Author: J. A. Armstrong
Category: LGBT
Go to read content：https://onlinereadfreenovel.com/j-a-armstrong/page,5,469000-humbugs_holiday_homecoming.html
“No,” Mick disagreed. “It isn’t. Can we sit?”
Ruby grinned. “Only if you take off your coat first.”
Mick chuckled nervously. “Sorry.”
Ruby took Mick’s coat and hung it on a hook by the front door. “Come on.” She led Mick into the living room and directed her to have a seat on the couch. “Do you want something to drink?” Ruby asked.
“No.” Mick looked up nervously. “Unless you do.”
Ruby took a seat beside her friend. “Do you want to tell me what upset you earlier?”
“I shouldn’t have walked away.”
“From Logan?”
Mick nodded. “I haven’t seen that train—”
“I know. Leona told me.”
Mick put her face in her hands.
“Mick—”
“How do you do it?” Mick asked.
“Do what?” Ruby wondered.
“How do you stay so positive?”
Ruby understood the real question. She and Mick had never delved into the past. Their time together focused on Logan’s interest and tales, on shared work experiences, stories about Leona, and even a few shared laughs over incidents they’d experienced in college. Loss was never a topic of conversation. It was a subject that had determined much of whom both women had become. Ruby’s heart fluttered and sank. She wanted to get to know Mick—all of Mick. She would never push. This was an opening, and Ruby was not going to miss the opportunity to deepen her friendship with Mick.
“Do you mean after losing Katherine?” Ruby asked.
“Yeah. I mean, we’ve never talked about that. I don’t even know what happened.”
“No, we haven’t,” Ruby agreed. Her eyes tracked to a picture that sat on an end table of her and Katherine. She sighed. “We met in my senior year at college,” Ruby explained. “Kate was pursuing her master’s degree. She was—well, if I had to put a word to it, she was enchanting,” Ruby said wistfully.
“She was beautiful,” Mick commented.
“Yes, she was. She was also a pain in my ass,” Ruby supplied with a chuckle. “Not unlike you sometimes.”
“Me?”
Ruby winked. “She liked to give me a hard time every now and again.”
Mick’s lips turned and twisted into a knowing smirk.
“Oh, you thought I didn’t notice that, huh?” Ruby teased. She sobered and sighed. “She was also the kindest person I’d ever met. I enjoyed six wonderful years with her. The last year was hard—the most difficult time of my life,” Ruby confessed. “It was supposed to be the happiest for both of us. It started that way. Ironic how life and death can flow together sometimes.”
“What happened?”
“Leona never told you?”
“Mom never betrays a confidence.”
“It’s not a secret,” Ruby replied. “It’s also not something I talk about often.”
“I don’t want to intrude on—”
“Mick, stop—please.” Ruby let out a long breath. “I think it’s time we talked, don’t you?”
Mick swallowed a familiar lump in her throat. She wanted to know everything about Ruby. Perhaps, more disconcerting to her was the fact that she wanted to share everything about herself with Ruby. It was an unfamiliar feeling that unsettled her. “I’m sorry,” Mick said.
Ruby smiled adoringly. “Stop apologizing.”
“Sorry.”
Ruby chuckled.
“Go on,” Mick said.
“We were thrilled when we found out I was pregnant,” Ruby explained. “Kate was on top of the world. She started looking at cribs the day we got the news.” Ruby smiled warmly at the memory. “It was an amazing time. It was.”
“I can imagine.”
“Mm. Six months later we received a different kind of news,” Ruby said. She struggled to gather the strength to continue.
“Ruby, it’s okay if—”
A sad smile tugged at Ruby’s lips. “We learned that Kate had pancreatic cancer—the kind with little options to explore.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“Me too,” Ruby said. “She was determined to meet Logan, and she did. She got to be a part of the first five months of his life. Some days were better than others. The doctors had prepared us that she might not live a few months. She made it for almost a full year—almost,” Ruby said. “She had the chance to hold Logan, to see him smile, and hear him laugh at her silly faces. And then, we had to say goodbye.”
