Author: L A Cotton
Category: Contemporary
Go to read content：https://onlinereadfreenovel.com/l-a-cotton/page,4,592781-tragic_lies_a_forbidden_age-gap_romance_rixon_high.html
She flinched at my tone, and I let out a heavy sigh as I raked a hand down my face. “Shit, I didn’t mean… it’s late. Does Jase know you’re out here?”
“What do you think?” Her lips thinned as her eyes darted to the ground beneath her feet.
“So, you snuck out?”
“I couldn’t sleep.” She peeked back at me.
“It’s at least a fifteen-minute walk to their house. Anything could have happened to you.”
I knew Jase, and I knew if he found out about this, he’d probably put a lock on her windows. She was his responsibility now, his ward. Because she’s still a kid, a little voice warned me as I ran my eyes over her again.
Peyton didn’t look like a kid though. All long legs and shapely curves as she stood there bathed in moonlight. She had these big blue doe eyes, full of pain. It was that haunted look on her face that hit something deep inside me.
I knew that look.
I’d lived with it every day since I was a four-year-old kid learning about things—seeing things—no kids that young ever should.
“I’ll walk you home,” I said, starting to clamber to my feet.
“Wait,” she blurted out. “Just give me a few minutes. I feel like… I feel like I can’t breathe in that house.”
My brows knitted together as she slowly approached me, dropping her baby blues to the patch of grass beside me. A silent request.
Before I could stop myself, I nodded, and she sat down, kicking her long legs out in front of her. “I didn’t know you’d be down here,” she whispered.
“I come here sometimes.”
“Is that how you… saw me?” The words caught in her throat.
“Yeah.”
“Lucky me.” Strained laughter spilled from her lips, and I peeked over at her and our eyes collided. Something passed between us, something that shot through me like electric shock.
What the fuck?
My eyes narrowed and the sound died as she swallowed hard.
“Listen, Xander, I—”
“Don’t,” I hissed.
I didn’t want to do this.
Not now.
Not ever.
But Peyton had other ideas, as she said, “I just want to thank you.” Her quiet voice shook. “Is that such a crime?”
“I know what you were doing, Peyton,” I said slowly, calmly, making sure she absorbed every syllable.
“I-I don’t know what you mean,” the blood drained from her face. “It was an accident. I fell.”
My brow lifted, heavy with accusation. “We both know you didn’t fall.”
I’d watched her wade into the water. Watched as she lost her footing and disappeared under and didn’t so much as fight to break the surface.
“And now you’re down here again… you’ve got to realize how that looks.” My lips thinned with disapproval. “You should let me walk you home.”
She inhaled a sharp breath. “You think I… it’s not like that, I just… I needed some fresh air, I swear. I’m not—” Peyton’s eyes fluttered close as her hand drifted to her throat. When they opened again, she looked at me with such aching I felt it right to the pit of my stomach. “Please… you can’t tell anyone. They wouldn’t… no one would understand. I wasn’t trying to… do it. I just…”
“Relax,” I said. “I’m not going to tell anyone.” I don’t know why but there was something in her expression that made me believe her.
“You’re not?” Relief washed over her, and the faintest of smiles traced her lips.
“No. I’ve been there, kid. I wish I could tell you it gets easier. That the pain, the grief, subsides over time…” I trailed off, staring back out at the river. At nothing.
“But it doesn’t?” Peyton let out a thin, pained breath.
“It dims,” I added, “but it’s always there.”
“Do you come here a lot?” she asked.
“I like the view.” Dropping back on my elbows, I stared up at the sky again.
It was a bad idea, being out here with her. But something inside me, the part blotted out with my own grief and pain, wanted to throw her a lifeline. Besides, my brother had suggested I talk to her.
Fuck only knew she looked like she could use it.
“You’re right.” Peyton sank back into the grass and let out a soft sigh. “It is beautiful.”
Silence fell over us, neither of us rushing to fill the void. Peyton seemed lost in her own thoughts, and I was all too happy to drown in mine.
