Author: A. D. Ellis
Category: LGBT
Go to read content：https://onlinereadfreenovel.com/a-d-ellis/page,15,592194-yearn.html
I smirked. “I see the impact didn’t injure your attitude.”
“You going to talk to me or dance around it until help arrives?” He licked his lip and hissed. “Fuck, that stings like a bitch.”
“Probably gonna need stitches,” I said, stalling.
Dre knew what I was doing and shot me another look.
“I’ll answer you, but can I ask something first?”
He narrowed his eyes but nodded.
“You’ve seemed distant…distracted…lately. Things okay?” I didn’t add in that I was feeling all butt-hurt and pouty about it.
Dre sighed. “Yeah, I’m fine. Cooper and Bev said some things that got me thinking and I’ve just kind of been in my head.” He turned and pinned me with a stare, those deep brown eyes intense even in the dim light. “Your turn.”
I took a deep breath. “I’m beginning to think I never really hated you.”
Dre’s brows shot up.
“Don’t get me wrong, I definitely thought I did. Back then, though, it was more annoyance and jealousy I think—on top of my own immaturity. After you kissed me—which, by the way, I was totally into and likely would have done something stupid had your parents not walked around that corner.”
Dre winced. “You mean when I threw you under the bus and basically accused you of assaulting me just to hide my sexuality from my parents?”
I chuckled. Leaving this ridiculous shit buried was easier, but if bringing it up kept Dre talking, I could deal. “Yeah, that.” I took Dre’s pulse and checked his pupils again before continuing. “After that whole debacle, I think it was just easier to let the mess fester into hate rather than work out the feelings. Besides, I was out of Bellville for good and there was no reason to think we’d ever have to see each other again.”
“What feelings did you not want to work through?” Dre asked.
Not answering for a moment, I tried to gather my thoughts. “I think jealousy was the main one in the beginning.” I paused for a moment. “No, I was annoyed with myself for finding you so damn cute at first. I knew I was leaving Bellville one way or another and I had absolutely no time and no business thinking some flashy little band geek was cute.”
Dre snorted softly. “Damn, I really was such a geek back then.”
Smiling, I pulled his hand to my mouth and pressed a kiss against his still-warm skin. “The jealousy started not long after.” Glancing at Dre, I saw his eyes closed. “Nope. No sleeping during story time. Talk to me.”
“You’re not off the hook, ya know?” Dre muttered.
“You’ll get your story, I swear. But tell me what made you hate me.” I figured we had about fifteen more minutes before our team would find us or I’d need to take the next step in getting help. The car was definitely getting colder. Dre’s condition hadn’t deteriorated, but I wanted him monitored at the hospital.
“Jealousy for sure,” Dre said without missing a beat.
I scoffed. “What could you have seen in the poor kid from the wrong side of the tracks that made you jealous?”
“You were this cool, sporty guy. People looked up to you or at least left you alone. There was this air of mysterious bad boy that followed you everywhere—or at least that’s the way I imagined it. You were out which, back then, was a concept I couldn’t even fathom. To be out would have meant I’d admitted to myself I was gay. But you just made it look so easy. You didn’t have parents who wanted you to burn in hell for liking guys.”
I frowned. “At least you had parents who were present and involved.”
It was Dre’s turn to scoff. “If by present and involved you mean oppressive homophobic assholes who used fear to keep me from being the real me, sure.”
We were quiet for a beat.
Dre started again. “My insecurities got the best of me most of the time. I knew there was no way a guy like Khi Harris could like band and theater geek Andre King.”
“Why?”
Dre shook his head as if to clear the haze of the past, hopefully not the haze of a concussion. “The age difference, the fact that you were out and people still liked you, and you were this drop-dead gorgeous basketball star. And then there was me. Mouthy theater and band geek, and so damn far in the closet I lashed out and hurt others just to keep myself hidden, and I definitely hadn’t grown into my looks back then.”
