Author: Andrew Q. Gordon
Category: LGBT
Go to read content：https://onlinereadfreenovel.com/andrew-q-gordon/page,18,481374-when_heroes_fall.html
“That is good—that you haven’t eaten, I mean. I’m going to eat with my family. My mother is cooking, and she will be honored that you are joining us.” Esward motioned back the way he came. “Shall we?”
Farrell hadn’t meant to suggest he wanted to eat with the Bendari, but once Esward invited him he had to accept. “Your mother is…? Sorry, I didn’t know your family came. I should have realized they’d be among the kars.”
“That would be incorrect. My family has no rank in the clan other than my father is the son of the Shaman.”
Farrell arched an eyebrow. “And their son is the heir.”
“Until She Who Guides gives me the torque, it is not a given I will succeed my grandfather. My father is an advisor to the kar. Though he is not a shaman, he is wise and his counsel is often requested.”
“It must be nice to see them.”
“It is. I miss them and my brother; all my brothers and sisters in White Panthers.” Esward’s smile broadened. “And her cooking.”
Farrell wondered how much difference a cook made given what they had to work with. Before he could respond, Esward laughed.
“Fear not, I’ve told her you do not enjoy fish stew. She promised to make something special for the occasion. I think… hope… you will like what she is making.”
“I’m sure I will.” Anything would be an improvement over what he’d eaten so far.
They chatted about nothing more serious than the weather and Russen’s hero-worship. After several minutes, Esward changed topics.
“White Panther is among the oldest clans. We… they were one of the original six clans of Bendar.”
“Do you miss being in one clan?” Farrell asked.
Esward chuckled. “That is a hard question to answer. No and yes. Belonging to all is an uplifting and wonderful thing, but it comes with a price.”
“Can you explain?” Farrell spoke before he could process Esward might have been vague on purpose. “Sorry, I’m sure that’s personal.”
“No, it isn’t.” He stared ahead but didn’t seem focused on anything. “A Bendari is born into his clan and his clan is born into them. We are a big family. That notion is often spoken of among others, but for us, it is a way of life. We depend on each other to survive. The old men and women raise the young. The older children help take care of the needs of those too old to work. Everyone strives to better the life of the White Panthers. Even the kars are not exempt from daily work. Losing that leaves a hole in my being.
“My new status as one with all the clans expands my family, but the Shaman and I travel all over. We know all the clans, but they are not born into us. It is an honor to serve all Bendari, but it doesn’t fill the chasm leaving White Panthers created. Grandfather says it gets easier with time, but I could tell he was trying to comfort me. He has never found a substitute.”
“Mother Jolella, the high priestess of Seritia at Agloth, said something similar. She, however, has the Blessed Mother to comfort her.”
Neither spoke again as they finished their walk. In a clearing surrounded by many yurts, several people worked around the cooking fire. Others scurried about setting up a long table. The dazzling sunlight gave it a dreamlike quality. Farrell snapped out of his musing when a woman approached them.
“Esward, I worried we’d have to eat without you.” She extended her arms and they hugged.
“I would never miss the chance to see you, Mother.”
“Mhmm.” She patted his cheek and turned toward Farrell. “Welcome, young one. White Panthers is pleased to host you.”
She reached for him, and Farrell went with the moment and gave her a hug.
“Mother, you shouldn’t treat him like that.”
“Like what? A person?” She glanced up and down Farrell’s frame, making him blush. “Does he not need to put on his pants one leg at a time?”
Farrell smiled and decided he already like Esward’s mother. “Actually I have a spell for that. Why waste a few seconds when I can use half a day’s energy doing it the easy way?”
She chuckled and crooked a finger at him. “I’ll wager you tortured you elders as a kid, didn’t you?”
“Mother!” Esward moved closer but Farrell waved him off.
“It’s fine.” He enjoyed the treatment. “I’d have to lie if I said I didn’t. I’m Farrell.”