“I knew,” she finally spoke, her voice like a whisper on the cool breeze. “The second I got home and called out for her; I knew something wasn’t right.”
Shit.
She was going there.
“Listen, I’m not sure—”
But Peyton didn’t hear me. Or if she did, she didn’t care as she went on. “I searched the house for her and when I saw her, lying there in a pool of blood, it was like something fractured inside of me.”
“Fuck,” I hissed, hardly able to imagine what that must have been like.
I’d been through a lot—seen a lot. I’d watched as my mom lost her battle to the tumor growing in her brain. But it wasn’t the same.
“She was just laying there, dead. Her eyes still open, staring up at me.”
I felt her shudder beside me, and the strangest sensation hit me.
I wanted to comfort her. I wanted to take away her pain.
But I didn’t. Even though she was so close it would have been easy. Too close, like she assumed that night had connected us in some way.
“I always thought it would be easier,” Peyton said, heaving a ragged breath. “I thought it would be better to have a life without her rather than putting up with her bullshit. I said that to Lily. I said—”
“Don’t,” I said gruffly. “Don’t try and pin this on yourself.”
“But I said it. For a second, I thought my life would be easier if she overdosed… What kind of person does that make me?”
“We all think shit. Doesn’t mean that deep down we want it to come true.” I glanced over at her and her big blue eyes met mine, brimming with tears.
It twisted something inside me.
It shouldn’t have, but it did. And it was there… between us. A huge ravine, her on one side and me on the other, and that night filling the void.
This was dangerous territory.
Territory, I had no right crossing.
“We should go,” I said coolly, needing to put an end to this. She was hurting… hurting bad, and I wasn’t the right person to comfort her.
“G-go? But I thought—”
“It’s late. Too late for you to be out here alone.”
“But I’m not alone.” Her eyes softened.
Softened at me.
Fuck.
She had that starry-eyed look again. Dreaming of white knights and heroes come to save the day.
But I wasn’t either of those things.
Especially not for her.
Suddenly feeling uncomfortable, and way out of my depth, I clambered to my feet and said, “Come on. I’ll walk you home.” Because Jase would kick my ass six ways to Sunday if he knew I’d ever let her walk back alone in the middle of the night.
“And if I don’t want to go?” Peyton lifted her chin in defiance, fire flickering in her gaze.
“Don’t make me call Jase.”
Hurt flashed there. “You wouldn’t.”
“Try me.” My hand slipped to my jean pocket where my cell was buried.
“Fine.” She leaped up and stormed off, back up the embankment to the sidewalk.
Rolling my eyes, I jammed my hands into my pockets and took off after her. But Peyton stayed one step ahead of me, so I gave her space, trailing behind like a babysitter. Because I was the adult here and she was acting like a spoiled brat.
Except, she wasn’t.
Something akin to guilt slithered through me. She’d wanted space. Fresh air to breathe. I got that, probably better than most people. But it d
idn’t change the fact that she was down by the river—the same river she’d almost drowned in over a week ago—in the middle of the goddamn night.
Rixon was a small town, full of community spirit and low crime rates. But it didn’t mean she was safe out here. Bad things still lurked in the shadowy corners of town. I knew; I’d wandered across them enough. Drug dealers concealed in graffiti-stained alleys, seedy bars on the edge of town, the occasional dolled-up woman down by the trailer park looking to make a quick buck or two.
Rixon was like every other town in the country. You just had to look a little harder to see past the quintessential small-town veneer to find the cracks.
Peyton didn’t let up as we followed the river toward Jase’s neighborhood. Anger and disappointment swirled off her like a storm.
“Wait,” I called, as she took off around the side of the house.
“What?” She slowed, glancing back at me.
“Don’t sneak out again,” I said.
“Or what? You’ll rat me out to Jason?”
I nodded sharply, and her eyes widened.
