Author: J. Saman
Category: Contemporary
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Once I’m finished, I shut off the lights before opening the door to the restroom and sneak out with exaggerated tiptoe movements.
“Katie?” Ryan calls out, his voice raspy with sleep.
“Crap. Sorry.” I take a few steps into the main room. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“What time is it?” Even though the room is still pretty dark, I can make him out as he rubs his hands up and down his face, rolling over to check the clock.
“It’s early. Go back to sleep,” I whisper.
“Why are you up?” He flops down onto his back again, the blanket only covering him from the waist down, giving me a decent view of his chest.
A chest I should not be looking at.
“I was going to go for an early run on the beach.”
“Okay.” He sits up, and holy shit, his chest is large and muscular, and did I mention holy shit? His chest leads down into the hard ridges that line his stomach. And lord, he has that V thing. I think I’m drooling an embarrassingly large puddle on the floor. My face is hot, and my body is tingly, and I need to look away.
Look away, Kate!
“What are you doing?” I whisper-shriek, though I have no idea why I’m bothering to whisper, or shriek for that matter. “Go back to bed.” Whatever you do, don’t get out of bed. Don’t sit up and clench those abdominal muscles.
“Nah. I’ll come with you for the run, if that’s all right?” He’s rubbing up and down his face again, scratching his beard and reaching for his glasses on the nightstand.
“Oh. Um. Sure,” I shrug, my voice sounding a bit hyper, even to me. I think he’s oblivious to it, though, because he’s not looking at me. His back is to me now and it’s just as amazing as his chest. I really need to look away. He’s turning me into some kind of creeper.
I pivot to the door, giving him privacy, as he stands up wearing only his boxer briefs. Thank God it’s dark in here or he’d see my very obvious blush.
“Great. Just give me a few minutes.” I hear him rustling through his suitcase, and then he walks past me into the bathroom. I take the extra time to stretch out and clear him from my head. A few minutes later, he walks out wearing a sleeveless Eagles football tee, running shorts and sneakers. His inky hair is a mess and he still looks half-awake. “You ready?”
“Yes, are you?” I jest, and he throws me a wink that makes me laugh. “Eagles, huh?” I mutter, eyeing his shirt, making him chuckle lightly. He knows I’m a huge Patriots fan. We talked sports yesterday during our drive.
As we find our way outside, the morning is cool, but not cold, and the sun is just starting to make itself known on the horizon. It’s glorious.
“Do you always run this early?”
“Usually, if I can,” I tell him as we start down the beach and set off at a decent pace. Running on the beach is super freaking hard if you’re not used to it, so after a minute or two, I can really feel my heart going and the familiar trickle of sweat on the back of my neck and in my cleavage. “I didn’t know you ran.”
“When I can, I try to,” he looks down at me with a smirk. “The hotel has laundry service, so I was thinking of sending some out today if you need anything done,” he pants out, but doesn’t sound overly winded, and from what I saw briefly this morning, Ryan is in good shape.
“Yes. I could use some clean stuff.”
We run in silence, enjoying the sunrise over the ocean, and I swear there are few things more beautiful than this. Pinks and purples and yellows fill the sky, bathing us in light. The salty breeze brushes my skin, sticking to my moistened flesh.
I think that wherever I end up deciding to move, the ocean has to be a part of it. The south, not so much because as the sun rises, so does the muggy humidity. Yuck. Not my thing. I prefer cooler weather.
We finish our run, and after walking another hundred or so yards, we both sink into the cool sand, watching the waves crash onto the shore as we catch our breath.
“I’m not going to kill myself today,” I whisper, grasping my pendant.
“What?” Ryan snaps, his head whipping toward me and I realize I just said that out loud. I blanch, biting my lip because I don’t know what to say. I’m mortified. “Did you just say that you weren’t going to kill yourself today?” He’s angry. No wait, he’s furious. His face is getting redder by the moment, his eyes blazing. “Was that a fucking possibility?”
“N-No,” I stutter. “Not really.”
“What the hell does that mean, Katie?” I don’t know what to say. “Answer me,” he bites out, and I stand up, because I suddenly can’t sit anymore.