“I’m so sorry, Ruby.”
Ruby’s smile brightened slightly. “No, Mick, don’t be.”
Mick’s surprise was evident.
“It hurt. It was hell. I miss her. Some part of me will always miss her. I know that. But I had her.” Tears of gratefulness welled in Ruby’s eyes. “I have Logan. Losing her was unimaginable. I’d lose her a million times if it meant I got to love her. She would say the same thing. I know she would. I thought we’d grow old together. We had so many plans,” Ruby recalled. “We hoped to add to our family, to see our children grow and soar—we wanted to dance at their weddings and rock our grandchildren. Simple things, Mick—that’s what we dreamed about and talked about—planned for. All the planning in the world can’t stop life or death from happening. You and me? We both see that every day,” she said. “How do I stay positive?” Ruby closed her eyes and shook her head. “Mick, there are still some nights when I cry into my pillow. I feel so alone, and I want to scream at her—and, sometimes I do.” Ruby chuckled at the reality. “How could she leave me alone? How could she leave Logan? But then I find myself laughing through my tears. I see her smiling at me. I remember her expression the moment she saw Logan. I look at him and how can I be anything but hopeful? He sees everything as an adventure. He loves without considering the possibility of loss. I know that one day he’ll learn the lesson I have. I just hope he remembers that the only reason he feels the sting of loss is that he had the chance to love.”
Mick felt a tear wash over her cheek. Ruby amazed her.
“I know it hurt you to see Logan holding that train,” Ruby said.
“I hadn’t seen it since—”
“Your father died, I know.”
Mick felt sick. “I’ve hated Christmas ever since.”
Ruby listened.
“It was the day before Christmas Eve,” Mick recalled. “I remember the panic in my mother’s voice. I knew something was wrong. I knew when they rolled him away,” Mick struggled to continue.
“Mick—”
“He wasn’t coming back. I knew, Ruby. I don’t know how I knew. I knew.”
“I’m sorry you went through that,” Ruby said.
“My mom tried every year to get me into the Christmas spirit. I wanted it to be over.”
“I think that’s understandable.”
Mick shrugged. “It’s selfish.”
“I don’t think so.”
“It is. She lost her husband, and she—”
“Mick, you were a child,” Ruby interjected. “Old enough to feel that loss—to understand it. It’s not selfish. Can I ask you something?”
Mick nodded.
“What made you want to become a surgeon?”
Mick took a few deep breaths. “My dad. At first, I wanted to be a paramedic. They were the ones who took my dad out of the house. I still remember this young guy that put his hand on my shoulder as they wheeled the stretcher out the door. I guess I wanted to help.”
Ruby smiled.
“Then, as I got older, I wanted to understand.”
“How he died?” Ruby asked.
“I guess. I think I hoped I’d discover why. I learned all the mechanical reasons. None of those reasons ever explained why it had to be him,” Mick confessed. “I couldn’t ever bring him back,” she said. “Maybe I could save some kid’s dad on Christmas, though—maybe.”
Oh, Mick.
“Silly, I know.”
“I don’t think it’s silly at all,” Ruby said.
“When I sa
w Logan with that train—”
Ruby reached over and took Mick’s hand. “You don’t need to explain.”
“Yes, I do,” Mick disagreed. “I—”
“I’m listening.”
“I don’t know how to say this,” Mick said.
“You don’t need to say a thing.”
“Logan means a lot to me.”
Ruby smiled. “You mean a lot to him.”
“I know,” Mick said. “You mean a lot to me too.”
Ruby’s heart fluttered.
“More than I think I want to admit to you.”
“Is that so?” Ruby asked.
“I don’t know how to do this,” Mick said.
“What’s that?”
“Let someone in.”
“I think you just did,” Ruby replied.
Mick laughed. “There are probably a million reasons I shouldn’t do this.”
Ruby’s brow wrinkled with confusion.
Mick leaned forward and smiled. “But I’m going to do it anyway.” She brought her lips to Ruby’s gently.
