Author: Andrew Mackay
Category: Humorous
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"No," Jamie said, "What is?"
"The thrusters. The back of the cone is effectively one huge blaster that makes the spaceship go forwards and backwards."
"Like a big fire?" Jamie asked.
"Sure."
A slightly overweight man with glasses, Captain Daryl Katz, approached the trio. In his fifties, he sported a withered face that had seen many a flight in his time.
"Well, here’s the captain," Tripp said. "Why not ask him?"
"And who do we have here, Commander Healy?" Katz asked in his thick Texan accent. He shook Emily’s hand.
"This is Jamie Anderson and his mother, Emily. And their cat, Jelly."
Katz pressed his hands to his knees and took a good look at her through cage’s bar, "Cute little thing, ain’t she? Coochie-coo, oh, you’re cute, aren’t you? Yes, yes… yeeeeees… you are."
The others sniggered as Katz spoke to her in a silly voice.
"Mister?"
"You can call me captain, champ," Katz adjusted his spectacles.
Jamie looked at the strange object on his face. They had no lenses in them.
"What’s that thing covering your eyes, Captain?"
"Oh these," Katz slid them off his face and showed them to the boy, "They’re called glasses. People used to wear them decades ago."
"Why?" Jamie took them and put them over his face. "They look silly."
"Well, in the old days folk were born with eyes that didn’t see so good. So they needed to wear these to help them see better."
"Weird," Jamie decided he didn’t like the antiquated gadget and handed them back.
Katz admired the unusual device for a moment and thought about his past. "Ah, they’re more for decoration, really. They remind me of my grandfather. He used to wear them."
Tripp chuckled to himself, "I was just about to explain to young Jamie, here, how the thrusters work."
"Ah, the thrusters," Katz put his glasses back on and looked at the fat-end of the ship, "Gaseous core nuclear engines. Powerful stuff, but the ol’ girl gets the job done, don’t it?"
"What is gassy binocular?" Jamie asked, unsure if he’d heard the man correctly.
"Nuclear engines, Jamie," Katz banged the side of the vessel, "Kinda like tiny nuclear bombs that get thrown out the back and blast the spaceship to where it needs to go."
"Wow," Jamie blinked at the captain. "Sounds powerful."
"It sure is," Katz walked along the corridor and waved his hands, “The bombs create a ripple in the fabric of space and Opera Beta can surf on them to get where it needs to go much faster.”
“Yeah,” Jamie nodded. “Surfing is cool.”
“Cool? It’s positively chilling, young man,” Katz chuckled at the child’s wonder at the information. "Speaking of which, the whole outside of the ship is made of ceramic. The heat shields are made of it, too, to protect the crew."
"What is that?" Jamie asked, "Ceramic?"
"It’s kinda like what your dinner plates are made from. You know when you take your dinner out of the microwave, and the plate isn’t as hot as the food?"
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah, like that. All the older spaceships didn’t have it, and the people inside got very hot. But the clever scientists at USARIC figured out a way to modify its structure. It’s lightweight and heat retardant, and works well."
Jamie sniggered to himself, hoping not to get caught.
"What’s so funny, young man?"
"Nothing," Jamie wiped his mouth and tried to stop laughing.
"Naw, c’mon," Katz said. "Spit it out?"
"You said retard."
"Eh?"
Katz looked at Tripp for answer. All he got was an "I dunno” shrug of the shoulders.
"Did I say that?"
Tripp pushed through to the next point of interest.
"Aww, no," Katz finally caught on, "I said retardant, not retard. Though, I guess they mean the same thing…"
The door to the armory slid open.
Jaycee, dressed in his threatening exo-suit, inspected a variety of weapons.
"Ah, Jaycee," Katz said. "We have guests. Thought you’d like to meet them?"
Jaycee stood up from the bench and lowered the machine gun in his hands. As he stepped forward, the room rumbled back and forth under his heavy mechanical suit and footwear.
He saluted Jamie and smiled at his mother. "Yes."
"Jamie, this is Jaycee Nayall," Katz tapped Tripp on the back, "He’s in charge of the armory on the spaceship. I’m afraid I have to go and run some last-minute checks. I’ll leave you in the company of my second-in-command."