I’ve never been so humiliated in my life, and right now, I just want to run away from the glare he’s giving me.
“It’s not really. Not anymore,” I answer, my voice shaking. “It’s just something I say now. Sort of like a daily affirmation or something.”
He stands now too, walking in the direction of the water with his back to me, his hands on his hips and his chin to his chest.
“But it was, right? Did you ever try to hurt yourself?” He’s maybe a little less angry, maybe.
“I didn’t because I made myself promise not to every morning, and occasionally at other times during the day. But lately, it’s only been in the morning.” I’m being honest with him on this, for the most part. The week before I moved was tough, but he doesn’t need to know that.
“Fuck,” he barks out, running his hands through his sweat-dampened hair. “That’s bullshit, Katie.”
And now it’s my turn to get angry.
“Don’t you dare judge me, Ryan,” I snap, putting my hands on my hips and glowering into his back. “Don’t you dare. You have no idea what I went through. What I’ve gone through over the last two years. No. Fucking. Idea.”
His back is rising and falling, heavy with his breaths. He looks like he’s trying to calm himself down and is failing miserably at it.
“I not only lost my husband—the love of my entire life—but I had to watch my baby girl die in front of me knowing I could not save her.” His head snaps up, looking out toward the water, his shoulders tense. “She was brought to my hospital, and I was down in the room while they worked on her. While they pushed on her chest and defibrillated and stuck her full of medicines and tubes. I was there!” I yell, and it feels so fucking good to do that, rage and adrenaline coursing through me. “I watched as the monitor flatlined and her life slipped away. Then I held her small, lifeless body, knowing it was going to be for the last time.” Now the tears are coming in full force like I just opened the dam. “That it was going to be the last time I smelled her hair or kissed her soft skin or whispered that I loved her in her ear. That the second I left her body, I’d never see her again,” I sob out. “You have no idea what that kind of pain is like. You can get over losing your spouse. It’s agony and impossible, but that sort of loss happens and people move on.” He turns to look at me now with an unreadable expression, the sun surrounding his body making him glow and leaving his face cast in a shadow. “But losing your child like that?” I shake my head. “There are no words to describe the utter devastation.” I drop my face into my hands. “You’re not supposed to bury your child,” I cry out, feeling the grief sweep over me like a suffocating wave, taking away my ability to move or breathe.
His arms are around me now, pulling me into his sweat-soaked shirt.
“I’m sorry, Katie. I’m so sorry,” he says into the top of my hair as he holds me tighter and tighter. “I was wrong. I was so fucking wrong, and I’m sorry. Please forgive me, Katie. Please,” he begs, and I can hear the anguish in his voice. “I didn’t mean to judge you. I just…,” he pauses, pulling me back so I have to look up at him. “I care about you, okay?” His thumbs wipe away the tears that have started to slow. “I get that we’ve only known each other less than a week, but when you spend this kind of time with someone, it becomes inevitable.”
I nod my head, understanding what he means.
“I’m sorry if I freaked
you out by saying that. It’s just something I say now, I swear.” A shudder wracks my body, and he pulls me in closer to his warm chest. “I didn’t mean to unload all of that on you.”
“Don’t apologize to me about that, ever. I’m glad you shared it with me. I like knowing about you, Katie. The good and the bad, and losing your family like that is a large part of who you are.” I nod, not able to say anything because I’m suddenly so overwhelmed by this new friendship. “Just promise me that you’ll never hurt yourself.”
I look directly into his eyes. “I promise.”
And I mean it. I won’t.
If I were going to, I would have done it twenty-six months ago when I lost them. He stares into my eyes for another moment, maybe searching for evidence of a lie, and when he finds none, he steps back, releasing me from his embrace.
Ryan lets out a slow, heavy breath.
“I was thinking of spending another night here in Charleston. Is that all right with you?”
I almost want to laugh at the subject change, because it’s just so perfect. “I’m one hundred percent good with that.”