“I’m going to have to have chat with my father-in-law about your manners, Esward.” She shot him a frown. “Malida, a pleasure to meet you, Farrell.”
Farrell bowed. “He’s actually been a gracious host since he’s been stuck with me. He’s probably worried I’ll embarrass him with my poor manners.”
She hooked her arm under his and led him toward a group of others. “I know he’s a good child. I just don’t want his head to get too large to fit in the yurt.”
“You sound like my mentors. Are you sure you’re not Sanduval’s daughter stashed away in the Endless Snows?”
“If I am, it will be news to my mother.” While Farrell snickered, she brought them to the others. “First Kar, this is Farrell.”
“Favored One,” the man said with a bow. “It is good of you to visit.”
“He didn’t come on his own, Horvret. Esward promised him I’d cook.”
“Then he is as wise as they say.” Kar Horvret winked at Farrell. “All Bendari know of your skills.”
“Hmph.” She pointed over the kar’s left shoulder. “That is Khrothen, the kar’s son and my son-in-law.”
The younger man stepped forward and bowed. “An honor, Favored One. I’ve heard you saved many of our people in the few days you’ve been here.”
“I did what I could to help.” He shrugged. Malida studied him for a moment. Her scrutiny made him uncomfortable, but he resisted pulling away. “Did I say something wrong?”
She squeezed his arm. “No, you did something right.”
“Outsiders seem to think they need to impress us with their stories,” a man said as he stepped forward. “A Bendari lets their actions talk for themselves. I am Versis, Esward’s father.”
He surprised Farrell by holding out his arm. Farrell accepted and met the man’s gaze. “An honor to meet you.”
Versis held on until Malida clapped her hands. “Now that our guest is here, let’s eat. Esward said you don’t like Bendari stew. It’s the fishy taste, isn’t it?”
“Yes.” He nodded, feeling embarrassed everyone heard him insult Bendari cooking.
She wrinkled her nose. “That does it for me too. I’ve made it my cause to find other things to make.”
“This morning we’re having fish cakes,” Khrothen said with more enthusiasm than Farrell thought possible when someone used fish and cake in the same phrase.
They skirted the main cooking area and walked between two tents. Behind the large pavilion, a second, smaller area had been set up. A young man held a large pan over the fire and smiled toward the group.
“You let Esmont cook for the… for Farrell?”
“You’ve been gone a while, big brother. Mother has been teaching me her secrets.”
“I need to pass them on to someone for when I’m gone.” She tousled Esmont’s hair and picked up the plate of small, browned cakes. “Your brother is an excellent cook.”
“He is at that.” Khrothen stepped behind Esmont and kissed the back of his neck. “I think I’ve gained a few pounds since we were joined.”
Esmont put the pan down and patted his partner’s midsection. “Not that I’ve noticed.”
Malida swatted her son-in-law back. “Stop distracting the cook. We’ve guests today. You two newlyjoineds save that talk for your bedrolls.”
Farrell snorted. The two didn’t seem embarrassed in the least. Then again, he didn’t care who saw him tell Miceral how he felt. “How long have you been joined?”
“Since the Summer Festival,” Esmont said, sneaking a glance at his partner, who retreated.
“Congratulations.”
“Enough talk,” Malida sa
id. “Here, give me a pan. Your grandfather and the Ancient One will be here soon. Let’s finish cooking or we’ll be here while everyone else eats.”
Esward led them to a round table where Horvret and Versis sat talking. They stopped when the pair joined them. Before Farrell could say anything, Kel and Basje arrived.
The Shaman greeted his family warmly and made his way to the table. Kel seemed in good spirits and sat next to Farrell.
“I didn’t hear you leave,” he said.
“After just a few weeks with the children, I’ve learned to move quietly.”
“You have children?” Khrothen asked.
“Two.” Farrell smiled thinking about them. “But they are older than everyone at this table except Kel.”
“That’s….” Khrothen looked to his father and Versis, but they shook their heads. “How is that possible?”
