Author: L A Cotton
Category: Contemporary
Go to read content：https://onlinereadfreenovel.com/l-a-cotton/page,20,592781-tragic_lies_a_forbidden_age-gap_romance_rixon_high.html
Her eyes lit up but if Bryan noticed, he didn’t react. “I guess I could stay for one more drink.”
“You should,” I said, shooting her a warm smile. I wanted to suggest Bryan could show her the Raiders cabinet full of newspaper clippings and paraphernalia, but I didn’t want to push my luck.
He reached Carrie-Anne and glanced back at me, mouthing, “You owe me.”
I nodded, and I knew he didn’t only mean for playing babysitter to Carrie-Anne.
“Thank you,” I mouthed back.
They disappeared back into the bar, but I remained, needing to catch my breath for a second.
I waited to make sure the coast was clear, and then slipped back outside to explain everything to Xander.
But as I scanned the shadows, I realized he was gone.
Xander didn’t return to the party. I spent the next hour on tenterhooks, keeping one eye on Bryan while I searched the bar for any signs of him.
“Who do you keep looking for?” Ashleigh asked me as we stood with Lily, Kaiden, Poppy, Sofia, and her brother.
“No one,” I said dismissively.
“Is it Bryan and Carrie-Anne? Because I thought you were trying to set them up.”
“I was… do they seem to be hitting it off?”
“You have seen them, right? It’s got disaster written all over it.”
I glanced over at the two of them. Bryan was talking to Gav while Carrie-Anne lingered at his side looking every bit as uncomfortable as he did.
“Ugh, I should probably go over there,” I said.
“Uh, yeah you should.” Ashleigh gave me a small nudge and I approached them.
“Hey, are you enjoying the party?”
Carrie-Anne’s eyes darted around me. “I’m not sure I fit in here.”
“Sure you do. You know you didn’t have to stay over here with Bryan and Gav, you could have joined us.”
“I didn’t… I mean… I wasn’t…”
God, she was so nervous.
“I get it. It’s a lot.”
“Yeah.” She nodded, tucking a strand of her mousey-brown hair behind her ear.
“Come on,” I said, motioning toward my friends. “Come talk to us.”
Bryan looked up then, frowning. “What’s going on?” he asked.
“Well, since you’re both doing a stellar job of ignoring Carrie-Anne, I’m rescuing her.” Lacing my arm through hers, I pulled her away, but Bryan wasn’t done.
“We need to talk,” he said, and I flinched, inhaling a sharp breath.
Carrie-Anne noticed, her brows furrowing.
“Not here,” I replied thinly.
Bryan reached for me, grabbing my arm. “Peyton, we need to—”
“I said not here.” I shrugged him off and guided Carrie-Anne away, but she stopped me before we reached my friends.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“What’s going on with you and Bryan?”
“What do you mean?”
“Oh, come on, Peyton. I’m not stupid. He’s into you. Everyone can see that.”
“Carrie-Anne, that’s not—”
“It’s okay, I get it. You don’t like him like that so you thought you’d try and push him toward… someone else.”
“I just thought… I’m sorry.”
She shrugged. “It is what it is. Deep down, I knew a guy like Bryan would never be into a girl like me.”
“It was a dick move,” I said. “But I’ve watched the two of you in class. There’s something there.”
“Yeah, it’s called he thinks I’m a pretentious nerd and I think he’s a conceited jock.”
“Why did you agree to come then?”
“Because for one night, I wanted to know what it was like to be seen.”
“Carrie-Anne… people see you.”
She gave me a weak smile. “We’ve been in the same class since ninth grade and this semester is the first time you’ve ever talked to me.”
“I’m sorry.” Shame burned through me.
“It’s never really bothered me before.”
“What changed?”
“It’s senior year. I don’t want to graduate with all these regrets.” Her gaze flickered to Bryan.
“You should tell him.”
“E-excuse me?”
“What have you got to lose?” I smiled.
