Author: L A Cotton
Category: Contemporary
Go to read content：https://onlinereadfreenovel.com/l-a-cotton/page,9,592781-tragic_lies_a_forbidden_age-gap_romance_rixon_high.html
“I… It’s not the same,” I got the words out over the lump in my throat. “My mom didn’t love me; she didn’t want me around.” Pain flashed through me.
Then it was like black coffee hit Xander’s system, sobering him. He pulled his fingers away from mine. “You shouldn’t be out here.” His expression darkened.
“I know.”
“You should go,” he added, his eyes dipping to my mouth. Heat unfurled in my stomach, butterflies taking flight there.
“Xander, I—”
“Go,” he barked, shooting upright, burying his hands in his face. “Just get out of here.”
I scrambled to my feet. “You really want me to leave?”
“Yes,” it came out rough, “before I do something I’ll regret.”
“Fine,” I hissed, “but you should try to get home too, before you fall asleep out here and get mugged or something.” Forcing myself away from him, I made my way back up the embankment, almost certain I heard his voice carry on the wind.
“You shouldn’t care about me, Peyton. I’ll only disappoint you.”
Chapter Ten
Xander
I woke to a bass drum in my head. Bleary-eyed, I pushed onto an elbow and inhaled a thin breath.
Fuck.
My skull felt ready to explode, and the second my eyes landed on the empty whiskey bottle, my stomach churned. Pushing back the sheet, I staggered to my feet and ran a hand through my bed hair. I was a fucking mess. I could barely remember getting back home last night.
There had been a blonde at the bar. A tall, thin thing who had stayed by my side even after I insisted I wasn’t looking for company. She’d offered to make sure I got home okay… and I told her to take a hike.
Not my best moment.
But she’d reminded me of Peyton. All starry-eyed and seductive.
What the fuck was I saying?
Peyton wasn’t seductive, she was… a kid.
Except she wasn’t.
And that was the problem.
I couldn’t get the image of her on the roof terrace ledge out of my head. My heart had fallen out of my chest when she’d climbed up there. But it had been her parting words that really dug under my skin.
I don’t want anything from you, Xander. I’m not that foolish to ever think you would see me as more than what I am, but I just thought… I thought maybe you got it. That maybe you understood.
It shouldn’t have mattered—it didn’t matter that she thought so little of me.
But it did.
All day, I’d replayed those words over and over in my head until I’d needed to cleanse them from my mind. And the only way I knew how to do that involved an endless supply of whiskey on the rocks.
I could barely remember leaving the bar. Had I come straight back here? No, that didn’t feel right. I’d gone… fuck, I’d gone to the river and she’d been there.
Peyton had been there.
We’d talked… we’d… No, I couldn’t even think about that.
Jesus. I shook my head as I walked into my small bathroom. I was a fucking mess, and all over a seventeen-year-old girl in high school.
What did that say about me?
About the kind of guy I was?
If Jase or Cam could see me now…
Who the fuck was I kidding? They—especially Cam—would probably expect something like this from me. After all, I was Xander Chase, the guy who repeatedly screwed up and sabotaged any shot he had at turning his life around.
It was a miracle I hadn’t messed things up with the team yet. But part of me liked working with the guys. Coach Huckley was a grumpy asshole, but everyone else was okay; and I don’t know, it kind of felt like coming full circle.
I knew I’d given up my shot back in high school, but maybe by helping the team, helping Kaiden, I was paying my dues somehow.
Splashing my face with cold water, I stared at myself in the mirror. I looked as bad as I felt. My eyes were bloodshot and sunken. I knew if Cam could see me now, he’d have a thing or two to say. It was one of the reasons I’d stopped going by his house for Sunday morning breakfast.
But there was no avoiding him today.
I’d promised Jase I would show up at theirs today. No matter how much I didn’t want to. Because she would be there too.
“You look like shit,” Jase said as he welcomed me into his house.
“Nice to see you too,” I grumbled.
“What the fuck happened to you?”
