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Author: J. A. Armstrong

Category: LGBT

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  Logan sat up and gave Ruby a pleading pout. “Please?”

  Ruby thought for a moment that she should refuse. Mick had to be exhausted. Logan was sleepy. And, selfishly, she wanted Mick to herself. She watched as Mick ruffled Logan’s hair lovingly and sighed. “Only if you do it with a blanket and a pillow,” she told Logan.

  “Okay!” He hopped up and ran up the stairs.

  Ruby closed her eyes in defeat.

  “Uh-oh,” Mick began. “Should I have said no?”

  “No,” Ruby replied. She opened her eyes and looked at Mick. “It’s selfish.”

  “What’s that?”

  “I guess I was looking forward to spending some time with you.”

  Mick smiled and arched a brow. She sniggered when Ruby blushed. “Maybe this is a good time for me to give you your present.”

  “My present?”

  “You didn’t think Santa would forget about you, did you?”

  Ruby wasn’t sure what to think.

  “Hold on,” Mick said. She went to her jacket and retrieved an envelope.

  Ruby accepted it curiously.

  “Well, it won’t open itself. Open it before the dragon tamer emerges again.”

  Ruby opened the card.

  Ruby,

  I think you know I’ve never been much of one for Christmas festivities. You probably could call me a humbug. You seem to have changed that. You seem to have changed a lot of things. I wasn’t sure what to get you, and I don’t know if you will think this is premature, but it’s the best I could come up with.

  I asked Leona this morning if she’d be willing to babysit for a weekend. I wish I could make this a New Year’s celebration. We both have to work. I bribed Denise into giving me your schedule.

  Ruby looked up at Mick briefly and back at the card.

  I hope you might consider spending a weekend away with me. I know you like to spend your days off with Logan, but I’d like to have the chance to show you how much you have changed things—most of all me. I’m not great with words. I’m a lot better with veins and arteries.

  Ruby chuckled.

  I care about you. That’s lame. It’s more than that. I know it is. Maybe this present is really for me.

  Ruby grinned.

  Maybe it could be for both of us. I hope you’ll accept because I’ve never wanted to give anyone as much as I seem to want to give you. Merry Christmas, Ruby.

  Love,

  Mick

  Ruby closed the card and offered Mick a smile.

  “Lame?” Mick asked.

  “Perfect,” Ruby corrected her.

  “Really?”

  Ruby’s lips met Mick’s gratefully.

  “Eww!” Logan called out and shuddered.

  “What is eww?” Ruby asked.

  “Kissing.”

  “One day you might want to kiss a girl as pretty as Mick,” Ruby said.

  Logan wrinkled his nose. He had better things to do—things like training dragons.

  Ruby felt Mick shift next to her and she laughed. “Would you rather go train a dragon with Logan?” she teased Mick.

  Logan grabbed his movie and grinned.

  Mick blushed.

  Ruby laughed easily. “Put your movie on,” she instructed her son. “Come up here, and we’ll all fall asleep on the couch.”

  Logan began his task.

  “Would you?” Ruby whispered her question into Mick’s ear.

  “Only if you’re the dragon I get to ride.”

  Ruby erupted in an animated guffaw.

  “That’s not what I meant,” Mick said.

  Logan looked at his mother and Mick as if they’d both gone mad.

  Mick grumbled. “I told you, I’m not great with words.”

  Ruby laughed so hard she cried. She kissed Mick’s cheek. “I can’t wait for my lesson,” she whispered again.

  Mick swallowed hard and shivered.

  Logan climbed into Mick’s lap with his blanket. “You can share my blanket, Mick.”

  Ruby snickered.

  Mick leaned closer. “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you—my suffering?”

  Ruby held her thumb and forefinger about an inch apart.

  “I asked for that,” Mick said.

  “Shh! It’s starting,” Logan told the adults.

  Ruby shook with silent laughter. Suddenly, dragon training sounded interesting.

  ***

  NEW YEAR’S EVE

  “She hasn’t told you?” Denise asked.

  “Not even a little clue,” Ruby replied.

