Author: Pete Sortwell
Category: Humorous
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These won’t make you sleep with the office ginger.
It is so dull in the office I work in. The boss, Mr Hogsbottom, is a posh boy who is as thick as a tin of soup. I have very little, other than ordering the boss’s dinner and filling out a few forms, to do. I spend my time eating, it’s nice to have a treat every now and then. Although, of course, this brings troubles of its own. I’m overweight. There, I said it. I’m a big fat bird.
I ordered these to try and help. I thought Amazon would be a better place to buy from as the ones I brought from a Chinese website did some strange things to me. I didn’t want to eat at all, that was the good part, but I was sweating, erratic and wide awake all the time. My husband said they were like speed, although I’ve never taken drugs so don’t know if that’s true or not. All I know is those pills put me in a place I liked, to a point. The downside, other than the sweating, which as a fat person, I’m used to anyway, was that I liked everyone a lot more than I normally do. That and the increased libido. I was horny ALL the time. Which when you work in an office is no good, there is only so many times you can hide in the toilet trying to scratch that itch.
I’m ashamed to say, I ended up sleeping with Mark, the idiot health and safety officer. Well, we didn’t even sleep, just met up behind the factory a few times. Every day. For a week. I think it was his breath repeating on me on the way home that made me realise something wasn’t quiet right. I normally hate him. When I was on the Chinese pills though, I liked him immensely. I flushed the pills the Sunday after my week of passion with Mark and ordered these. I’m relieved to say that they’ve restored my sanity to normal and I was able to sneer at Mark with all my usual gusto when he tipped me the wink around half ten on the first day without my old diet pills. He got the message. It makes me shudder to think about now, though. There was a side effect to those other pills too. I had a hallucination. Just one. A giant fish outside the window, just swimming about. It was so real I didn’t know I’d been seeing things until I sat down and thought about it. I mean huge goldfish don’t fly about near second floor office windows, do they?
I’ve not seen as big a difference in the weight with these new pills yet. I’m hoping that they will kick in. My appetite has come back big time after my week of not really eating at all. I’m not expecting the weight loss I got from the other pills, but some would be nice.
The other positive thing about these pills is that I’m not finding myself dancing to any music. Least of all classical FM, which is what we’re forced to listen to in the office. I was getting strange looks doing ‘big fish, little fish’ while Mozart was playing.
So, although I’ve seen little weight loss with these, I’ve seen other benefits. Not having had Mark’s spicy sausage in my mouth for more than a week being the first one to come to mind.
Five stars!
-Margaret
The Idiot Government Reviews
Read the first three reviews from the book:
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