Ruby’s hands reached for Mick’s arms and held on. Mick.
“I don’t know what’s next,” Mick said. “But I’d like to find out.”
Ruby kept her eyes closed. “Mick—”
“Unless you—”
“No,” Ruby began. She stroked Mick’s cheek. “It scares me, Mick.”
“I scare you?”
“What I feel scares me,” Ruby admitted.
“So, you feel something?” Mick asked with a lopsided grin.
Ruby chuckled. How could I not? “You’ve become my best friend,” she said. “I don’t want to lose you.”
“I don’t want that either,” Mick said. “But I don’t think I can pretend that it’s all I want—to be your friend, I mean. And, that scares the hell out of me.”
“I know it does.”
“So, maybe we can try being scared together?” Mick suggested.
Ruby traced Mick’s lips with a fingertip. “Maybe we should.”
Mick kissed Ruby sweetly. For the first time in her life ,a thought passed through her mind. I think I could fall in love with you, Ruby.
Ruby felt the world shift between them. Her forehead softly rested against Mick’s.
“I know you have to work tomorrow morning,” Mick said. “But would it be okay if we sat here for a little while?”
Ruby cupped Mick’s face in her hands. She longed for Mick to hold her. It terrified her and thrilled her at the same time. Her eyes searched Mick’s.
Mick pulled Ruby into her arms. “Just for a while,” Mick requested.
Ruby closed her eyes and let Mick hold her. A while could end up being a very long time, Mick—a very, very long time.
Chapter Four
“Thanks, Leona,” Ruby said.
“I’m happy to spend today with Logan.”
“And, he’ll be happy to have you here.”
“Are you all right?” Leona asked.
“Me? Sure. Why?”
“Did you have a good talk with Mick last night?”
Ruby blushed.
Leona laughed. She placed a motherly kiss on Ruby’s cheek. “I guess that answers my question.”
Ruby’s lips curled into a shy smile. “Logan slept with that train last night.”
“I’ll bet he did. You get out of here and have a good day at work. I’ll see you this evening.”
“Thanks again.”
“Oh, don’t thank me. It’s been years since I had the chance to see Christmas through a child’s eyes.”
Ruby placed a kiss on Leona’s cheek. “I’m glad you’re here.”
Leona wiped a tear from the corner of her eye. “Go on now. Get out of here.”
Ruby grabbed her coat and walked out the front door. She looked over at the house next door and wondered what Mick might be doing. Was she sleeping, making her coffee, or taking a shower? Ruby’s skin flushed despite the cold December air. Get that visual out of your head, Ruby. She chuckled. Good luck with that.
***
“This is heavy." Mick grumbled as she carried a box from the basement. She set it down on the floor in the kitchen and opened it to peer inside. She lost her breath for a second and closed her eyes to regain her footing. She reached inside slowly and retrieved a green boxcar. A smile graced her lips even as a tear fell over her cheek. One by one, Mick removed the contents of the box to study each. Her mother’s words rang in her head. She’d always assumed that the winter wonderland in her home was Leona’s doing. Maybe she’d needed to believe that. Mick wasn’t certain how to cross the Christmas threshold. Right or wrong, reasonable or unreasonable, the sight of a Christmas tree, the sound of Christmas carols, Santa Claus in the mall—all of it brought her back to that fateful December morning and the sight of her father lifeless on the living room floor. More than anything, Mick wished she could banish that image. She closed the box again and took a deep breath. Realization hit her. She’d never tried to banish the image. Maybe she would never be able to. Perhaps, she could replace it with something equally powerful. Her thoughts drifted to Ruby and Logan and she smiled genuinely.
Mick had stayed on Ruby’s couch, Ruby sleeping in her arms until the wee hours of the morning. She couldn’t recall the last time she’d slept beside someone without the need for seduction. She’d been content to be close to Ruby, to breathe in Ruby’s presence. She’d drifted off a few times but preferred to remain awake and aware of the woman beside her. Romantic relationships were as foreign a concept to Mick as walking through a winter wonderland. Mick had loads of friends back in California. She’d never found anyone that compelled her to want to change her life or her attitude about anything in life—Christmas included. Something had shifted since she’d arrived home. Mick took a few steps and entered the living room. She let her eyes roam across the various decorations and the tree that stood in the corner. For the first time in many years, Mick wandered to the tree and studied the ornaments she found there. She remembered many of them.