"Bye, Captain."
Katz winked at him and pointed at Jelly’s cage on the way out. "Cute cat, by the way. Looking forward to working with her."
Tripp looked up at Jaycee and made some small talk. "Jaycee? Wanna tell the kid about yourself?"
"Sure," Jaycee slung the machine gun over his shoulder and pulled out a pistol. "This here is the Rez-9." He dropped the clip into his palm, satisfied that the chamber was empty.
"Here, wanna hold it?"
"Okay."
Emily watched her son take the gun in his hand and aim it at the lockers on the wall.
"Careful where you point that thing, Poppet," Emily turned to Jaycee. "Sorry, we don’t have guns back home."
"I know," Jaycee sniggered, "And look where that’s gotten you."
Emily ignored his pithy remark and turned her head.
"Bang," Jamie pretended to shoot the locker door, having the time of his life. "Wow, I love this. Can I keep it?"
"Oh, no, no," Jaycee grabbed the gun from out of his hands and slipped it back into his belt. "It’s not a toy, it’s very dangerous. It’ll disintegrate every molecule in your body if you’re not careful."
Tripp snapped out of his daydream and saw that Emily wasn’t impressed with the armory.
"Hey, thanks, Jaycee," he said. "I think we’ll move on, now. Time is of the essence."
"Any time."
"Follow me," Tripp pressed his palm against the panel on the wall. The door slid open, allowing him and Emily through.
Jamie approached the door and turned back to look at Jaycee. He placed his left boot on the workbench and tied his shoelaces.
"He looks really sad," Jamie muttered.
"So, this is the main passageway that connects all the different areas of the ship. We call it the hub."
Tripp pointed at various protrusions coming from the corridor walls.
Pipework.
Fuse boxes.
Connected strip lights shot into the foreground, illuminating the shiny linoleum-esque flooring.
"What is a hub?" Jamie asked.
"It’s like a central point for people to meet. No point showing you that as it’s just a big meeting room. Pretty boring."
Tripp turned a corner and made his way to the medical facility.
"Okay, this one is cool," Tripp approached the door. "This is Wool’s office. You remember her, right?"
"Yes, the brown lady?"
"Yeah," Tripp spat. "The brown lady. Jelly’s new carer."
The three of them made their way into the area.
"It’s like a hospital in here," Emily said, sniffing around.
"Welcome to Medix," Tripp looked around the tables and beds for his colleague. "USARIC has some of the highest-trained medicians on the planet. Wool is the best one we have."
He moved forward and looked over at her computer desk, "Wool, are you here?"
Jamie was fascinated by the beds. One in particular, a much smaller structure, sat at the far end of the room. A drip lay next to it along with a small monitor on a metal tray.
"This looks like an animal bed?" Jamie said. "It’s too small for a person."
"Yes," a familiar voice came from behind Jamie. "It’s exclusively for Jelly."
Wool ar-Ban approached the trio with a great big smile.
"Hi, Wool," Jamie said.
"Hey, Jamie," she turned to Emi
ly, "You must be his mother?”
"Yes. Hi."
"Before we go on, I’d like to apologize for what happened yesterday," Wool shook Emily’s hand, "It was very unfortunate, but I can assure you that it’s not symptomatic of USARIC’s usual handling of things."
"That’s okay," Emily said. "It’s not for my benefit. It’s for my son. He loves space and spaceships and stuff like that."
"Yes, so I hear," Wool smiled at Jamie and held out her hands. "So, this is my area of the ship."
Jamie looked around, impressed, "You’re a doctor?"
"No, I’m a medician."
"You do magic tricks and stuff?"
"No, not a magician. Medician."
"What is that?"
"I’m a veterinarian and general practitioner for human beings."
"Why are you brown?" Jamie asked in his infinite naivety. "Are you Indian?"
Wool burst out laughing and shook her head. "Gosh, no. Whatever makes you think that?"
"You’ve got brown skin like an Indian."
"No, I’m half Iranian," Wool said in her perfect American accent. "My father was Iranian and my mother was American. And you’re English, right?"
"Yes."
"And where’s your father?"
Jamie shrugged his shoulders and lifted Jelly’s case into the air. "He’s in heaven, now."