Farrell glanced at Kel, but he held up a hand. “You raised the issue, you explain.”
Farrell told them how he and Miceral had become parents to Geena and Bren. As he spoke, Malida and Esmont ferried heaping platters of food to the table. The aroma made his stomach rumble, and he finished his story so they could eat.
Malida placed two of the round patties on his plate. They smelled amazing, not fishy in the least. When she’d served everyone, he took a tentative bite and noticed everyone staring at him.
“They’re wonderful.” He waited just long enough for the others to start before returning to his food.
“I’m not sure you have enough,” Kel said. “If my grandson likes something he can empty the palace food supply in one sitting.”
Esmont stopped eating and eyed the food on the table. Farrell shot Kel a dirty look. “He’s joking. I’d only clean out half the kitchen pantry in one sitting.”
The joke calmed Esmont some, but he kept glancing at the fire. “Maybe I should go make some more.”
“Maybe you should eat while the food is warm and if we need to we can make more later.” Malida’s maybe meant that was how it would be.
After that everyone settled back and ate. Mindful of the others, Farrell tried not to eat too much. When Esmont appeared with another platter, he happily accepted more. When he felt ready to bust, he pushed his plate back and took a sip of water.
“That was amazing.” He shifted his gaze between mother and son. “Thank you. It was even better than Esward promised.”
The others voiced their agreement. Farrell noticed Tojas and her children had arrived during the meal. They sat behind the Shaman and didn’t appear interested in the conversation. Rojas perked up as if he sensed Farrell’s attention. He stretched and walked over and sat next to Farrell.
“Hello, Favored One.”
Farrell reached down and rubbed the top of his head. “Hello, Rojas.”
He expected more, but the panther relaxed and let Farrell continue to rub his fur.
“Where will you go next?” Esward directed his question to Farrell.
“I… I’m not sure.” He looked to his grandfather. “I believe I have Arritisa’s answer, so we can go there next.”
“No,” Basje said. His tone was calm but firm.
“I agree,” Kel said. “Your training isn’t complete. We also need to make contact with other allies.”
“Are you going to tell me where we’re going?”
“No.” Kel raised an eyebrow. “Why break with old habits?”
“Yes, why do that?” Farrell muttered.
“Though we are all friends, it is sometimes best not to tell friends everything.” Basje looked at Esward from the corner of his eye. “Where you go next is of no importance to us, but to the Deceiver? He would be very interested.”
Kel nodded to the Shaman. “Correct. And before anyone says no one would tell Meglar anything, I agree. None would tell him anything willingly.”
“I’m sorry I ruined the good mood with my question,” Esward said.
“When we set out, I didn’t know where we were going and I went without question. Nothing has changed.” Farrell speared another patty. “Nothing except I realized I like fish cakes.”
“When you leave, I will go with you,” Rojas said.
It took a moment for the words to register, but when they did, Farrell looked at Kel. His grandfather shook his head and shrugged.
“You’re… you want to come with us when we leave?” Farrell asked.
Rojas yawned and shifted his weight. “Not want to, will.”
“I’m…. That’s not possible,” Farrell said.
“Then you must find a way to make it so,” Tojas said. “It is my son’s purpose to accompany you when you leave.”
“You don’t understand. There are places Kel and I are going that I can’t take Rojas with us. I don’t know how to let him breathe underwater.”
“Nerti isn’t going with you to Rastoria,” Tojas said. “He can stay with her and Flemin when you need to visit Arritisa’s realm.”
Farrell stood, the mood well and truly ruined. “No!”
“You do not get to decide.”
“Yes, I do!” He slammed his palms on the table, and it collapsed under his blow. He flicked his hand and things returned to how they were the moment before. “It’s you who doesn’t get to decide.”
He glared at the shocked expressions around the table and threw his arm in the air and stomped off. There were calls for him to come back, but he ignored them. Sensing someone approach, he took to the air and flew away before anyone could reach him. So much for a pleasant breakfast.