“Uh… everything.”
Soft laughter bubbled in my chest. “Don’t be ridiculous. The worst that can happen is he can say he’s not interested. But you’ll never know if you don’t tell him how you feel.”
“I wouldn’t even know what to say… besides, I’m not you.”
“Bryan knows I don’t like him like that. We’re friends, just friends.”
“I don’t know… you saw what just happened. He practically ignored me the whole time.”
“He’s a guy. They’re kind of dumb when it comes to girls.” I smiled. “Just think about it. You might be pleasantly surprised.”
Bryan flirted with Carrie-Anne; I’d seen it. There could be something there, and he deserved to be happy. They both did. The fact they were polar opposites wasn’t a bad thing.
“I’ll think about it,” she said. “But can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“If you think Bryan’s such a good guy, why have you written him off so easily?”
I looked at Carrie-Anne and inhaled a sharp breath. “Because when it’s not there, it’s not there.”
And when it was, it was.
Bryan was a good guy. One of the best guys I knew. But he wasn’t the guy I wanted.
He wasn’t Xander.
Four days later, I hadn’t seen or heard from Xander. I knew he couldn’t exactly turn up at the Ford’s house asking to see me, but I thought… I didn’t know what I thought.
I just needed to know we were okay, that Bryan discovering our secret didn’t change anything.
It was hardly surprising that when Felicity yelled I had a visitor my mind instantly went to Xander. Deep down, I knew it wasn’t him, but it didn’t stop my heart from fluttering as I leaped off the bed and fluffed my hair, imagining what it would be like to discover him at the door waiting for me.
He’d come inside and tuck me into his side and declare to everyone that we had something to tell them. Naturally, they would be surprised at first, but once they saw how serious we were about each other, they would understand. Then we could be together without fear of recrimination or judgment from the people closest to us.
“Peyton?” Felicity said, and the image shattered, sending a shiver through me.
It would never be like that because life wasn’t a fairy tale. It was hard and messy, and it hurt, and I knew everyone would freak when the truth came out.
But all I’d ever experienced was a life of neglect and disappointment. Was it so wrong to want something for myself? Was it so wrong to want Xander, the one person who got me better than anyone else?
“Hey,” Bryan stood at the door, hands in his pockets, bundled in his jacket and scarf. “I was hoping we could talk.”
“I… uh, sure.”
“Wanna get something to eat?”
“I’m working at five, so we could eat at Cindy’s before my shift?” That sounded a damn sight better than having this conversation in the house where too many people could overhear.
“Let me just grab my purse and jacket,” I said. “You can wait inside.”
“Come in, Bryan.” Felicity beamed, shooting me a knowing glance. From the faint smirk on her lips, I knew I was never going to hear the end of this.
I rushed upstairs and grabbed my things, praying that she wouldn’t pry too much. I trusted Bryan, but what if he’d decided that the right thing was to tell someone about what he saw?
“Okay, I’m all set.”
“Have fun you two.”
There was far too much suggestion in Felicity’s voice.
“Cindy said she might need me to stay until lock up, but I’ll text, okay?
”
“If you need a ride home, call Jason.”
“I’ll be fine,”—they already did enough for me—“but thanks.” I ushered Bryan out of the door and followed him to his car.
“Peyton, I—”
“Not yet,” I said, slipping past him and climbing inside.
I knew this was coming, and yet, my heart still drummed at the prospect of talking about it.
Bryan knew.
He could wield that knowledge against me. Against Xander. If he was anyone else, someone with less morals or pure intentions he could use it as leverage.
But of all the people who could have found us the other night; in a way, I was glad it was him.
“Go on then, whatever you want to say, spit it out,” I said, the second the car rumbled to life.
“Shit, Peyton… I don’t even know where to start.”
“If you came to try and talk some sense into me, you wasted a journey. I know the risks, Bryan, it doesn’t change anything.”