  “Are you nervous?”

  “About going away with Mick?”

  Denise nodded.

  “No.”

  “I think I’d be a wreck.”

  Ruby was a bit surprised that she wasn’t nervous about her upcoming trip with Mick. It would be the first time they would be alone for more than a few hours. It would also be the first time they would make love. Ruby was anxious for the next weekend to arrive. She wasn’t apprehensive. She saw Mick every day for some amount of time. She’d grown comfortable in Mick’s presence and in her arms. She craved Mick’s kisses and Mick’s touch. Ruby was ready to cross the next threshold in their budding relationship. She was ready to wake up next to Mick. She was ready to tell Mick what she felt. She’d come close to confessing her heart more than once. She loved Mick. She was in love with Mick. Maybe it was silly—this idea she’d conjured in her head. Mick was taking her away for a romantic weekend. It would be the perfect time to say the words, I love you. That is what Ruby looked forward to most of all—speaking her heart.

  “Aren’t you even curious?” Denise asked. “What she has planned?”

  Ruby grinned. She had a few plans of her own.

  “Oh, boy. Don’t tell me you two still haven’t—Oh my, God!” Denise leaned closer. “You still haven’t slept with her?”

  “No.”

  “You’re stronger than I would be.”

  “Denise, do you have a crush on Dr. Mulligan?”

  “Everyone with a pulse has a crush on Dr. Mulligan.”

  “Should I worry?” Ruby teased.

  “You’re not serious. The woman forgets anyone else is in this hospital when she sees you.”

  “Exaggerate much?”

  “Not this time,” Denise said. “She’s in love with you, you know?”

  Ruby’s heart rose into her throat.

  “She is,” Denise said.

  Ruby knew that Mick loved her. She felt it. She hadn’t heard anyone say it. She’d admitted to herself days ago that she wasn’t falling in love—she was in love with Mick Mulligan. Hearing someone voice the notion that Mick felt the same gravity between them stirred a palpable longing within her.

  “Ruby, you do know that?”

  “I hope so.”

  Denise smiled. “You’re in love with her too.”

  Ruby didn’t answer. She was relieved to hear her name paged. She wasn’t hesitant or ashamed to admit her feelings. Someone deserved to hear that profession first. Ruby didn’t intend to share her truth with anyone until she told Mick.

  ***

  “Who did you piss off?” Dr. Ben Rivers asked Mick.

  “I pissed someone off?”

  “Working two holiday rotations?”

  “Nah, I offered. I have next weekend off,” Mick said.

  “Plans?” Rivers asked.

  “You could say that.”

  Rivers nodded. “Ruby.”

  Mick shrugged.

  “Where are you two off to?”

  “It’s a secret,” Mick said.

  “You haven’t told her?”

  “I haven’t told anyone except my Mom, and that’s only because she’s babysitting.”

  “You’ve been spending too much time with cardiology.”

  “What?”

  “You’ve developed a heart,” Rivers joked.

  Mick laughed.

  A page startled them both.

  “Guess that’s the e
nd of our break,” Mick commented.

  “Happy New Year,” Rivers deadpanned.

  ***

  What a mess. Mick felt a trickle of sweat bead on her brow. Messes. She dealt with all kinds of messes in the operating room. She fixed botched surgeries, maddening wounds, and traumatic injuries of every kind. Mick had briefly spent time as a general surgeon before deciding to specialize in vascular medicine. She looked at the open leg in front of her and groaned. Messes. Cars caused all kinds of messes. The man on the table—what was his name? Gregory something or other. Mick focused on the puzzle in front of her. He would need more intervention in the future if she managed to be successful. Blood obscured her view. He would need orthopedic surgery and plastic surgery. He might need her again too. Damn cars. Damn holidays and their merriment. Focus. Mick shook off her straying thoughts. “Suction.”

  ***

  “Easy,” Ruby advised her patient “How do you feel now?”