I gripped his chin, taking a brief assessment of his pupils before pressing a kiss against the uninjured part of his mouth. “Your derogatory comments and attitude were definitely a turn-off and part of what fueled my hatred. It made me so mad that you had so much going for you but you couldn’t be true to yourself—I know now that it wasn’t my place to put qualifiers on the how or when you came out. I do know I hated the way you said such shitty things and spread so many rumors.”
Dre’s shoulders drooped. “I don’t know that you could hate that part of me any more than I did and still do.”
“Hey, you’re not that person anymore. Neither of us are.” I brushed my thumb over his swollen lip. “But make no mistake, grown into your looks yet or not, I thought you were damn cute from the moment I first saw you—which probably sparked my anger even more because I was so hell-bent on getting away from that damn town. Anything interrupting my focus was a threat.”
A flash of light bounced around the inside of the car.
Flashlight.
“I think our knights in shining armor are here,” I said with another quick kiss to the corner of his mouth. “We’ll get you to the hospital and all fixed up.”
Dre’s eyes closed and I saw the relief wash over him. When I made to let go of his hand, he gripped me firmly. “I know I’m not dying or anything, but you know I’ve always had a bit of a dramatic flair,” he said and I snorted. “This isn’t one of those If I don’t come out of this alive type things—my professional training tells me I’m going to be fine,” he smirked, exhaustion evident on his face, “but I need you to know something all the same.”
I raised a brow.
“I’m sorry if this puts a wrench in your plans, but I think I’m in love with you.”
A knock at the window startled us both and I pushed away Dre’s words as our station colleagues set to work getting us out of the car. There was no way I could process what he’d just said until I knew he was safe at the hospital.
Once we could open the doors, Dre was loaded onto a stretcher—despite much protest that he was fine and could totally walk up the embankment—and I located both phones wedged tightly into crevices under our seats.
Glancing at the car before I headed up the hill, a wave of emotion flowed through me. His car was fairly mangled, very likely totaled, but the accident could have been so much worse. I could have lost Dre. I swallowed down a lump at that thought.
By the time I made it up to the ambulance, I’d made up my mind. I’d been toying with the idea for a while, but it was evident now. Dre and I had moved way past fuck buddies. Maybe it was his head injury talking when he said he thought he was in love with me, but I wasn’t going to let it go. We had some talking to do and I was ready to take on whatever challenges were thrown our way as long as we were together.
Thirteen
Dre
Being a patient instead of the medical personnel really sucked, however, the pain medication pumping through me was a perk for sure.
Khi had popped his head in to see me in the ER—definitely a benefit of our positions at the station—but Julia had arrived and insisted he get checked out. She assured me that our shifts were covered and my only responsibility was to rest. Khi had managed to snap a picture of us for the challenge before he left, laughing he was going to caption it EMS crew members make the worst patients and throw in a shout out to our team for the rescue.
“We’ve still got a prize to win,” he’d said with a wink as Julia ushered him out the door. I was exhausted from the fiasco—adrenaline drop was so very real—along with battered and bruised, but my heart dared to hope that Khi’s wink meant somethin
g.
I wasn’t thrilled about it, but the ER doctor felt I needed to be kept overnight for observation. Based on their initial assessments, I had a slight concussion and no internal bleeding. I couldn’t argue with his opinion that a slow internal bleed—which very often resulted from automobile accidents—would be easy to miss and an overnight observation would be the best bet. But I didn’t have to like it.
By the time they got me switched to a room, early visiting hours were over and there were a few hours before the next time slots opened. Grateful my phone had escaped unscathed, despite getting wedged under my seat during the impact, I pulled it up and checked my messages. I texted with Bev and Rai, giving them details I knew Khi would also be sharing. Then I dropped my phone and rested my eyes, knowing the nurses would be checking on me enough that true sleep would be hard to come by.
I awoke later, not sure how long I’d dozed, to the sound of Khi’s voice.
“I don’t know if you’re awake or if you can hear me, but I need you to know just how damn scared I was to lose you. Seeing you hurt put everything in a new perspective for me.” Khi’s gruff words were barely audible over the beeping of the monitors.
