for a change, instead of having it pulled back at his nape, but that didn’t soften his features at all, his sharp eyes and his firm, stubbled jaw dominating his face.
“How do you feel?” Castien said, studying him with an unreadable expression.
Eridan shrugged. “I’m okay,” he said honestly. “Why did you summon me? I thought you would be very busy today.”
“I am busy. As a matter of fact, I am leaving for the monastery. The service will be held there, of course.”
The service. Right. The death of the High Adept was a big deal. The members of the Calluvian Council would likely be in attendance.
“Do you want me to come with you?” Eridan said in his most neutral voice, hoping that wasn’t why Castien had summoned him. Attending the funeral service of the man he had accidentally killed wasn’t exactly his idea of fun.
“There is no need.”
Eridan tried not to look too relieved, but judging by the long look Castien gave him, he wasn’t fooling anyone.
Thankfully, at that moment Castien’s communicator chimed.
He answered, still looking at Eridan.
“…I will arrive soon, Irrene. Convey my apologies to the First Queen if she arrives before me. There were some unforeseen circumstances I had to deal with.”
“Who is Irrene?” Eridan said.
Castien switched the earpiece off. “A servant,” he said. “My secretary, to be precise.”
“You have a secretary now?”
“Of course,” Castien said. “One of the downsides of being the Grandmaster is that I will have to spend a lot of time at the monastery, meeting various members of the Calluvian Council. A secretary is needed to keep track of my appointments and come up with explanations for my absence when I am unavailable there.”
“Hmm,” Eridan said, walking to the window and looking at the gorgeous scenery below. “If you didn’t want me to accompany you, what did you summon me for?”
He felt Castien’s gaze on his face. “We did not have time to talk yesterday. What did Tethru want with you?”
He chuckled. “Isn’t it obvious, Master?”
“Tethru wouldn’t have dared to touch my apprentice because of something as meaningless as lust,” Castien said, walking closer. He put a finger under Eridan’s chin and tipped it up. “Did he tell you what he wanted?”
Eridan cocked his head to the side, a little confused. Strictly speaking, Castien didn’t need to ask him. He could have easily gotten the information he wanted from Eridan’s mind. The bond between them gave him easy access to his mind. Masters were allowed to read their apprentices’ minds; it wasn’t considered a violation by the Order’s rules. But Castien had been avoiding delving into his mind ever since their last not-merge. It was puzzling.
“He asked me what you were planning, why you didn’t apply for the position of the Grandmaster.” Eridan smiled crookedly. “He didn’t tell me much. He was too busy slobbering all over my neck.”
Castien’s nostrils flared.
His gaze dropped to Eridan�
��s neck.
There was nothing there, of course. Eridan had used a dermal regenerator—three times—to make sure the hickeys were gone.
Castien’s jaw clenched. “If you stayed home instead of wandering somewhere at night, trying to prove a point, none of this would have happened.”
Eridan pursed his lips, remembering their ugly fight before he’d stormed out of Castien’s mansion last evening. Had it really happened just yesterday?
Judging by the hard expression of Castien’s eyes, he hadn’t exactly forgotten their argument.
The silence stretched, heavy and strained.
Eridan sighed. “I don’t want to fight, Master,” he said quietly. He hated how small his voice sounded. He might not have been traumatized anymore, but even the best mind healing couldn’t magically heal his frayed nerves. He really didn’t want to fight.
Castien’s lips thinned. “All right,” he said, to Eridan’s surprise. It wasn’t at all like Castien to let go of something.
Surprising him further, Castien touched Eridan’s thaal, rearranging it slightly, his fingers brushing against his neck. “You still look tired. Get some sleep until I get back. We will meditate together and work on extinguishing any remaining misplaced guilt over Tethru’s death.”
Eridan gave him a small smile. “Thank you, Master,” he said, leaning in and pressing his lips against Castien’s cheek. He inhaled deeply, letting the familiar, comforting scent of his Master soothe him in ways very few things did.
Everything would be all right.
He finally believed it.
***
Something changed about their relationship after Tethru’s death.
Eridan noticed that his Master was… a little gentler with him. A little kinder. More tolerant of Eridan invading his personal space and leaning into him.
Maybe he thought Eridan was still traumatized by what had happened in Tethru’s bedroom. He wasn’t, at least not anymore. Thanks to the mind healing and the joint meditations with his Master, Tethru’s assault and death now felt very distant, as if it had happened to someone else years ago.