Author: Max Hudson
Category: LGBT
Go to read content：https://onlinereadfreenovel.com/max-hudson/page,7,499970-a_second_chance_at_love.html
“Earth to Dan,” Dharma waved her hand in front of my face.
“I drifted off,” I said.
“No kidding? You've been off since you got here. What's eating your brain?” Dharma's meditation voice was a far cry from her no-nonsense Brooklyn cadence. She knew how to stack all of the ancient pearls of wisdom with a straightforward approach to life. That's what made her so effective.
“Nothing really,” I hedged.
“Listen, you can't be here now if you're too busy trying to resolve something somewhere else. So spill it so you can do what you came here to do.”
“How do you know when something is really over?”
“Something?”
“Yeah, like, a period of your life or a phase or a—”
“Or a relationship?”
I nodded.
“It’s over when you can walk away without regrets. That’s the short answer. It doesn’t mean walking away isn’t painful, but you can say that you did everything you could and everything you should, and you can rest easy with that.”
“What if you’re not sure?”
“Then it’s not over. Again, that’s the easy answer.”
I sat down hard and stared at the waves rolling in.
“There’s nothing easy about this. I’ve been avoiding it for too long, but now that I’m here I don’t know what to do. I wanted to put it all to bed, you know? I wanted to give us both a little closure and say all the things I should’ve said back then. But, saying the words just…”
Dharma sat down beside me and patted my shoulder.
“Saying the words just brought everything back up to the surface.”
“Not just for me, for him too.”
“Him?” She jumped as if I’d just bitten her.
“Yeah, him. I told you nothing about this was easy.”
“I didn’t know you were…”
“I’m not, it's just him.”
She nodded but it was pretty clear she didn’t fully comprehend it. Neither did I, but I’d given up trying to understand and just accepted it as a fact. I liked Mischa. I wanted to be with him.
“So?”
“So, I hurt him once. More than once really; a long time ago. I was pretty fucked up then, and I did a lot of fucked up things to him. I knew he would never want to see my face again, and somehow that was okay with me. Long before my accident, I knew my life wasn’t going to amount to shit and he deserved better.”
“So you pushed him away.” It was a statement of fact but it hurt to hear the words. I’d pushed away the one person I was sure liked me for who I was and not who I was for them. No matter how many excuses I made, that was the honest truth.
“But you know what?” I felt tears fill my eyes and I was powerless to hold them back. “He loved me. He loved me anyway.”
“And did you love him?”
I shook my head and tried to regain control of my breathing.
“I didn’t even love myself.”
“So now?”
“So now, what do I do?” A fresh wave of tears tore through me and it was nearly a minute before I could regain my composure enough to speak. “I can’t fix it, but I hurt him. I hurt him so bad. And I can see it, it’s like a wound nobody can see but me.”
“And as long as he is hurting, so are you.” Dharma threw her arms around me and hugged me tightly. It was a motherly gesture, but one that was both needed and appreciated.
“What do I do?” I sobbed, clinging to her thin waist as the tears rolled down my face.
“I think you loved him too, or else it wouldn’t hurt this bad. You’re a decent guy. I don't know what you were like before, but maybe he needs you to do for him what he did for you. Maybe he needs you to love him for who he is right now and not try to fix him,” she said calmly. “Do you still... love him?”
That was the real question, wasn’t it?
“Maybe.”
“Then maybe you need to spend the next few days trying to answer that question.”
Chapter Eleven
“So, you’re not dead in a ditch!” Faedra was mad as hell, but she answered the phone so that was a good sign.
“Sorry. I needed to clear my head.”
“Oh well then you should’ve called me, I would be glad to clean your clock,” she said.
“I deserve that, would you like me to come over now? You can still make that happen.”
“Cute, but no. I’m busy.”
“Dick appointment?”
“Oh, we’re back to Faedra being a slut!” She sounded offended...too offended.
“Faedra?”
“Okay, I have company,” she said quickly. “But that doesn’t mean that I’m not really, really, really angry at you for just ditching us for weeks!”
“Us?”
“Okay, it’s Roman, okay?” She whispered. “We are finally having THE talk so just give me a few hours and I’ll call you back. But you better answer the fucking phone!”
“I promise,” I said with a smile. I still had to eat a lot of shit but I was pretty sure that I was forgiven.
That only left one thing to do; figure out what I was going to do about Daniel. He was due back in town tomorrow and I was still as clueless about the nature of our relationship as I had been the day he left.
I could ghost him.
I seriously considered it.
Unfortunately, spending my life avoiding him sounded like a time-consuming proposition. Besides which, I honestly wanted to see him. I didn’t like the idea of letting more time pass without him. Maybe it was wishful thinking, but I thought that if there was ever a moment when we could reclaim the relationship that we might have once had, now was that moment. If we were both brave enough, we might have something. Maybe not love, but at least a few hot nights to wash away the bitterness of the past.
Was I brave enough?
That was the million dollar question. I stared at my computer screen without seeing anything. I should’ve been editing but I couldn’t focus. I couldn’t seem to give my undivided attention to anything lately. Every time there was a pause in my stream of consciousness, memories of Daniel would invade my mind. The longer he was gone, the more those memories felt less like visions and more like hallucinations.
