Author: Andrew Q. Gordon
Category: LGBT
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Kel approached him as he left. A young Bendari warrior acted as his guide. “Going somewhere?”
“I need to clear my head, and the sounds of camp are too distracting unless I’m moving.” He realized how silly it sounded and prepared for Kel to call him out.
“I understand.” Kel put his hand on Farrell’s shoulder. “Sometimes we need the familiar to maintain our focus.”
“Thank you.” He smiled weakly. “I think I’ll go make certain Nerti is settled.”
“There is no need. The Bendari know how to treat unicorns.”
Farrell raised an eyebrow. “That was my face-saving way of saying I want to talk to her.”
Kel laughed and squeezed before he let go. “My apologies. I’m not used to the delicate nature of pride among the young. Enjoy your walk.”
Before Farrell could respond, Kel walked to his yurt and disappeared. With nothing left to keep him, he set off. The direction didn’t matter, especially since he didn’t know where to find Nerti.
Farrell kept his senses open and saw magic everywhere. It wasn’t used in familiar ways, but the effects were recognizable. He spied a shaman sitting cross-legged before a stack of wood. She chanted softly, and Farrell saw magic drift out of her and surround the snow and logs. A moment later the fire roared to life and the woman opened her eyes. She smiled at him and he nodded before walking on.
As he walked people greeted him, and he tried to mimic their actions and hoped he didn’t offend anyone. Snow panthers roamed the camp, and he tried to study them discreetly. They didn’t appear as intelligent as unicorns or peregrines, but they moved with a definite purpose. Their actions spoke of a deeper understanding than domesticated animals possessed.
It struck him as impossible that so little was known about the Bendari and their way of life. And why had he read no mention of the snow panthers? He’d learned about the large white bears who hunted seals at the northern poles, so why not these?
He sighed. It didn’t matter why. He knew they existed now and he wanted to know more. “Nerti?”
“Yes, Little One?”
“Do you have all that you need?”
“I am capable of requesting whatever I need should the Bendari forget their manners.”
“I’m…. Indulge me, I’d like to visit with you for a bit.”
The pause lasted long enough for him to wonder if he’d disturbed her or was out of line. “Of course. We are at the southwest corner of the camp.”
Farrell reversed course and threaded his way back through the camp. He hadn’t realized his walk had taken him so far north until he searched for the line of tents at the southern edge. Again people greeted him, now more openly. He passed several groups working over large pots set on fires that didn’t melt the snow.
As he approached his destination, a snow panther padded toward him and sniffed his hand. Although he couldn’t tell them apart, he thought there was something familiar about this one. It walked off before Farrell could find out more. The cat remained in his thoughts as he continued.
“Are you planning to walk into the ocean?”
Nerti’s question shocked him out of his deliberations. He spun around and met her amused gaze. Set against the endless white and failing light, she’d blended into the background.
“Sorry, I lost you in the snow.” Although he wasn’t chilled, he pulled his cloak tighter around him.
“What prompted you to brave the cold to come see me?”
“I….” Only then did he realize he didn’t feel the freezing temperature as he knew he should. “It doesn’t feel cold to me.”
“Perhaps this is another side effect of Arritisa’s kiss.”
“No better explanation comes to mind.”
“I have nothing else to offer either. What did you want, Little One?” Her tone wasn’t angry, but neither was it welcoming.
“I wanted to be around someone I’m close to.” She turned her head and regarded him with an odd expression. That plus her initial greeting told him he was imposing. “I’m sorry. I had hoped you wouldn’t mind my company, but I can see I bothered you. I’ll go now.”
She moved quicker than Farrell and blocked his progress with her horn. “You think I dislike your company?”
“I don’t think you dislike me, but I know I’m not truly your friend. That would denote we are equals and we are not. I’m sorry Lenore forced you to be my companion.”
Nerti moved around and nearly impaled him in the processes. He flinched and stepped back. “What nonsense are you spouting? Where did you get the idea I am ordered to be your friend?”
“You told me Lenore forced you to leave Primilian against your wishes. If that weren’t enough, you are Queen Nerti, one of the oldest, wisest beings on Nendor. I’m just… just me. There are so many other more deserving people, it must be demeaning to allow me to ride with you.”
“Since you insist on having this conversation outside, let us walk so we can stay warm.” She nudged him south toward the perimeter. “I don’t know what prompted this discussion, but you not a burden. I’m as fond of you as I am of any of my own children.”
“You aren’t forced to let them ride on your back.”
“No, but they don’t have the power to save the world. Tell me, why the self-pity today?”
Was it self-pity? That wasn’t how he felt. “These people, they are so different from any I’ve met. They respect each other and care for each other like one giant family. If we hadn’t arrived, those thirty warriors would have died and they knew it. Yes, I’m sure they knew help was close, but it wasn’t close enough. So they turned and sacrificed themselves for everyone else.
“I talked to Esward. Some of the dead had no family in the group they were protecting. Yet they died for their friends. Bravely and without question. I can’t imagine the courage that requires.”
“Can’t you? I recall standing with you outside the walls of Agloth as a much larger army came at us.”