“Asshole,” she breathed, but then her expression dropped, giving way to a young girl barely holding on. “You know. I just thought…” Peyton inhaled a sharp breath, and I saw her shudder even from my position on the sidewalk. She was at war with herself. With what she wanted to say and what she knew she shouldn’t.
“Forget it. It doesn’t matter.” Disappointment flashed in her eyes. “See you around, Coach Chase,” she seethed before slipping into the gated yard.
She was gone.
Just like that.
I ran a hand over my jaw as I shucked further into my jacket and took off in the opposite direction toward my apartment building. I should never have let her sit down with me. I should have nipped it in the bud before it became something else. Some kind of weird hero worship.
I’d saved her. But it wasn’t a debt I wanted her to repay.
In fact, I wanted everyone to forget. I wanted to go back to being regular old Xander Chase, living in the shadows.
Not that there was much chance of that now I worked with Jase and the team. No, I was in the spotlight whether I wanted it or not.
My brother’s voice flitted through my mind. It’s time to do something with your life, Xander. She’d want more for you than this. They both would. His words from our last big argument. I’d gone to him for yet another handout, after being let go by the foreman on the construction site where I’d been working. My weekly tab at Bell’s burned through my severance pay and when rent day rolled around, I didn’t have enough to cover it.
It had been the straw that broke the camel’s back.
Cameron had stood there, disappointment gleaming in his eyes as he berated me like a child. Like I was an eighteen-year-old hothead again and he was a thirty-four-year-old man trying to do the right thing.
I loved my brother, always had, always would, but somewhere over the years, things between us had become fraught. He couldn’t understand why I was so intent on wasting my life and I couldn’t stand to be held to his measure.
He’d given me the money, of course he had. But it came with an ultimatum—handle my shit or consider myself cut off from big brother’s bank account.
He’d threatened it before. But something about this time was different.
Feeling the bitter sting of shame snap at my heels, I pulled out my smokes and placed one between my lips, lighting it up. The tobacco filled my lungs, but I welcomed the burn. I didn’t look back as I crossed the street and melted into the shadows of the sidewalk that would lead me downtown to my apartment.
Hopefully, Peyton would heed my warning and rethink any future plans to sneak out. But something told me she wouldn’t. Because I’d been her once. A wounded animal trying to protect itself. It was the only reason I didn’t plan on telling Jase.
At least, that’s what I kept telling myself.
The next day at school, when I glanced over at Peyton across the parking lot, she didn’t look twice at me.
It shouldn’t have stung nearly half as much as it did.
In hindsight, maybe I’d been too hard on her. She was clearly hurting, lost and afraid. But she wasn’t my problem. Jase and Fee were keeping a close eye on her, Mya too. Peyton had plenty of people around her to lift her spirits.
Including Bryan Hughes, one of Rixon Raiders’ defensive tackles. He bounded over to her and slung his arm around her shoulder, drawing Peyton into his side. She beamed up at him, but it didn’t reach her eyes. Did he notice? Did he see the way she recoiled slightly at his touch?
I noticed.
I shouldn’t have fucking noticed.
If Bryan did, he didn’t let on, as he and their small group laughed and chatted about whatever high school seniors talked about these days.
Fuck, senior year felt like a lifetime ago. For a moment, I’d had it all. The world at my feet.
Until I hadn’t.
Shaking the miserable thoughts out of my head, I made my way toward the building.
“Morning, Coach,” Kaiden called over and I found myself looking over at them again.
Peyton’s gaze immediately darted to the ground, and I felt like a complete asshole. I didn’t want to play therapist, but I didn’t want her to think—
Oh, who the fuck was I kidding? That’s exactly what I wanted her to think. She was a teenager. A messed up, emotionally unstable teenager. The last thing she needed was some misplaced crush on the guy who had saved her.
A guy who was just as messed up and emotionally unstable as she was.
“Shouldn’t you all be heading for class?” I said as I reached them.
“Nah, we have time,” Bryan grinned, tucking her further into his side.