“Let me guess,” Cameron appeared, leaning against the door jamb. “Heavy night at Bell’s?”
“Something like that.” Running a hand over my jaw, I met my brother’s hard gaze, immediately wishing I hadn’t.
The disapproval in his eyes was almost too much to bear. I should have been used to it by now, but it never got easier.
“Come on,” Jase said, clapping me on the shoulder. “You’re going to need a strong coffee to survive today.”
He wasn’t wrong. The house was full of people, the noise crashing against my tender skull. We passed the den, and I spotted my niece, Ashleigh, with the Ford girls as they sat with Aaron and Sofia Bennet.
“Hey, Uncle Xan,” she spotted me. “What happened to you?”
“Yeah, Coach,” Aaron smirked. “You’re not looking so good.”
“I’d still run circles around you.”
Just then, the doorbell chimed. Jase paused. “That’ll be Kaiden. Go find some coffee and Advil.”
“Yeah,” I murmured, following Cameron into the kitchen.
“Do I need to be worried?” he asked, studying my face.
“Relax, it was a blowout. I’m fine.”
“How many times have I heard—”
“I said, I’m fine,” I hissed, making a beeline for the coffee maker.
Fee came over and nudged my shoulder. “Hey, everything okay?”
“Like I said, I’m fine.”
“Yeah, but you know what ‘I’m fine’ sounds like. It sounds a lot like I’m not fine.” Her expression softened but I saw the concern there.
“It was a rough night.”
“Want to talk about it?”
“Not particularly.” My chest tightened. I’m sure she’d love to hear all about how hung up I was over her teenage daughter’s best friend.
“Well, I’m glad you’re here. We all are. You’re a part of this family whether you want to be or not.”
My lips parted but no words came out. What the fuck was there to say? I was only here because Jase—my boss—had practically demanded it.
But then Peyton appeared in the doorway like an angel sent from heaven, and I knew I was lying to myself.
I wasn’t only here for Jase.
And that’s precisely why I should have stayed away.
“Hey, sweetheart,” Hailee said. “How are you?”
“I’m okay thanks, Mrs. Chase.”
“Peyton,” my sister-in-law chuckled. “How many times have I told you to call me Hailee?”
“Sorry.” Her gaze slid past her right to me. She lifted her chin imperceptibly, but I caught it. I felt it like a punch to the stomach. She was pissed… and her anger was all directed at me.
I didn’t blame her—I’d been an asshole on the roof terrace and again last night at the river. But this thing between her and me, it was dangerous territory. Confusing and unexpected. And I wanted to believe it was all because I’d saved her… but I wasn’t so sure anymore.
She settled her eyes on Fee and said, “I just wanted to grab a drink.”
“Of course.” Fee shooed me along the counter to give Peyton room to open the refrigerator.
“Do you need anything else?”
“I’m good, thanks.”
The air turned thick with tension. I didn’t know if it was her and me, or her and everybody else. But her presence changed things.
When she disappeared out of the kitchen, everyone seemed to take a breath.
“How is she?” Hailee asked. “She seeme
d okay last night at the game.”
“I wish I knew. She’s gotten so good at putting up walls. She says she’s okay, but how can she be after… God, I can’t even imagine.”
“She’s lucky to have you and Jase,” Hailee added.
“Is she?” Fee’s shoulders sank. “Because some days, it feels like we haven’t got any idea of how to get through to her.”
“She’s been through a lot. It’s going to take time.”
My eyes flicked to the door, but Peyton was gone. I knew firsthand it wasn’t as simple as Hailee was making it sound. I’d had people there for me, but it hadn’t stopped me from spiraling out of control.
Shit, maybe I should have come clean to Jase about everything. But the last thing I wanted was to make it worse for her. For any of them.
“I need a smoke,” I said, grabbing my mug of coffee and making my way to the back door. The frigid air stung as I inhaled a deep breath, but I welcomed the burn. Placing down my mug, I lit up a cigarette and sucked in a big lungful of smoke.