“That’s not even close to the same. I have more power than the entire clan combined. I was never in danger. But it’s more than that. They lead simple lives. They camped here because this is where they were meant to be. They are more in touch with themselves and Nendor than I can ever hope to be.”
Nerti didn’t answer, and he wasn’t sure how to take her silence. The crunch his boots made in the snow sounded so much louder than normal. They climbed a small rise, and in far west the last rays of sun danced on the Delmun Ocean.
“I could have chosen another to carry you.”
“What?” It took him a moment to process her words. “I thought Lenore told you who your rider would be.”
“In times of great need, yes, but for all other times, I could have assigned another. There are more famous or accomplished wizards in the world, but humans as a race see themselves as more important than others. Great wizards and kings especially think of themselves as above everyone else. Even when they have done nothing to deserve such status.
“You, however, have done things worthy of great praise. Yet you ask for none. You show your father and me the respect many others fail to give. When Rothdin or I speak, you listen and recognize we have lived a long time and might have a perspective you lack.
“To me, you are a foal I’m trying to teach. And like a wise youngling, you listen. Think of me as a mother raising her child. I most certainly do not tolerate your presence. I enjoy your company and take pride in you as grow into the being you are meant to be.”
He hadn’t come to her expecting anything more than someone to make him feel less alone. They had spoken of her feelings for him before, but not like this. He didn’t trust his voice at that moment and was glad he didn’t to try. “Thank you. I love you too.”
FARRELL SAT cross-legged above the snow and watched the sun rise. This far south the angle was different than at Haven. The light danced on the endless white horizon. It was a sunrise unlike any he’d seen before.
His late-night walk with Nerti proved s
oothing. So much so he suspected she used her abilities to calm his emotions. Their walk also revealed other instances of Bendari magic.
In addition to the magic to erect the yurts and to make fires, a strong detection spell enclosed the camp. Not just on the ground, but as far up as he could sense. The wash stations had running water warm enough to use without going numb. The power for the spells came from the person using it.
“New-day greetings, Favored One.” Esward’s voice broke his contemplation.
Unsure of the proper response, Farrell resorted to what he knew. “Good morning to you, Holy One.”
Esward’s laugh held genuine amusement. “There is only one Holy One in Bendar, and that is the Shaman.”
“Aren’t you a shaman also?”
“There are many shamans among the clans, but there is only one Shaman. Perhaps we should have given him or her a different title to avoid confusion, which is why we often refer to him as the Holy One.” Esward stood in front of Farrell. “All of which does not answer your question. I am a shaman of our people.”
“Understood.” Though he said it, Farrell wasn’t sure he could differentiate should the need arise.
“Most interesting how you greet the new day, Favored One.” He motioned to Farrell’s position.
Stepping down, he smiled sheepishly. “Everyone comments on it. It’s a habit, perhaps a bad one, that gives me a measure of serenity and focus.”
“Please don’t change your routine for me.” He stepped back. “I only meant to comment on how unique it is.”
Farrell shrugged. “There’s no formal routine. I try to find a moment of quiet each day to reflect on what is to come and what I need to do.”
“My sincerest apologies for intruding, Favored One.” Esward bowed. “I’ll leave you to find your moment.”
“No. Please don’t go.” Farrell almost reached out but felt certain touching the shaman was against Bendari customs. “I wasn’t finding any peace this day anyway.”
Esward laughed. “I find serenity when my feet are on the ground.”
“I have found it in many places: riding a unicorn, flying with a peregrine, swimming in the depths of the ocean, or sitting on the top of a mountain.”
“You speak as if these are personal experiences.”
“They are.” He might have said more, but it felt too close to boasting.
“You have lived beyond your years.” A bell rang and Esward paused to listen. “Morning meal is ready if you are hungry.”
“I am.” Farrell smiled and motioned for Esward to lead the way. “My life’s adventures are but a footnote compared to Kel’s.”
“A child does not compare his achievements to his parents’. The Ancient One is a poor measure for oneself.”
“True.” Compared to Esward’s serious nature, Farrell felt like a court fool. “My grandfather’s reappearance has made everyone reassess our importance.”
“Favored One—”
“Please call me Farrell. I’m not fond of titles.”
Esward stopped walking, and Farrell kicked himself for not following his grandfather’s instructions. He was still thinking about how best to apologize when Esward bowed.
“You honor me, Farrell.” He straightened and began walking. “Rank is afforded great respect in Bendar. To acknowledge one below you as an equal is a generous act.”
“Since I am not your equal, I apologize for treating you as such,” Farrell said.
“Do not mistake experience for importance, Farrell.” Esward’s serious expression was mirrored in his words. “Unless I misread the signs, none are more important to the Six than you.”
“Perhaps in time, but for now I’m the descendant of that being. I have a great deal to learn before anyone could think to give me Kel’s position.”
“We never stop learning, Farrell.” Esward put his hand on Farrell’s shoulder and squeezed. The two started to walk toward the center of camp. “It takes a wise being to understand we only lose the ability to gain knowledge when we die.”