I cracked an eye. “It’s not like I’m in a damn coma,” I joked, not really having the energy to give a full smile. Plus, my cheek and lip had both been stitched up and were definitely still painful.
Khi’s eyes met mine and he gave such a relieved sigh, I felt it to my core. “Technically, I knew that, but I’m still shaken up over seeing you hurt and worrying something was going to take a turn for the worse.”
“You easily could have asked the nurses for a report,” I said.
He glanced toward the door and winced. “I might have kinda snuck in so asking for a report on you wouldn’t have been the best move.”
“You snuck in? What a rebel.”
“A rebel for you, baby,” Khi teased.
I laughed, but that hurt and I ended up groaning. “Oh shit, no laughing right now. Still feel like I’ve been hit by a Mack truck.”
Khi moved quickly to quietly pull the curtain so the cracked door was blocked before he moved his chair closer and took my hand. “I’m only about thirty minutes early for visiting hours. I’ll ask for forgiveness if I get caught.”
I scanned the whiteboard. “If you’re lucky, Anthony will be the one to come check on me. He’s super cute and would probably melt from just your smile.”
Khi grimaced as he also read the board. “My luck, it will be Mary. She’s a real stickler on the rules.”
We didn’t know all of the personnel at the hospital, but several of the nurses worked ER rotations enough that we knew many of them.
“So, I guess you won’t have to get a new partner. It looks like I’ll be good as new in no time.” I rubbed at the IV, already itching to get out of the bed and back to the comfort of my own home.
“Don’t even joke about that,” Khi said with a scowl.
I shrugged. “It’s not like we’ll be partners for the rest of our lives.” Not sure why I was being surly, I shifted in the bed and tried to get comfortable.
Khi pinned me with a hard gaze. “Maybe not at the station—I know you’ve got big things going to happen one of these days.”
My stomach flip-flopped. “What do you mean?” I was wondering if he’d bring up what I said in the car. Or at least, I thought I’d said it. Maybe I’d been too out of it and was imagining things.
Khi chewed the corner of his lip. “In the car, before the crew showed up, you said something.”
“Yeah?” My heart was beating so hard I worried the monitors would go off.
“I just have one question.”
I raised a brow.
“You think or you know?”
A shuddering breath escaped me and I swallowed thickly. “I know. I’m in love with you. And I’m sorry if that messes with our fuck buddies plan, but it happened and there was no way to stop it.”
Khi, not letting go of my hand, stood and brushed a soft kiss over my lips. “Stop. I’m in love with you, too. Definitely didn’t plan it, but it steamrolled me.”
It was probably the drama of the day or the pain medication, but my eyes stung with unshed tears. “I still can’t believe how dumb we were way back then. Did we fuck shit up and cause us to miss out on some great years?”
Khi kissed me again and smiled as he settled back into his chair. “We really were dumb. But I think we can blame it on immaturity and undeveloped teen brains. Honestly, though, I don’t think us getting together as teens would have been for the best. I truly think we needed that time apart and those life experiences to bring us to where we are. I think we’re both a lot smarter now. Personally, looking back, I can see that being jealous of your parents was ridiculous because they were absolute assholes. But at the time, I was so caught up in proving myself, I thought everyone had more than me in every aspect.”
I nodded. “We were both pretty caught up in ourselves, huh?”
Khi caressed my hand. “I’m not sure there was much else we could’ve been in our situations.”
“What did you feel you had to prove?” I asked.
“I was the gay mixed kid from the trailer park. Never white enough, never Black enough, always way too gay for the straight crowd, and way too straight for the gay crowd—if one can even say Bellville had a gay crowd. Smart, but not smart enough. Talented on the court, but not superstar material.” Khi leaned forward on his elbows and held my hand in both of his. “I’ve never tried to hide the fact I’m Black. Honestly, my mom leaving Gabby and me the way she did made me want nothing to do with being white. But embracing my Blackness put me in a position to wonder if I would turn out like my worthless father. Being Black and gay is a double whammy and I wasn’t prepared to handle it back then. Sometimes I still deal with the intersection of being Black and gay. I lucked out that my father wasn’t anywhere close to religious because I know that’s an even deeper hole to dig out of.”