  Ruby looked up at the monitor and sighed inwardly. She had learned that numbers only told part of a patient’s story. Pressures and oxygen levels, blood tests, and pulse rates gave medical professionals a snapshot. Underneath it all, beneath the surface was a whole human being. The human body was made up of more than the five vital organs that were paid close attention by doctors and nurses. One hundred trillion cells comprised a human body. Beyond the organs that performed various functions, the blood that ran through veins and arteries, and the oxygen that fed it all, there existed a spirit—a person’s soul. To Ruby’s mind, it was this invisible part of a person that determined life and death, happiness and unhappiness, the definition of illness and health. Some of the most medically challenged patients Ruby had helped care for held more life than many that had healed quickly. She let her hand fall on Roberta Danforth’s head.

  “Roberta,” she called for the woman’s attention.

  Roberta looked up at Ruby.

  Ruby’s eyes narrowed with consideration for less than a second. She called out the door to Denise who was passing by. “Get Dr. Matlin.” She returned her attention to the woman in the bed and offered her a comforting smile. “Deep breath. Smell the roses—blow out the candles. Relax.” She kept smiling with encouragement.

  ***

  Mick threw her rumpled gown away and closed her eyes. It never got easier. It would never make sense to her. She tried to comprehend it all—life and death—who got to live and who had to die. People were more than just puzzles that she had to try to put back together. People were loved. A human being was more than a collection of vessels and organs. A person was someone’s child, someone’s parent, a friend, a co-worker, an annoying little brother or sister, or the best friend someone ever had. People were far more complicated than the diagrams Mick studied in medical journals. At the end of the day, it was often easier to repair a broken vessel, a diseased organ, or a shattered limb than it ever would be to mend a broken heart. That’s what Mick was tasked to do now—break someone’s heart. She took a few deep breaths and readied herself. What was the best approach? Clinical and detached? Warm and comforting? Two faces flashed before her. She pressed down the urge to be sick and sucked in one more long breath. One foot in front of the other. There would never be a better way to break a person’s heart.

  ***

  Ruby emerged from the room and made her way to Roberta Danforth’s daughter. Tears welled in the young woman’s eyes. Ruby smiled as best she could and opened her arms. She’d seen this family every day for more than a week. She’d laughed with them. She’d rattled off numbers and medicine names. She’d listened to their animated exchanges during better moments, and witnessed their silent tears when tension filled the room amid the beeping of endless IVs and monitors. She was an interloper—an unlikely friend and an intruder. This place was anything but sterile. Nothing about this place would ever be sterile. There were some infections and afflictions you could never hope to guard against. Loss was the greatest of those. Ruby let the woman in her embrace cry. There were no words to offer. Ruby knew that better than most. Sometimes, the only thing you could offer someone was a hug. There were times when words were empty, and explanations lacked meaning. At those moments, the touch of another person—to feel their spirit surrounding yours when your soul cried out for relief—that was the only comfort possible. It might not heal their festering wound. It would grant them permission to feel the pain and promise a place that one day held hope again. “Sorry,” was vacant and unnecessary. “It’ll be okay,” was a demeaning sentiment.

  “She was a wonderful person,” Ruby said. “I’m glad I had the chance to know her.”

  What else was there to say? Nothing.

  ***

  Mick waited for Ruby to emerge from the door. The sun was still making its way over the horizon. She welcomed the brisk air. It reminded her that she was alive. She leaned against a railing and shoved her hands in her jacket pockets. She was about to close her eyes when the door opened. Ruby.

  ***

  Ruby shut her locker and put her face into her hands. How many people had she watched die? It was a privilege. Ruby understood that She shared one of the most sacred moments a person experienced on their journey. She was part of a team that did their best to give life every chance possible. Death was an inevitable visitor for everyone. Death wasn’t a punishment. It felt that way when it arrived. Ruby had come to believe that death was nothing more than another abrupt turn on the pathway of life. She had no idea where it led. She was confident that it led somewhere new. Believing that would never diminish grief. Love assured loss. Life assured death. The only lesson in it all was to grab hold of the love life offered you. She slipped her jacket over her arms. No more waiting—not one more day.