Emily looked away from Wool and bit her lip. Her son’s somewhat emotionless remark hit her right in the gut. It wasn’t the woman’s fault she’s asked such an unfortunate question.
Wool caught on immediately and turned the emotional tables around. “I’ve heard her name is Jelly?”
"Yeah. Wanna meet her?" Jamie asked.
"Sure. Put her on her bed and we’ll take a look."
Jamie plonked the cat’s carry case on the little hospital bed and unclipped the locks.
The cage sprung out, inviting Jelly to freedom. She wouldn’t come out of the case. Wool ducked her head down and looked the cat in eyes. "Hey, girl."
Jelly ducked her head and looked at her paws.
"C’mon, let’s get you out of there," Wool reached in and grabbed Jelly under the arms. The cat fought back at first. Once she was in the arms of her new carer, she purred and rather enjoyed the comfort.
"I think she likes me," Wool said, cradling Jelly in her arms. "Who’s a good girl, then? My little honey."
"She likes you, Wool."
"Yes," she said and stroked the cat’s chin with her knuckle, "She looks very happy. Evidently feels safe with her little engine running."
"Great stuff," Tripp approached his colleague and held her shoulder. "We don’t have much time, and I’d like Jamie to meet everyone."
"Oh, sure," Wool offered Tripp Jelly to carry. "You want to take her, Commander?"
"Sure, hand her over."
Tripp took Jelly into his arms and observed her face. "Wow, she really is special, isn’t she?"
"She’s one in a million. Quite literally." Wool winked at Jamie, who grinned back at her. "Jamie, don’t worry. She’s in safe hands. My job is to look after her, and I intend to do just that."
"Will you feed her and make sure she gets lots of exercise?"
"Of course, Jamie," Wool walked back to her computer desk. "Have fun checking out the ship. I’ll make sure you get some screen time with Jelly once we’re out of hyper-sleep, okay?"
"Okay."
Tripp, Jamie and Emily made their way to the other end of the corridor. A silver screen door lay at the very end.
Tripp crouched down and allowed Jelly out from his arms. "Go on, girl."
"Wait. Is it safe?" Jamie asked.
"She can only go forwards or backwards. She’ll probably reach the next room before us, anyway. It’s good for her to have a bit of a run around. Get her used to the ship.”
Jelly reached the door to an area named Botanix. She scratched at the glass, excited at the playground that lay behind it.
"Where are we going now?" Jamie asked.
"Botanix," Tripp explained. "It’s the part of the ship that provides us with oxygen and fresh water."
"How does it do that?"
"You’ll see."
They reached Jelly, who butted her head against the door. He placed his palm onto the panel on the wall. "Open up."
It slid open and offered a full view of what Jelly had seen moments ago.
Rows and rows of plants, too varied and numerous to mention. Two powerful lamps shone over them. Silver foil lined the soil as far as the eye could see.
Jamie and his mother were taken aback by just how clean the air was. As expected, Jelly ran up the rows and explored the place for all it was worth.
"Haloo?"
"Hello?" Jamie asked. "What?"
"No, Haloo," he said, "My colleague."
A young woman hosed the second row of plants and spotted her new visitors entering the room. She saw the cat weaving in and out of the plants.
"Hey, guys. Is that our winner poking around my geraniums?" Haloo asked.
"Yes, that’s Jelly."
"Huh," Haloo watched her rummage away at the soil. "Gonna have to keep an eye on her, then."
"My name is Jamie Anderson. I’m Jelly’s human," he said, offering his hand.
Haloo smirked and took the kid’s hand in hers. "Nice to meet you. I’m Haloo Ess, Opera Beta’s botanist."
"Botanist?"
"Yes, I look after the plants."
"Cool," Jamie threw her hand away and ran after Jelly. "Hey, girl, come back here."
Emily and Tripp chuckled as they watched Jelly sneak around the plants trying to hide from her master.
"Hey, Tripp. Did we get those new purifiers I ordered?"
"I’m not sure. I’m about to have Baldron, our new engineer, and the other new guy check it. I forget his name."
"Tor, I think."
