Slowly, meticulously, I burned away my dead body and when it was gone, I was no longer naked."
He looked up slowly.
"It's beautiful," I said, "but I'm not sure I understand."
"I had to crawl out of my old, now crippled body, burn it away because it literally imprisoned me. Once I found the inner light, true spirituality, I was able to go beyond the physical body and reach a higher place. Someday, you will too. Everything you love and think you need looks lost. You're on a search because you feel naked, without meaning or hope; but you'll see that you have everything you need inside yourself and you didn't have to take a single step in any direction."
I said nothing. We gazed at each other in the silence and then he smiled.
"You've got that look in your eyes again. You think I'm a kook again."
"No," I said, laughing. "Actually, I hope what you say is true."
"It is, but these are discoveries everyone has to make for himself or herself. I can only show you the way, point you in a direction."
"Is that why Holly called you the best guide in the galaxy?"
"Yes," he said with a laugh. "All right, enough lessons for one evening. Want to go for a walk?"
"A walk?"
He laughed at my surprise.
"Well, you'll walk and push me along," he said. "Oh. Sure," I said, hoping I hadn't insulted him with my astonishment.
"It's pretty warm out. You don't need a jacket." Without any hesitation, he turned his chair around and wheeled himself out of the living room, through the kitchen and out into the shop. I almost had to run to keep up. We paused outside the door for him to lock it and then he asked me to push him up the street. At the corner, we crossed and went down another street, past the shops, a few restaurants and a small theater. The sidewalks were crowded with well-dressed people, and I enjoyed seeing their glamorous hustle-andbustle lifestyle.
When we reached the N.Y.U. campus, Billy had me pause to listen to some speakers. Some were making political speechs, others were ranting about the coming of the end of the world. At one corner a man played a guitar and sang folk songs to a small group that had gathered around him. He had his hat before him and people were putting in change and dollars.
Farther down, a group of young men sang spiritual songs a cappella. They were very good and they, too, had a basket out for contributions.
"What do you think?" Billy asked me as we moved down the sidewalk, past homeless people asking for handouts, a man arguing with a tree, and a black boy who looked like he couldn't be more than twelve playing the bongo drums.
"Now I understand why Holly calls New York a carnival of life."
Billy laughed and asked me to wheel him toward a bench where there were no people and little noise. I sat and we watched the traffic, the groups of tourists and city dwellers making their way to and from their destinations.
"It was on this corner," he suddenly said.
"What was?"
"Where it happened. I was running in that direction," he nodded to the left. "It was about two in the morning. I was a student here, you know."
"Oh. Doesn't it bother you to come here?"
"No. It intrigues me. I can give you this advice, Melody Logan," he said in a deeper, darker voice that made my spine tingle. "Seize the moment, confront the face of that which frightens you and search until you find a way out. Don't let anything shut you up inside yourself. Wherever you go, whatever you see, when you are most afraid, think of this corner, of those shadows, of me sitting here and staring back through time at myself, at the gunman, at the sound of the pistol, at myself folding on that sidewalk and then, suddenly rising up out of myself and standing taller than before."
He reached out and took my hand and I felt as if his courage and spiritual strength moved into me. I smiled. "Thank you, Billy."
"Thank yourself, cherish yourself and don't let anyone make you feel small."
He sat back and suddenly looked exhausted, as if he had spent all his energy on me.
"Maybe we should go back now," I suggested. He nodded.
Holly still hadn't r
eturned by the time we arrived. "Can I help you with anything?" I asked.