“Awesome. Then let’s go get some breakfast and play on the beach while the hotel does our laundry. If we’re going to be spoiled, might as well do it up right.”
Now I do laugh. “I’m all for being spoiled and playing on the beach and eating breakfast.”
And we do just that.
Ryan thinks it’s hilarious to pick me up and toss me in the ocean since I’m so small compared to him, and I think it’s hilarious to splash him with water. He’s not wearing his glasses while we’re in the ocean, and it is the first time I’ve ever really seen him without them. I can’t seem to decide which way I like him better, though the jade of his eyes is easier to see without them on.
After a late lunch, Ryan takes a nap since I got him up early.
I head down to the lobby to call my mother, when I notice a flyer taped to an outside pole. It’s an ad for a band I’ve heard of, playing at a place called Music Farm. I’m so in, and I bet Ryan will be too. After I hang up with my mother, I run back upstairs and tell Ryan about my findings and just as I suspected, he’s in.
I sort of love how much Ryan is into music and how similar our tastes are.
By the time we walk into Music Farm, it is standing room only.
I don’t care because it is packed and loud and fun. The band is just making its way on stage, and the crowd is hollering out their excitement. I’m driving tonight so I’ll just be sticking with water, but Ryan goes straight to the bar and procures himself a beer. The music starts with a heavy bass beat and I’m bouncing on my toes before I even think about it.
“Come dance with me,” I shout up to Ryan, who nods his head and lets me pull him by the hand into the fray.
The lead singer is killing it, really amping up the good-sized crowd. I’m jumping and dancing around, and so is Ryan, and we’re having fun. Pure fucking fun, and I feel it. I’m reveling in it and allowing it to flow over me because I know for a fact that I haven’t smiled or danced or laughed this much in over two years.
The crowd is over the top, and Ryan and I have to maintain points of contact; otherwise, we’ll lose each other in no time. After about forty-five minutes, I’m dying and do the universal sign to Ryan to indicate that I need something to drink.
He nods, points to himself, and holds up one finger indicating he wants one too. I nod and leave him there to continue his enjoyment.
The oval-shaped bar is pretty packed, but I manage to squeeze my way through and get up to the counter to place my order, when I feel someone looming next to me.
“Hey, pretty lady, can I buy you a drink?” I look over to see a big dude, with sandy-colored hair, dark eyes and multicolored tattoos everywhere.
I smile at him and shake my head. “No, thanks. I’m all set.”
He steps in closer, and I wonder how long this bartender is going to take to get me a bottle of water and a damn beer.
“Oh, don’t be like that. Let me buy your drink. You’re the best-looking woman I’ve seen all night, maybe even all year,” he grins and instantly, I’m uneasy.
Despite that, he’s being nice, so I don’t really want to be rude, though I definitely don’t love the fact that he’s up in my personal space. There is no place for me to go because there is someone standing directly behind me. So I try a different approach.
“I’m actually here with someone, but really, thanks.” I give him a closed-mouth grin.
The guy doesn’t give up though, he leans into my ear, forcing my head back as far as I can manage. “I could make that sexy body of yours feel really good.” And shit. We’ve officially gone to the next level.
“Not interested,” I tell him with a firmer tone that lets him know I mean it. A strong hand slides onto my waist accompanied by a slightly sweaty body, smelling like the embodiment of masculine perfection, pressing against me from behind. It’s a possessive gesture, one I’m sure this guy doesn’t miss.
“Everything alright here?” Ryan growls with an acerbic edge. There is no missing the fuck off hostile vibe he’s shooting this guy, and any uneasiness I had moments ago evaporates.
The guy stands to his full height—Ryan has a good four inches on him at least—and squares his shoulders, leaning in ever so slightly.
“I was just offering to buy the beautiful woman here a drink and maybe get a back room fuck.”
Holy shit! This guy is brazen. I’m trying to hold my cool, but I think my eyes just popped out of my head. I’ve never heard anyone speak like this. Especially to a woman who is obviously taken. I mean, not that I’m taken by Ryan. But this guy doesn’t know that! Ryan’s hand tenses on my hip as he adjusts me closer. I sink into him, allowing my head to press into his firm chest. I can feel his heart racing. Feel the anger starting to build within him. I have to do something quickly before this gets out of hand.