Peyton caught my eye but quickly looked away. My brows furrowed, a strange tugging sensation spreading in my chest. It wasn’t guilt. I had nothing to feel guilty about.
You were a bit of an asshole to her last night. I shut down the little voice. She was a senior. She needed to turn to her friends, kids her own age. She didn’t need me offering her reassurance or some sage words of advice.
But as I walked away from them, I felt her eyes on me. I felt them burning into my back begging me for something.
Something I didn’t ever want to acknowledge.
Chapter Five
Peyton
I couldn’t breathe.
All day, as I went from class to class, the heavy weight on my chest grew and grew until I was suffocating under its oppressive presence.
“Peyton?” Lily whispered, and I blinked over at her. “Are you okay?”
“I’m… fine.” I let out a thin breath, forcing myself to smile. “I’m fine.”
She studied me, her eyes crinkling with suspicion. “You’ve been quiet.”
“It’s just hard, ya know?”
“I know.” She smiled warmly, squeezing my hand. “You did good today.”
I wasn’t so sure about that.
I’d thought yesterday would be the hardest. But today, today was something else entirely. It wasn’t the stares or even the whispers… it was the memories. The image of her laying there, wrists cut open, blood pooled around her like a dark ruby river. My head and heart couldn’t reconcile that. The sheer desperation someone had to feel to do that. I’d never once, not in my almost eighteen years, no matter how bad life got, thought about physically hurting myself. But now I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
About what it felt like as she ran the razor blade over her skin. Did she cry? Did her hands shake and body tremble as the cold steel met her soft flesh?
Bile washed in my stomach and I inhaled a shuddering breath.
“Peyton?”
I brushed Lily off as we headed toward the football field. She wanted to watch Kaiden practice. She always wanted to watch him. Not that I blamed her. Kaiden was one of the good ones. The kind of guy who would cherish her heart and keep it safe. The kind of guy I’d always imagined meeting when I w
as a young girl, lost and afraid of the world.
But life had hardened me, built layers of stone around my heart. I enjoyed flirting with guys, being the center of their world for a fleeting moment. I liked kissing and the feel of skin on skin. I liked the distraction.
But I didn’t like feeling vulnerable.
“Oh my God,” Lily nudged my arm as we sat down in the bleachers. “He’s got it so bad.” I followed her line of sight and found Bryan waving in our direction. “You know, he’s worried about you.” She laced her arm through mine.
“I know.” But it didn’t change anything.
“You’re definitely coming to the game Friday?” She changed the subject. “If you want to stay home, I can—”
“No, Lily, no way. You need to be there for your dad, for Kaiden. I’ll come.”
It was in Pittsburgh, so we’d be staying overnight.
Lily burrowed into my side and let out a weary sigh. “I wish I could make it all better for you, Pey.”
“It’s okay… I’ll be okay.” The lie soured on my tongue. I wasn’t sure I’d ever be okay again. I’d always thought it would be easier if my mom was dead. She never loved me, never doted on me the way Felicity doted on Lily and her sister. All she’d ever done was take and take, uncaring how her actions and barbed words affected those around her… affected me. But she took her own life knowing I would find her, and I couldn’t move past that.
Couldn’t get over the fact she despised me enough to do that.
I’d always known she hated me.
I just hadn’t realized she hated me that much.
“I’ll be back.” Lily squeezed my arm as she dashed toward Kaiden. He dropped his bag and caught her, hoisting her to him.
A faint smile traced my lips. A few weeks ago, she would never have been so brave.
“Hey,” Bryan and Gav approached me.
“How’s my favorite girl?” Bryan hooked his arm around my waist and pulled me close.
Strained laughter spilled from my lips as I rolled my eyes. “I thought we agreed, less touching?”
“We did?” His brow arched knowingly, a playful smile tugging at his mouth. “Huh, I don’t recall—”
I elbowed him in the ribs, and he yelped, clutching his chest. “You wound me, Myers.”