Author: Henryk Sienkiewicz
Category: Nonfiction
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Chapter XV
PETRONIUS to VINICIUS:
"I send to thee from Antium, by a trusty slave, this letter, to which,though thy hand is more accustomed to the sword and the javelin than thepen, I think that thou wilt answer through the same messenger withoutneedless delay. I left thee on a good trail, and full of hope; henceI trust that thou hast either satisfied thy pleasant desires in theembraces of Lygia, or wilt satisfy them before the real wintry wind fromthe summits of Soracte shall blow on the Campania. Oh, my Vinicius! maythy preceptress be the golden goddess of Cyprus; be thou, on thy part,the preceptor of that Lygian Aurora, who is fleeing before the sun oflove. And remember always that marble, though most precious, is nothingof itself, and acquires real value only when the sculptor's hand turnsit into a masterpiece. Be thou such a sculptor, carissime! To love isnot sufficient; one must know how to love; one must know how to teachlove. Though the plebs, too, and even animals, experience pleasure, agenuine man differs from them in this especially, that he makes lovein some way a noble art, and, admiring it, knows all its divine value,makes it present in his mind, thus satisfying not his body merely,but his soul. More than once, when I think here of the emptiness, theuncertainty, the dreariness of life, it occurs to me that perhaps thouhast chosen better, and that not Caesar's court, but war and love, arethe only objects for which it is worth while to be born and to live.
"Thou wert fortunate in war, be fortunate also in love; and if thou artcurious as to what men are doing at the court of Caesar, I will informthee from time to time. We are living here at Antium, and nursing ourheavenly voice; we continue to cherish the same hatred of Rome, andthink of betaking ourselves to Baiae for the winter, to appear in publicat Naples, whose inhabitants, being Greeks, will appreciate us betterthan that wolf brood on the banks of the Tiber. People will hastenthither from Baiae, from Pompeii, Puteoli, Cumae, and Stabia; neitherapplause nor crowns will be lacking, and that will be an encouragementfor the proposed expedition to Achaea.
"But the memory of the infant Augusta? Yes! we are bewailing her yet. Weare singing hymns of our own composition, so wonderful that the sirenshave been hiding from envy in Amphitrite's deepest caves. But thedolphins would listen to us, were they not prevented by the sound of thesea. Our suffering is not allayed yet; hence we will exhibit it to theworld in every form which sculpture can employ, and observe carefully ifwe are beautiful in our suffering and if people recognize this beauty.Oh, my dear! we shall die buffoons and comedians!
"All the Augustians are here, male and female, not counting ten thousandservants, and five hundred she asses, in whose milk Poppaea bathes. Attimes even it is cheerful here. Calvia Crispinilla is growing old. Itis said that she has begged Poppaea to let her take the bath immediatelyafter herself. Lucan slapped Nigidia on the face, because he suspectedher of relations with a gladiator. Sporus lost his wife at dice toSenecio. Torquatus Silanus has offered me for Eunice four chestnuthorses, which this year will win the prize beyond doubt. I would notaccept! Thanks to thee, also, that thou didst not take her. As toTorquatus Silanus, the poor man does not even suspect that he is alreadymore a shade than a man. His death is decided. And knowest what hiscrime is? He is the great-grandson of the deified Augustus. There is norescue for him. Such is our world.
"As is known to thee, we have been expecting Tiridates here; meanwhileVologeses has written an offensive letter. Because he has conqueredArmenia, he asks that it be left to him for Tiridates; if not, hewill not yield it in any case. Pure comedy! So we have decided on war.Corbulo will receive power such as Pompeius Magnus received in the warwith pirates. There was a moment, however, when Nero hesitated. He seemsafraid of the glory which Corbulo will win in case of victory. It waseven thought to offer the chief command to our Aulus. This was opposedby Poppaea, for whom evidently Pomponia's virtue is as salt in the eye.
"Vatinius described to us a remarkable fight of gladiators, which isto take place in Beneventum. See to what cobblers rise in our time,in spite of the saying, 'Ne sutor ultra crepidam!' Vitelius is thedescendant of a cobbler; but Vatinius is the son of one! Perhaps hedrew thread himself! The actor Aliturus represented Oedipus yesterdaywonderfully. I asked him, by the way, as a Jew, if Christians and Jewswere the same. He answered that the Jews have an eternal religion, butthat Christians are a new sect risen recently in Judea; that in the timeof Tiberius the Jews crucified a certain man, whose adherents increasedaily, and that the Christians consider him as God. They refuse, itseems, to recognize other gods, ours especially. I cannot understandwhat harm it would do them to recognize these gods.