When he called to let me know when he was returning, I tried to play it cool. I really did, but I could feel my body counting down the days and then the hours until I could see his face and hear his voice and feel his breath on my skin. It was extremely unsettling, particularly because I’d been here before. In middle school, every look, every time his fingers brushed mine, I imagined that there was a deeper meaning. Or maybe I didn’t imagine it. Maybe, there was something real there and I wouldn’t allow myself to fully believe it.
“Can I see you?” I’d asked, still trying to sound aloof.
“Even if you didn’t want to see me, I need to see you. I’ve had a lot of time to think about things,” he said, not giving anything away. Unfortunately, there was no way to get more information out of him and maintain my cool, so I remained silent.
I looked up at the large wall clock that doubled as a work of art hanging above my sofa. He should’ve landed an hour ago. I got up from my chair and paced the floor. I stared at my reflection in the mirror, checking for flaws that I might have missed. I brushed my teeth and gargled with mouthwash. I checked to make sure that I had condoms and lube available in every room in the house. You never knew how things would end up with Daniel.
I jotted down notes, things I wanted to make sure that we said before discomfort or misunderstanding got in the way. I reviewed them several times and then shoved them into my pocket. I was just about to attempt to thin my eyebrows when the knock at the door rescued my brows from looking like pencil eraser shavings.
I flung the door open for him. He stood there, looking as if he ran here from the airport.
“How was your trip?” I didn’t care.
“Good.” Apparently, neither did he.
We stu
mbled into the house, our legs crossing up as we tried not to seem like we were rushing. Somehow I ended up walking back into the bedroom, conspicuously not touching, yet breathing heavy for some unknown reason. I stood in the middle of my bedroom and watched him walk toward me. He got close. Too close. Every nerve ending in my body tensed until I thought I might scream.
“I don’t think we can be friends,” he said.
“No?”
“No. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life missing you or wondering what could’ve been if we had given it a try. I know this isn’t my decision to make, but I want this. Us. There are so many things about how things were back then, so many things you didn’t understand, couldn’t understand. I want the chance to set the record straight.”
“Okay,” I breathed.
“Okay?”
“I, ugh,” I snatched the notes from my back pocket. “I don’t think that I ever really got over you.”
“Okay, so what do I have to do to get you to trust me?” He was so close that I could nearly taste him.
“No more excuses. Just tell me the whole truth, about everything. And, stop making decisions based on what you think is best for me. Just give me the facts and we can make determinations together.” I kept looking at the notes in my hands, avoiding his eyes. My hands shook with nervousness but I’d never been so sure of anything in my life.
“How can I not want to protect you?”
I shook my head.
“Isn’t that how we got here? You never talked to me about what was going on. You just made decisions and did what you thought was best. You never bothered to explain yourself.”
He cupped my face in his large, warm hand, and tilted my chin up.
“Look at me,” he demanded. Slowly, I let my eyes drift up to his face and instantly fell into the depths of his eyes. My breath caught in my throat. In those depths I saw all of the things I wanted; tenderness, desire, lust, love and longing all shining in the depths of his eyes like dazzling stars in a night sky.
“Daniel…”
“How am I going to live with myself if I hurt you like that again? I’m not that guy. I was never that guy, and it took a fuck ton of screwing up to figure that out. I’m just begging you for a chance to show you that I am who you thought I was before I fucked it up.”
I took a deep breath and found it corked in my lungs when he sealed my lips with his and simultaneously fried my circuits.
“I am always going to do what I think will protect you. That’s not negotiable. But I can handle a little radical honesty,” he said, his lips grazing over mine as he spoke.
“Good enough,” I agreed, crumpled the notes in my hands and threw them over my shoulder.
We came together like a clap of thunder, arms entwined, our tongues dancing to and fro. He bit my lips and snuck his tongue down my neck. I clung to his shoulders, craning my neck to the side to allow him greater access. I had no intention of holding anything back. I longed to submit, throw all caution to the wind and dive headlong into whatever came next.
He grabbed a handful of my hair in his fist, exuding an aggressive possessiveness that burned through my sense of self-preservation. I whimpered softly as his teeth worked on my skin. I knew I would be left with red marks in the morning and the idea excited me. I would be marked. His. Undeniably taken. I pushed my hands under his shirt and spread my fingers across his wide, muscled back.
“Mine,” he growled and slid his hands down to my waistband. He clutched at the fabric and pulled me close, grinding his hot need against my hip. His fingers slithered under my clothes and he grabbed my ass, kneading until it began to quiver on its own.
I pulled at his shirt, stripping it from his body and stealing the nectar from his lips. We kissed until we were both breathless and desperate for more. I pulled away from his arms, using all of my strength to separate my skin from his. He looked at me with confusion but held himself in check although the way his muscles twitched told me he wouldn’t succeed for long.