Farrell kept silent. Esward had an answer for everything he said. The entire clan moved with a purpose, but not to break camp. “Are you planning to remain here when Kel and I leave?”
“For now you and the clan will remain here.”
Farrell wanted to ask for an explanation, but they reached the area where food was served. A young teen picked up a rectangular plate made of bone. He scooped some food from a large kettle bubbling over a fire and offered it to Esward.
“Serve the Favored One first.” Esward pointed to Farrell.
“Of course, Revered One.” The teen’s cheeks appeared a bit redder as he handed the plate to Farrell.
Farrell wished Esward had gone first so he’d know what to say. Lacking anything better, he reverted to the familiar. “Thank you.”
Esward collected his food and directed them toward an open area where others ate. Everyone stood until they sat, adding to Farrell’s discomfort.
“In Bendar our cities are wherever we stop. When we leave, so does the settlement.” Esward stabbed a piece of meat from his plate and ate it. “Eat. Food gets cold quickly in the Endless Snows.”
Farrell did as told and put a cube of meat in his mouth. The sauce had a tart, fishy taste, but he found it pleasing. He noticed Esward and the others didn’t speak as they cleaned their plates, so he followed their lead. The others finished before him, and when he looked up, Esward was watching him.
“Did I do something wrong?”
“No, you did not. I wanted to see how you liked your food. Whale meat is not for everyone.”
Whale…. “It was my first time eating whale meat, but it was good. My compliments to your cooks.”
“This clan is well regarded for its culinary skills,” Esward said with a smile. “They found it made the clans eager to gather if they feed them well.”
Farrell laughed. “I wonder if others know they are being bribed.”
“Perhaps.” Esward allowed an older man to collect his dish. The man took Farrell’s next. “You and your grandfather will remain with us for a time. Your destination was never a place. They whom you are to meet are on their way.”
Now Kel’s lack of urgency made sense—he had no idea where they were going. Kel had them roam Bendar waiting for a clan to find them. He must have known his presence would bring the Shaman and She Who Guides.
“How long will it take for the others to join us?”
“It is hard to know. The Shaman and She Who Guides will not arrive until all the chieftains are settled. There is a storm to the east that will likely slow some of the clans. Though we told them to leave when the Ancient One approached Bendar, they may have delayed too long to avoid the snow.”
Farrell sensed a hint of irritation in Esward’s voice. “How did you know to meet here?”
“This place is no more important than any other. Where we met you was where we would meet.” Edward stretched. “I should return to my duties. I will send someone to act as your guide until you are more familiar with our camp and our customs.”
Chapter 7
FARRELL TESTED his balance on the icy ground and began his morning exercises. Despite the bitter cold, the gloves he brought on the trip remained in his pocket. He’d expected his fingers would get numb, but since they’d arrived they’d been fine. His immunity to the temperature did nothing, however, for his balance.
An early morning storm left a thin powdery layer on the ground. The snow provided little traction, lying atop the icy pack beneath. Esward gave him a set of Bendari ice shoes—coarse-soled boot covers—that improved his footing, but it took time to adjust to them. After two days of practice, all he could do without stumbling were the simplest moves.
For three days the Bendari treated him as an honored guest. He’d been allowed to do little more than eat his meals, and he suspected they’d have fed him had he asked. Esward wasn’t as bad as the rest, but even he didn’t treat Farrell as an equal. So he spent his time training an
d learning more about the Bendari.
He found their clan structure interesting. Rank was not hereditary, it was merit-based. The equivalent of an Arvendi chief was a “kar.” Most interesting was the collective worship to the Six. There were no individual temples or clerics. As fascinating as that was, he didn’t need more than a couple of hours to learn all he wanted to know. Even Esward had run out of things to talk about after the second day.
Waiting for the last kar to arrive was frustrating. Tradition might dictate the kars arrive before the Shaman, but Farrell didn’t have time to waste on a latecomer. The trip was for him to learn, not sit in a camp waiting for people. Kel set time aside each day to talk and gave Farrell books to read, but they could have stayed at home for that. Farrell suggested they return to Haven until the Shaman arrived, but an angry glare from Kel ended that discussion.
Moving through his regimen, he forgot his boredom. Accounting for Farrell’s new strength and speed, Baylec had given him different exercises to practice on the trip. Though he had no one to spar with, he still worked up a sweat. As he turned into his second-to-last swing, he saw a trio of white snow panthers perched on a rise.
Farrell planted his staff in the snow. The way the three watched unnerved him. He inclined his head to acknowledge his audience. There was a curiosity that implied they understood Farrell’s actions. A moment later, without returning his greeting, they turned and walked away.
Rather than complete the last few moves, Farrell pulled his staff from the snow and headed back to camp. Halfway up a hill, he saw Esward walking his way.
“New-day greetings, Favored One,” he said.
Farrell found the use of Favored One annoying, but at least he’d stopped bowing. “Good morning, Esward.”
“I come bearing good news. She Who Guides arrived in the middle of the night.”
“Did the Shaman arrive with her?” Farrell tried not to sound too anxious.
“No, but he is traveling with members of the final clan. He should be here by midday meal.”