A small, shiny green elf caught her attention. Mick chuckled. “Creepy little dude,” she commented to herself. As a child, Mick had always regarded the elves in the tree as fun. She recalled that her father told her they kept an eye on things for Santa. Mick laughed. “Your way of keeping me in line, Dad?” She lifted the elf from its branch and shook her head. It was time—time for Michaela Mulligan to face the past—time to let it go. She swore she could feel her father’s presence standing over her shoulder, whispering in her ear. Gary Mulligan was still in this house. He’d never left. He’d always been with her, she just never wanted to admit it.
“Why?” Mick asked. Silence would be her answer. There was no why to be explained about death—not the kind she’d sought all these years. Death happened. No one knew that better than Mick. She often pondered why a person who had lived a long life and would never have any quality of life again survived unthinkable odds, while a young person with their whole life ahead of them crashed on the operating table and never made it home again. What had Ruby said about Logan?
I just hope he remembers that the only reason he feels the sting of loss is that he had the chance to love.
Mick carried the elf back to the kitchen. She placed it in her jacket pocket and lifted the box from the floor. No single word or ethereal voice would ever answer the question she longed to understand. Why had she lost her father? She had received a different kind of answer—a direction, and Mick was certain that someone other than a Christmas elf had sent it. She looked at the plate of decorated cookies that sat in the middle of the kitchen table and grinned. “Message received, Dad,” she said.
***
“Mick’s here!” Logan ran toward the kitchen to find Leona.
Leona wandered down the hallway to the living room and opened the front door just as Mick sauntered up the steps. “Well, look what the reindeer dragged in.”
“Funny, Mom.”
Leona pushed the door open
for Mick to walk through.
“Mick!” Logan screamed excitedly.
“Logan!” Mick called out in turn.
“What’s that?” Logan asked.
“This?” Mick set the box down beside the tree. “You don’t recognize the box?” Mick asked.
Logan grinned.
“Oh, that’s what I thought.”
“It’s your train!”
“Well, it was my train when I was your age,” Mick said. “This train is meant to help Santa.”
“Really?” Logan asked.
“That’s what my dad always said.”
“Cool!”
Mick laughed. “Santa already knows where I live.”
“Yeah, the North Pole!” Logan giggled.
Leona raised her brow.
Mick bit her lower lip. “Shh,” she whispered not-so-quietly to Logan. “Mrs. Claus will hear us.”
Leona rolled her eyes. “Are you planning on staying here a while?”
Mick nodded. “I thought we’d surprise Ruby.” Mick winked at Logan.
“Well, good because I have some things to do at home,” Leona replied. “You can handle lunch for Logan, can’t you?”
“Sure. I know how to order pizza.”
Logan pumped his fist in the air.
Leona arched a brow at her daughter again.
“It’s tradition, Grandma,” Mick said. “Don’t you remember? Dad always got pizza while we set up the train.”
Leona choked on her emotion. She remembered. She wasn’t surprised that Mick had brought the train over to Ruby’s. She hadn’t expected Mick to embrace the sacred tradition this quickly with Logan. “I remember.”
“Logan,” Mick began. “Do me a favor and go see if Mom has any tape in the kitchen.”
“It’s in the pantry,” he said.
“Good. We’ll probably need a little for the trees. Can you reach it?” Mick asked.
“Yep!” Logan hurried off.
Mick stood and looked at her mother. “I’m sorry, Mom.”
“Nothing to be sorry about.”
“Yeah, there is. There really is. I need to do this with Logan.”
“I know.”
“All of it.”
“I can see that,” Leona said.
“I—Mom, I think that I—”
Leona smiled. “You are falling,” she surmised. “I know.”