“He’s ten years older than you, have some sense—”
“Age is just a number.”
“So you’re telling me you wouldn’t freak out if Lily or Ashleigh or Poppy came to you and told you they were dating a guy ten years older?” His eyes slid to mine and I pursed my lips.
Of course I’d freak out.
But I also liked to think I would give them a chance to explain before jumping to conclusions.
“This is an unusual circumstance,” I huffed.
“Because you almost…”
“Died. I almost died.” I flinched, shame nipping at my heels. “You can say it.”
“You’re fixated on him. You’ve got some kind of hero worship—”
“He saved me. He pulled me out of the river and saved me, Bryan. Of course there’s a connection there. But it isn’t just about that. Look,” I let out a deep sigh, “I don’t know how to explain it.”
“Try, Peyton. Try for me. Because I spent most of yesterday trying to weigh up if I was doing the right thing not telling anyone.”
“Bryan, you promised.” Panic welled inside me.
“I know, and I don’t want to break your trust.” His expression softened. “But this isn’t right, Peyton.”
Bryan found a parking space on the road near the diner and cut the engine, running his hands around the steering wheel. “Where do you honestly see this going? You’re a senior with your whole life ahead of you, and Xander is… you’ve heard the stories. He’s unpredictable and isn’t exactly looking to settle down. You can’t trust him, Pey.”
I jerked back as if he’d slapped me. “That’s not fair. You don’t know what he’s been through…”
“And you do?” He chuckled bitterly. “Wake up, Peyton. He’s grooming you. He’s—”
“Stop, just stop. It isn’t like that. I…”
“What? You what?” His eyes drilled holes into the top of my head, but I couldn’t meet his eyes.
“I don’t have to pretend with him. I don’t have to plaster on a smile. I don’t have to keep trying to be somebody I’m not. There’s a reason I keep people at arm’s length, Bryan. I’m broken.” Irrevocably, irrefutably broken.
“Peyton, that’s not—”
“Stop trying to tell me how I feel.” The words came out in a rush of frustrated breath. “I have spent years perfecting my armor, but for the first time in my life I feel like I can finally let my walls down.”
Because Xander knew. He knew what it was like to stand on the outside always looking in.
I’d been the pretty one, the popular one who liked to flirt with the guys and enjoy herself. But that girl was a fake. She was a ruse, hiding a life’s worth of pain and fear of never being good enough.
The girl Bryan had fallen for didn’t exist. He’d fallen for the ideal. The girl I pretended to be to hide the cracks, to mask the life that had chewed me up and spit me out.
He released another heavy breath, his eyes flicking to mine. “You’re sure he didn’t—”
“Bryan, I swear to you. I want this…” My eyes dipped and lifted back to his slowly. “I want him. He’s not pressuring me. If anything, I’m the one pushing for this more. He’s a good guy.”
“Fuck.” He shook his head as if at war with himself. “Okay.”
“So you won’t tell anyone?” I held my breath awaiting his answer.
“No, I won’t tell anyone. I don’t like it, but I think I get it… you can’t help who you fall for.”
“Thank you.” The air was thick around us, filled with regret and guilt.
“I just wish it could have been me,” he said quietly.
“I know. I’m sorry.”
Bryan shrugged, offering me a half-smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “You deserve to be happy, Peyton. But it isn’t going to be easy with him. You know that, right?”
“I know.” But was anything worth having easy?
“So what happens now?” Bryan searched my face, but I didn’t have all the answers, not when there was so much still to figure out.
“Actually,” I said, an idea forming in my head. “Can you do me a favor?”
“Why do I not like the sound of that?”
“Please… for me?”
It wasn’t fair to use his feelings for me against him, but I didn’t have anyone else to trust with this.
“Fine.” He shook his head. “Just tell me what you need.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Xander
The knock at the door was unexpected. No one visited me at my apartment except delivery people bringing me pizza or Chinese takeout, and I’d cooked my own meal this evening.