I unbuckled his pants and pulled them down to his ankles, taking his underwear with it. I saw his ruined knee and I kissed it, licking all around the scars that crisscrossed the flesh. He watched me with increasing desire as I silently gave thanks for the accident that forced this broken boy to become a man. I made my way up to his thigh, avoiding the large, throbbing member that begged for attention.
“Ugh, Mischa please!” He hissed, clenching his fists at his sides. I felt a special thrill hearing him beg. I wanted him wild, reckless, without the veneer of civility that years of green smoothies and meditation retreats had drummed into him. I was thrilled to see him so near to his rawest form of himself.
I licked and kissed his hips and across his belly, still ignoring the moist tip of the mushroom head of his cock. It became a game I played. When I exhaled it would bob in the air, desperately seeking my attention. The muscles in his back, thighs, ass, and neck became taut with frustration, even as I soothed the other places on his body with my tongue.
He finally lost the battle with himself and grabbed my hair, dragging my face into position roughly.
“Mischa, PLEASE!”
He grabbed his cock and pressed it against my lips. I didn’t even try to resist him, opening wide as he shoved his hard length down my throat. I tried to relax the muscles in the back of my throat to avoid gagging. He cooed as I closed my lips around the thick, veined organ. I grabbed his ass with both of my hands, bracing myself as he plunged his cock in and out of my mouth. In a few minutes the wet, slurping sound of what might have been my best blowjob to date, echoed throughout the room.
I looked up at his face while he fucked my face. He looked almost apologetic as he pressed the back of my head down to the base of his cock. He bit his lips as pleasure and distress mingled in his gaze. I smiled at him, turning the corners of my lips up around his cock, letting him know that I was glad to be of service. He looked down at me, confused at first, and then slowly comprehension dawned. All of the conflict in his face faded away, replaced by unbridled passion. Tonight I was his and he was all mine.
I cupped his balls and got in on the action, licking and sucking as if ever-lasting life would spurt right from the tip of his well-formed cock. He rewarded me by going hands-free, putting both of his hands on top of his head and growling in appreciation. I removed his cock with a loud popping sound before making my way up to his belly and then his chest.
“You must have been thinking about this for a long time,” he said. His voice was barely more than a growl.
“Must have,” I said with a smile.
He grabbed my ass, pressing me against his large, muscular body. He had me naked and wanting in a matter of moments. I clung to his large, muscular body, shamelessly rubbing myself against his skin. He thumbed my left nipple and slipped a finger between my cheeks, circling around my asshole. It was as much of an invitation as it was a warning of what was coming next.
“How long have you wanted this?”
“Ever since you left,” I panted. His smell flooded my nostrils and soaked into my skin. If we were going to be radically honest then I couldn’t think of a better time to start.
“Did you touch yourself while I was gone?”
“Once or twice,” I said without hesitation.
“Show me,” he demanded.
Feeling particularly bold, I sat back on the edge of my bed, spreading my legs wide and lifting my knees so that nothing was obstructed. We made eye contact and the heat in his stare sent shockwaves through my body. I grabbed my hard cock and stroked it lightly. It sprung to life, leaking a steady stream of clear liquid as I caressed the shaft. Daniel grunted and grabbed his cock hard, squeezing it until the head got dark. I ran my fingers down the underside of my erection and down to the cleft of my ass, stroking my taint suggestively.
“Did you satisfy yourself there?”
“I thought about you. I couldn’t stop thinking about you.” I retrieved the small tube of massage oil that Faedra had bought
for my birthday last year and I never got around to using. I followed the instructions faithfully, applying it liberally to the area and working it in with smooth, deep strokes.
I could feel my ass twitching as he watched. He licked his lips and took a step toward me. I closed my legs and turned over, coming up on all fours so that he got a clear look at my ass in front of him. He dropped to his knees and grabbed my hips, stuffing his face between my cheeks and assaulting my tight hole with his tongue. My whole body went weak and I found myself opening my legs wider to give him greater access. He massaged my thighs and licked my balls, destroying any coherent thought I had with waves of pleasure.
“Oh, I’m cumming. Daniel, I’m cumming,” I yelled, my shoulders collapsing onto the mattress. “Don’t stop!”
He complied, standing at his full height, he pressed the head of his fat cock against my entrance and rammed into me just as I was caught up in a mind-numbing orgasm. The pleasure coursing through my veins masked the pain of his sudden thrusts into me. By the time I caught my breath again, my body was adjusting to the sudden girth and constant pounding of Daniel Mann.
He held my hips roughly and pounded into my body relentlessly. I could hear my shameless moaning and the pa-pa-pa sound of our bodies coming together.
“You fucking kill my peace, you know that?” he growled between thrusts. “All I want to do is fuck you. How did you do that? Huh?”
“Daniel…”
He put his hands on my elbows, yanking me back onto his cock as he continued to fuck me hard.
“When you say my name, I just want to fuck you more. Is that what you want? Are you showing me your slutty side so I’ll fuck you more?”
I couldn’t answer, couldn’t think, could barely breathe. There was every reason to believe that if a person could be fucked to death, Daniel would be the man to accomplish the task. He showed no signs of fatigue and no intentions of letting up. He was brutal and demanding, pulling my body into several different positions before he was finally satisfied.