"Tigellinus shows me open enmity now. So far he is unequal to me; buthe is, superior in this, that he cares more for life, and is at the sametime a greater scoundrel, which brings him nearer Ahenobarbus. These twowill understand each other earlier or later, and then my turn will come.I know not when it will come; but I know this, that as things are itmust come; hence let time pass. Meanwhile we must amuse ourselves. Lifeof itself would not be bad were it not for Bronzebeard. Thanks to him,a man at times is disgusted with himself. It is not correct to considerthe struggle for his favor as a kind of rivalry in a circus,--as akind of game, as a struggle, in which victory flatters vanity. True, Iexplain it to myself in that way frequently; but still it seems to mesometimes that I am like Chilo, and better in nothing than he. When heceases to be needful to thee, send him to me. I have taken a fancy tohis edifying conversation. A greeting from me to thy divine Christian,or rather beg her in my name not to be a fish to thee. Inform me of thyhealth, inform me of thy love, know how to love, teach how to love, andfarewell."
VINICIUS to PETRONIUS:
"Lygia is not found yet! Were it not for the hope that I shall find hersoon, thou wouldst not receive an answer; for when a man is disgustedwith life, he has no wish to write letters. I wanted to learn whetherChilo was not deceiving me; and at night when he came to get the moneyfor Euricius, I threw on a military mantle, and unobserved followedhim and the slave whom I sent with him. When they reached the place, Iwatched from a distance, hidden behind a portico pillar, and convincedmyself that Euricius was not invented. Below, a number of tens of peoplewere unloading stones from a spacious barge, and piling them up on thebank. I saw Chilo approach them, and begin to talk with some old man,who after a while fell at his feet. Others surrounded them with shoutsof admiration. Before my eyes the boy gave a purse to Euricius, who onseizing it began to pray with upraised hands, while at his side somesecond person was kneeling, evidently his son. Chilo said somethingwhich I could not hear, and blessed the two who were kneeling, as wellas others, making in the air signs in the form of a cross, which theyhonor apparently, for all bent their knees. The desire seized me to goamong them, and promise three such purses to him who would deliver to meLygia; but I feared to spoil Chilo's work, and after hesitating a momentwent home.
"This happened at least twelve days after thy departure. Since thenChilo has been a number of times with me. He says that he has gainedgreat significance among the Christians; that if he has not found Lygiaso far, it is because the Christians in Rome are innumerable, hence allare not acquainted with each person in their community, and cannot knoweverything that is done in it. They are cautious, too, and in generalreticent. He gives assurance, however, that when he reaches the elders,who are called presbyters, he will learn every secret. He has made theacquaintance of a number of these already, and has begun to inquire ofthem, though carefully, so as not to rouse suspicion by haste, and notto make the work still more difficult. Though it is hard to wait, thoughpatience fails, I feel that he is right, and I wait.
"He learned, too, that they have places of meeting for prayer,frequently outside the city, in empty houses and even in sand-pits.There they worship Christ, sing hymns, and have feasts. There are manysuch places. Chilo supposes that Lygia goes purposely to different onesfrom Pomponia, so that the latter, in case of legal proceedings or anexamination, might swear boldly that she knew nothing of Lygia's hidingplace. It may be that the presbyters ha
ve advised caution. When Chilodiscovers those places, I will go with him; and if the gods let me seeLygia, I swear to thee by Jupiter that she will not escape my hands thistime.
"I am thinking continually of those places of prayer. Chilo is unwillingthat I should go with him; he is afraid. But I cannot stay at home. Ishould know her at once, even in disguise or if veiled. They assemble inthe night, but I should recognize her in the night even. I should knowher voice and motions anywhere. I will go myself in disguise, and lookat every person who goes in or out. I am thinking of her always, andshall recognize her. Chilo is to come to-morrow, and we shall go. Iwill take arms. Some of my slaves sent to the provinces have returnedempty-handed. But I am certain now that she is in the city, perhapsnot far away even. I myself have visited many houses under pretext ofrenting them. She will fare better with me a hundred times; where sheis, whole legions of poor people dwell. Besides, I shall spare nothingfor her sake. Thou writest that I have chosen well. I have chosensuffering and sorrow. We shall go first to those houses which are inthe city, then beyond the gates. Hope looks for something every morning,otherwise life would be impossible. Thou sayest that one should know howto love. I knew how to talk of love to Lygia. But now I only yearn; I donothing but wait for Chilo. Life to me is unendurable in my own house.Farewell!"