“Just a minute,” I called, running the towel through my hair again. My shorts hung low on my hips as I padded to the door and opened it. “Yeah—Peyton?”
My heart almost exploded out of my chest. “What are you doing here?”
“Can I come in?”
“I… uh, yeah… come on.” I stepped aside and let her pass, sticking my head outside to make sure no one had seen her. My eyes landed on the familiar car backing out of the parking lot.
“Hughes brought you here?”
“He gave me a ride home from work. I asked him to make a detour.”
Jealousy burned through me, laced with something else. Something I didn’t want to think about.
“What are you doing here?”
Peyton winced at the sharpness in my voice, but she wasn’t looking at me. Her eyes were fixed firmly on my chest, her cheeks burning bright red. But it was nothing compared to the fire I felt searing into my skin as she drank in her fill of my body.
“I’ll grab a shirt,” I murmured, making a beeline for my bedroom.
What the hell was she doing here?
I hadn’t stuck around at the party after Bryan discovered us outside in the alley. It was cowardly, running away like that, leaving her to deal with the fallout. But I knew if I stuck around, I’d end up doing or saying something I regretted.
So I left.
Being caught was a sobering reminder that this—us—was a mistake. If Bryan told Jase… I didn’t even want to imagine what would happen.
But the fact Peyton was the first one to show up here suggested Hughes had kept our secret. For now.
“Can I get you a drink?” I said, stepping back into the living room. Peyton looked all kinds of awkward standing there.
“I didn’t come because I needed a drink, Xander. We need to talk,” she said, lifting her chin slightly, determination glittering in her baby blues.
“Yeah, I guess we do.” I motioned to my couch, and she sat at one end while I took the other.
“Bryan isn’t going to tell anyone.”
“That’s… good.” I ran a hand through my hair. “That’s good.”
“Yeah.” She gave me an uncertain smile. “And now it means we’ll have someone to cover for us.”
“What do you mean?” I frowned. Because surely she didn’t mean…
“H
e gets it,” she said. “He’ll cover for us. I can say I’m hanging out with him, and we can… spend time together.”
“Back the fuck up, you asked him to do that?”
“Yeah, I mean… I thought… You’re angry.” Disappointment washed over her as she pressed her lips together.
“I… shit, Peyton. I don’t know what to say. Bryan finding out wasn’t a blessing, it was a reminder that this can’t work.” It could never work, and I was a fucking idiot for thinking it could. “If he tells Jase or—”
“He isn’t going to. We talked. He understands.”
I scoffed at that. “And why do you think he agreed?”
“What?”
“Why do you think he offered to keep our secret?”
“Because he’s my friend.”
“Are you really that gullible? He’s just waiting for you to realize that this isn’t what you want…” Confusion clouded Peyton’s eyes and I added, “He’s biding his time to swoop in and comfort you when it all goes to shit.”
Because it would, I realized that now.
I had nothing to offer Peyton. She was a senior with her whole life ahead of her. She needed encouragement to chase her dreams, not a reason to be shackled to Rixon.
That’s what I would become.
A burden.
An obligation.
She would use me as a reason not to go after the things she wanted. I didn’t ever want to become that to her, not after all the shit with my brother.
“What are you saying?” It came out tight.
“We were lucky it was Bryan who found us.” I glanced away from her, unable to stand the hurt in her eyes. “We can walk away now and—”
She bolted off the couch, staring at me with utter disbelief. “Walk away? You want to… end things?”
“Peyton, be reasonable. Bryan saw us.” I’d seen the look in his eyes, the absolute disgust. It would be ten times worse when Jase and my brother found out. We would become a local scandal; Peyton would become a local scandal. I couldn’t do that to her, no matter how much I wanted her. She deserved more. She deserved to walk around town with her head held high. She deserved to be taken on dates without fear of being sneered at, pointed at, and laughed at. She deserved a relationship she wouldn’t have to defend at every turn.