I scoffed. “Yeah, definitely.” A feeling of connectedness—not from being friends, partners, or fuck buddies, but a real kinship—washed over me with Khi’s words. “The bias faced by Black gay men is a lot to deal with. Not saying we’re the only ones coping with marginalization and condemnation—I know trans people, especially Black trans women, face dangerous bias even more so. But growing up Black, in a religious home, and finally coming to terms that I’m gay was a lot. I’d never wish a drunk asshole father on anyone, but just the same, I’d never wish Bible-thumping homophobic parents on anyone either.”
Khi pressed his lips to my fingers. “I hear that.”
“It does get easier, but there are so many times that I wonder which the homophobic racists think is worse? Being a Black gay man or being a gay Black man.”
Khi snorted. “Yep, double whammy.” He frowned.
“What?”
He shook his head. “Just thinking, if we’d been in the position to have this conversation way back then, my undeveloped brain would have insisted at least you don’t have to also deal with not being white enough, and I realize now that it’s not a competition. We all have our own obstacles and challenges, personal demons we have to deal with. Doesn’t make anyone’s journey less just because it’s different.”
I closed my eyes and sighed. “That’s a good way to look at it.”
The door swung open and I felt Khi’s hands grip mine.
“Visiting hours don’t start for five minutes,” Mary said, her hawk-eyed glare pinned on Khi.
I cracked an eye and watched Khi plaster on a beaming smiled. “My bad, my watch must be fast.”
Mary grunted and eyed Khi with a scowl. “I didn’t see you stop by the nurses station.”
“Must be my ninja-like quickness.” Khi winked.
Oh God, his powers of flirtation weren’t going to work on Mary. She was old-school, hard-ass, and deeply devoted to her wife of twenty years.
She narrowed her eyes and I saw her preparing to lay into him.
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br /> Luckily, a hand pushed the curtain aside and Anthony, the gorgeous LPN, appeared. “Hey, Mary. Room 228 needs your help with a catheter. I can do vitals in here.”
Mary pointed a finger Khi’s way. “Don’t break rules again.”
Khi just nodded with a faint smile and pressed the back of my hand against his lips.
When Mary was gone, Khi gave Anthony a wink. “Thank you for the save, man.”
Anthony laughed. “I saw you sneak in. Figured I could save you from Mary’s wrath. You lucked out on the catheter situation.”
I winced. “Sorry for the person on the other end.”
Anthony made quick work of checking vitals. “Sorry we’re interrupting your visiting hours. We got behind earlier and can’t seem to get caught up. Push your button if you need anything, but we’ll probably be able to leave you alone for a while. Your chart indicates, as long as everything goes well overnight, that you’re scheduled for discharge as soon as a doctor checks you over tomorrow morning.” Anthony gave a stunning smile. “Try not to get too comfortable, you’re getting the boot soon.”
I snorted. “I’ll do my best. The bed is just so cozy.”
Anthony eyed Khi’s hands wrapped around mine. “I’m guessing you’ve got something a lot cozier to go home to.”
My cheeks heated and Khi grinned.
“He does,” Khi said somewhat possessively.
Anthony smirked. “Last time I was in the ER, you two had just been thrown together and looked as if you were about to murder each other. I take it things changed?”
“I swear, this staff is so interested in the lives of EMS. I think you all watch us like your own little soap opera when we all know you’ve got enough drama happening here to fuel three different soaps for at least five seasons.” I motioned toward the little cup of water and Khi handed it to me. “Yeah, being thrown together forced us to reexamine what we once thought was hate.”
Anthony’s brows shot up. “Oh, my Lord, do we have our own little enemies to lovers situation right here in room 223? One of my favorite tropes,” he teased.