Chapter 12
THE COLD water did nothing to cool the fire of Farrell’s anger. He knew it was petty to hide in the ocean, but no one could reach him. It had required he go several hundred feet below the surface, but even Nerti couldn’t speak to him.
Why did everyone think they could tell him what he was going to do? Did they think he answered to them because they’d anointed him a Bendari?
Perhaps it was his fault. Maybe he shouldn’t have forgiven She Who Guides and the Shaman so quickly. Clearly they thought they could dictate things to him. It didn’t matter what they thought; he didn’t and wouldn’t answer to them.
What Kel thought, however, was important. Flying off meant they wouldn’t leave for another day. Kel would be angry and Farrell could expect a lecture about how precious little time they had left. Too bad for that too. Kel insisted on keeping everything a secret. Had he divulged their next destination, Farrell could have met him there and left Rojas in Bendar.
He spied a pod of gray whales swimming. They either didn’t notice him or didn’t care, but they were close enough to disrupt the water around him. Not that they cared about something as small as Farrell. Instead they sang and swam and ignored him.
When they’d passed, most of his irritation had drained away. Without anger to cloud his thoughts, Farrell considered the source of his annoyance. Was it that Rojas didn’t belong on the trip? Or did Farrell object to being told who would be accompanying them? After considerable thought, he decided it was the latter.
Tojas assumed she could tell him what to do. His anger had been a reaction to her attempt to control him. He was the Champion of the Six. Others could offer their advice, but the final decision had to be his. The more he used that as a starting point, the more he felt justified.
Certain he’d acted properly, he prepared to head back. A small surge disrupted the water around him. He looked over and saw a pair of whales swimming together. Two friends—two big friends—keeping each other company. He watched them swim away until they were too small to see and then he flew toward the surface. It was time to face the others.
“YOU DON’T object to Rojas coming?” Kel looked at Basje and Esward. “Yet you buried yourself in the ocean for hours.”
Tojas and her children watched from a distance, standing with Nerti and Flemin. The five seemed interested in the conversation but didn’t get involved.
“I did, so I could think.”
Kel shook his head.
“So all it takes is dunking your head in icy water to get you to grow up?”
“You know that doesn’t typically help.” Farrell waited until he got the expected sour look from his grandfather. “I had a burst of divine understanding.”
“By the Six, is that what you are going to call it?” Kel still sounded annoyed, but he’d lowered the volume as he spoke.
Farrell shrugged. “A Bendari doesn’t fight alone.”
Tojas’s ears twitched, Basje smiled at him, and Nerti nodded. Only his grandfather looked more annoyed than before he’d spoken.
“That is what made you change your mind?” Kel folded his arms across his chest. “A traditional Bendari saying?”
“No, it was the whales.”
“The whales?” Kel cast an incredulous look at the others. “Whales?”
“I saw a pod of whales swim past me. Just as I was about to leave, two more swam by following after the rest. As they moved away I realized that even the most powerful creatures need help. Like the Bendari, the whales swam together for companionship and safety.”
Kel opened his mouth to speak, closed it, and cocked his head to the right. “You continue to surprise me, Grandson. I believe the priests are wrong; Falcron’s Gift does give the holder greater wisdom.”
“Or it brings out his inherent wisdom,” Basje said.
Kel rolled his eyes. “Don’t make his head any bigger or he’ll break Nerti’s back.”
“Or I just got lucky,” Farrell said to cover his embarrassment. “But—” He held up his hand until everyone looked at him.
“Still always a but, eh, Grandson?” Kel’s mood had improved greatly.
He smirked and nodded. “This time I believe you will agree with me. Rojas is welcome to come with us, but he’ll need to be able to keep up with us. If he can’t, he goes home.”
“You think that is your way out?” Tojas walked forward.
“No, I’m sincere in my acceptance, but I don’t know how he’ll keep up with Nerti and Flemin. And I can’t and won’t expend the energy to bring him along.”