  ***

  Mick pushed off the railing and opened her arms to Ruby. “Tough shift?” she guessed.

  Ruby indulged in the embrace for a moment and then pulled away to look at Mick.

  “What is it?” Mick asked.

  “I love you, Mick. I love you.”

  Mick’s heart lurched violently. “I love you,” she said.

  Ruby smiled and fell back into Mick’s embrace. “Take me home.”

  “I think you need some sleep,” Mick said.

  Ruby looked back at Mick. “You’re not leaving—not today.”

  Mick was surprised.

  “I told you—I love you. I don’t expect you to do anything but sleep beside me. I am not letting you walk back out that door when we get home—not after we’ve said what we just have. I need you with me.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Mick, I can’t do this anymore—wait for the perfect moment. I don’t know what’s awaiting either of us on the other side of this second. I didn’t plan to fall in love again. I have. I’m not wasting a second ever again—not with you.”

  Mick took Ruby’s hand. “Let’s go home.”

  ***

  “Are you all right?” Mick asked.

  Ruby relaxed in Mick’s arms. “I should be terrified.”

  “Of what?”

  “This.”

  “Me in your bed?” Mick tried to lighten both their moods a little.

  Ruby giggled. “Not exactly.”

  “What—exactly?”

  “I hate the idea of you leaving, and I know neither of us is ready for what that might mean.”

  Mick brushed a strand of hair from Ruby’s eyes. “I don’t think anyone is ever ready, Ruby. Maybe we do need a little time. I think we both know where we want this to lead us.”

  “Do we?” Ruby asked.

  “I do.”

  Ruby listened, hopeful, hesitant, and curious.

  “I’ve never told a woman that I loved her—well, except my mother.”

  Ruby smiled.

  “I’ve never wanted to say those words—even if I felt them the tiniest bit. They aren’t a device for seduction or something I think you should say when lust takes you over—or infatuation. I love you means something. It means that even when part of
you might want to leave, you will stay. It’s what you say when you find the person you want to stay beside you. That’s what it means to me. That’s you,” Mick said. “I’m not suggesting that we run off this coming weekend and tie the knot. The thought of doing that one day doesn’t scare me, Ruby—not if I’m doing it with you.”

  “For someone who thinks she doesn’t have a way with words, you certainly are a poet.”

  “No, I’m not. I’m only being honest.”

  “Eloquently,” Ruby replied. “I do love you, Mick. I’m glad we said that without needing—”

  “To have sex?” Mick guessed.

  “Yes. Is that terrible?”

  “Not unless it’s your way of telling me you never want to—have sex that is.”

  Ruby laughed. “If I weren't so tired, I’d be asking to see your dragon-taming skills now.”

  “I think we should hold off on collars for a while,” Mick deadpanned.

  “Collars?”

  Mick shrugged.

  “You are kidding?”

  Mick loved to tease Ruby. “Scared?”

  Ruby shook her head. “No.” Ruby had never felt safer in her life—never. That realization struck her like lightning.

  “You okay?” Mick asked.

  “I am,” Ruby promised. “Happy New Year, Mick.” She kissed Mick lovingly and resumed her position in Mick’s arms.

  “Happy New Year, Ruby.”

  Chapter Six

  ONE WEEK LATER

  Ruby looked out the window at the ocean. The water was topped with a white crest as the wind blew. She hadn’t spent much time contemplating where Mick might take her for their weekend getaway. It didn’t matter to her. All that mattered was Mick. Ruby would have been happy at Motel 6—okay, maybe that was a bit of a stretch. She chuckled at the thought. Mick had taken a walk to purchase some firewood at the corner store. Ruby was content to watch the waves in the distance. A weekend at the beach in January was the last place she would have expected Mick to take her. It was perfect—far more romantic than it would be in the heat of summer. It was quiet. Most of the cottages were empty. There were no crowds on the streets or the beaches. Ruby imagined that many years ago this is what life on the coast had been like—long before hotels, motels, and Air BnB’s invited travelers to explore. She heard the back door close and took a deep breath.

 

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