Author: Pete Sortwell
Category: Humorous
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A splendid symbol of power amongst the normal people in your office.
It’s very important as an MP to look like you know what you’re doing. You need to look the part at all times. I bought this for my first day in the big house. As Member of Parliament, it’s important to have the correct stationery. I owe it to my constituents. I owe it to myself.
Getting it personalised was easy. I simply sent the seller my requirements, ‘Elouise Munch, MP for South West Cambridgeshire’ and it was delivered a few days later. I’ve kept the receipt ready to put in with my first expenses claim. Sadly, though, as it was from Amazon there is a digital record of it so there’s no way I can doctor it with my new pen, which means the time I spent ordering it won’t be covered.
Once I was in the office, the pen out and on display, I could see everyone that I came into contact with was impressed. I’ll only really need the pen for ticking boxes, signing autographs and such like. I’ve got my own secretary and a PA for all the boring stuff. It’s where I’ve always wanted to be, in charge. I’ve got all the gophers I need. Anything I want doing they have to do.
After the first day introductions were done, I headed over to ‘The Big House’ for the first cabinet meeting. Having a chat with Perry, the new Minister for Transport, was interesting. He filled me in on the job. Which is basically: turn up to the Chamber, jeer a bit, wave some paper round, then do a couple more meetings, order the team to do the work leading on from the meetings, then lunch with whoever takes my fancy that day and whack the whole lot on expenses. It’s pretty much everything I’ve ever wanted. All the power, a bit of pocket money to fund my lunches as I work my way up to the House of Lords and pretty much anything paid for by the stupid tax payer through the expenses system.
It all starts with this pen.
- Elouise Munch
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