I look the guy directly in the eyes. “And I told him that although it’s a generous offer, there is no way I can accept since I’m here with my boyfriend.” I spin around in Ryan’s arms, snaking my hands up behind his neck until his narrowed eyes pull down to me. Something passes between us as I silently plead with Ryan. “Come on, baby; we should get going anyway.” He leans down and plants the softest of kisses right beside my mouth. My breath hitches and my grip on the back of his neck tightens. Flutters of butterflies leap to life in the pit of my stomach at the unexpected touch, but I quickly push them down, knowing the gesture was all for show.
Ryan blinks once, his jaw clenched tightly as are the fists I feel on my back. I begin to walk forward, essentially pushing Ryan back, before I look toward to the guy. “Have a good night,” I smile, and he doesn’t say anything else.
He’d be stupid to start a fight, and he knows it.
I don’t let go of Ryan until we’re outside and next to my car.
“You okay?” I ask since he doesn’t seem to be relaxing his tense stance and hasn’t spoken a word since I pushed him out of the bar.
“Yes,” he bites out. He’s not okay, and I don’t know why. Walking over to him, I reach up, brushing my fingers across his soft dark beard. He trimmed it, so it’s not so mountain man anymore. My hand skims the bristles, admiring the way they feel against my palm.
“Hey,” I whisper. He looks down at me, but his eyes are blank and distant, his jaw is still wound tight. “Talk to me. What’s going through your head?”
He finally blows out a long steady breath, and I can feel his body relaxing beneath my touch.
“I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me. I just…” He stares up to the starry sky like it has the answer before lowering his furrowed brow back to me. My hand drops to my side. “I got so fucking pissed when I heard him talking to you like that. I knew you didn’t want it and I was so close to losing my shit on him, Katie. So close.”
“It’s fine. I’m fine. No harm, no foul.”
I wrap my arms around him, holding him close, my
ear pressing into his chest directly above his heart. It’s still pounding. That guy must have really worked him up. Ryan’s hand cascades down the back of my hair as he holds me back. Leaning back, I meet his eyes. I can tell he is softening, because a small smirk is bouncing on his lips. His knuckles brush my cheek as we stare into each other in the dark night. I step away from him, needing space and fresh air that doesn’t smell like him.
“How did you do that back there? Normally when a guy says something like that, he’s looking for a fight. Either from you or from me.”
“He was after sex, and when I wasn’t interested, his pride was wounded. Especially when a taller and better-looking guy staked his claim on what he wanted.” His mouth quirks up further when I say better-looking, but I’m not here to stroke his ego, so I continue. “The best way is to let guys like that believe that the rejection is not about them specifically.” I shrug. “Plus, he knew you were bigger than him and he’s not totally stupid.”
Ryan shakes his head. “Where did you come from?”
I toss him a wink. “Boston, remember?”
He laughs and pulls me back to him, hugging me again. I try to hold firm. I try to hold back and resist the urge to sink into him. Into his warmth and comfort. I try really hard.
“I’m glad you’re okay. I’ve never been the possessive caveman type, but apparently you bring that out of me. I was ready to beat that guy’s ass.”
“And I’m glad you didn’t. I’d hate to have to deal with the cops.”
He chuckles against my cheek before pulling back.
“Let’s go back to the hotel. I think we’ve had enough excitement for one night.” I agree with him. Only, Ryan is the one who really got my heart racing tonight. Not the dancing, not the guy hitting on me. No. It’s all Ryan. Now I just have to figure out a way to shut that off.
7
Ryan
* * *
Two days later we’re hanging out at the pool of our hotel in Miami Beach. I’m sipping on a beer and Katie went straight for a vodka tonic with lemon instead of lime. She’s resting on a lounge chair with her shades on and her knees bent up, and I can’t seem to pull my eyes off of her. Thank god I have reflective sunglasses and she can’t see where I’m looking, otherwise I’d have a lot of explaining to do.