"Right, that’s him," Haloo smiled at Emily. "Hey, congratulations on winning, by the way. A real honor to be working with your… cat. Jelly?"
"Yes, Jelly," Emily said. "Is she really going to be the first?"
"Yes, she is. Is there anything you’d like to ask while you’re here? You can ask anything."
Emily looked around and took in the sheer height of the room. At least thirty-feet tall. "This is really impressive. So, all this provides all the oxygen you need?"
"Yes, it’s a cyclical process. As long as us humans, and, uh, felines, keep on producing carbon dioxide, the plants continue to generate oxygen and provide fresh water."
Haloo nodded over at the far end of room. "The room is hermetically sealed when not in use, so CO2 levels remain constant. God forbid we ever have a fire in here."
"Why?"
"The place would go up in an instant, so the entire place is fireproof. Bombproof, actually."
"Well, that is reassuring," Emily looked over at Jamie and Jelly playing around in the plants. "Hey, guys. C’mon, don’t disrupt the lady’s work area."
"Oh, they’re fine."
Jamie scooped Jelly up in his arms and scrambled over to his mother. "I think she likes this room."
"I’m not surprised," Emily said, "Loads of opportunity to hide and trash the place."
The statement received a knowing chuckle from Tripp and Haloo.
"Okay, I better get back to work," Haloo said. "The tank needs refilling."
"Okay."
Haloo returned to her hose amongst the plants. "Please check on those filters, Tripp."
***
"This spaceship is so big," Jamie said to Tripp as they made their way to the front of the vessel.
Emily clutched the handle on Jelly’s carry case. She looked through the bars to see that her pet was unhappy. The cat clawed at the bars and whined.
"Hush, Jelly," Emily said.
"We’re going to meet a very special person," Tripp walked into the Fit Room.
"Wow," Jamie took a look around.
Treadmills.
Exercise bicycles.
Rowing machines.
In the corner, a young woman with brunette hair held her fists up at a mannequin. She bounced around on the spot, ready to attack it.
A holograph of a man’s face appeared on the silver head of the mannequin. The woman squinted at it and clenched her right fist.
"Stop looking at me," she screamed at the mannequin’s face. Her body lifted into the air and roundhouse-kicked the mannequins head. The piece of plastic exploded and bounced off the wall, leaving fine debris remnants to float to the ground.
"Bonnie?" Tripp shouted across the room. "Are you fit?"
She lowered her head and slowed her breathing. "I’m fine," she said, socking the headless mannequin in the gut with anger.
"Whoa," Jamie stopped in his tracks, afraid to go anywhere near her. "Who’s she?"
Bonnie twisted her head to the young boy and flicked her hair over her shoulder. "Who are you?"
"This is Jamie Anderson and his mother, Emily," Tripp said.
‘Hi,’ Jamie offered, innocently.
Bonnie took a towel from the wall holder and wiped the sweat from her brow. "So?"
"Their cat won the Star Cat Project." Tripp took the carry case from Emily and presented it to Bonnie. "Here she is. Jelly."
Bonnie looked through the bars with a blatant nonchalance. "Oh, cool."
Jelly meowed at her from inside the case. Bonnie’s demeanor changed the moment she clapped eyes on the animal.
"Can I hold her?" she asked.
"Sure."
Bonnie opened the cage. Jelly relished the opportunity to jump out into her hands. She nestled quite comfortably in her arms and clawed at the woman’s fingers. "Cute cat. What’s her name?"
"Jelly," Jamie said. "I’m her human."
"Cool."
Jelly’s purring was so loud that it could be heard from the other end of the room.
"I’m Dr. Bonnie Whitaker," she smiled. "Opera Beta’s physicist."
"Why were you punching that plastic thing?" Jamie asked, to the amusement of Tripp and Bonnie.
"Oh, just getting some exercise. Do you know Jitsaku?”
“No? What is it?”
“It’s a fusion of Jijitsu and Kung Fu. You use your enemy’s power against them.” She looked for a reaction from Tripp. "We have to stay fit and exercise otherwise we’ll slow down. Shame we can’t do the same for our mental state, isn’t it?"
Tripp grinned at Jamie. "Bonnie, why don’t you show young Jamie, here, your special feature?"