I was hardly surprised when Cameron followed me outside. “I don’t need a babysitter,” I gritted out.
“Shit, Xan, that’s not… How are you?”
“Like I said, I’m fine.”
“I know things have been strange between us, but you can always come to me—”
“Funny,” I arched a brow at him, “because me coming to you was exactly what landed us here.”
“That’s not fair, and you know it. You’re a grown man. You have responsibilities. You can’t keep coasting through life without a plan. Mom and Dad would—”
“Don’t, okay? Just don’t.”
I didn’t need to hear what a failure I was, what our parents would think of me if they were still here. I’d heard it enough over the years.
Taking a long drag on my cigarette, I dropped the butt to the ground and dragged my boot over it.
“You should quit that shit.”
“It calms me.”
“I can think of a handful more productive ways to do that.” Cameron smirked. “Like maybe finding yourself a woman—”
“You’re giving me sex advice now?”
“That’s not… fuck you.” A faint smile traced his lips. “I’m glad you came. We all are.” Cameron turned to leave but placed his hand on my shoulder at the last second. “No matter what happens between us, you will always be a part of this family, Xander. I hope you know that.”
His words stayed with me long after he’d gone back inside. I knew he meant well; he always did. But Cameron didn’t know what it was like to feel inadequate, to feel completely alone in a room full of people. Because he’d never been alone, not truly. He’d always had Jase and Asher, and then Hailee had come along and rooted herself beside him. Cameron might have lived through our mom’s death and then our father’s accident, but he hadn’t done it alone.
So he would never understand what it was like to be in my shoes.
With three families crammed into the Ford’s house, there was nowhere to hide. Fee and Jase had covered the island in tin foil to make a huge nacho table. It smelled so fucking good that not even my hangover could put me off digging in.
“I think I died and went to heaven,” Aaron groaned around a mouthful of chili beef nachos.
“It’s good, right?” Poppy said. “I helped Mom make it.” She beamed at him.
“Come on, Peyton, get over here and eat something,” Jase said, budging over to make room for her.
“Oh, I’m not hungry. But thanks, Mr. Ford.”
His jaw clenched but Fee shot him a warning look with a small shake of her head. I glanced back at Peyton. She looked so small curled up on the sectional, scrolling through her phone. If she felt me watching, she didn’t look up.
“Hey, Coach,” Kaiden said, and me and Jase both glanced up at him. He smirked. “Coach Chase.”
Jase rolled his eyes. “Don’t forget who taught you everything you know, kid.”
“Jealous, Coach?” The opportunity to yank his chain was too good, and I smothered a grin.
“Hey, I taught you everything I know too, Xan.”
“He’s got a point,” Asher added.
“Maybe the two of you should go head-to-head?” Aaron suggested. “Now there’s a showdown I’d pay to see.”
“Nah, Coach Ford is too old to run with the big boys these days. Isn’t that right, Jase?” Laughter rumbled in my chest. It felt weird to be standing here, shooting the shit with him, Kaiden, and Aaron.
But part of me liked it. It liked the feeling of being a part of something.
Fuck. When had that happened?
Cameron caught my eye, and something passed between us. His eyes held a glimmer of relief, of hope. But I didn’t dwell on it. Just because I was here, laughing and joking like I was one of them, didn’t change the fact I wasn’t.
“What’s up, Kaiden?” I asked, trying to crack the tension that had settled over us.
“Why didn’t you go to college? I mean, you were good, everyone says you were. I’ve seen your high school records. You could have played any—”
“Kaiden.” Jase shook his head, sliding his eyes, heavy with concern, to mine.
The silence was deafening as all eyes turned to me. Fuck, I felt like the walls were closing in, the air being sucked from the room.
“Sorry,” Kaiden rushed out, “I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“It’s fine,” I lied. “I was young and foolish,” I swallowed over the lump in my throat, “and sometimes shit happens.”
I found my brother across the kitchen. He was rooted to the spot, watching me. There was so much left unsaid between us. So much I would never tell him. So much I couldn’t tell him.
“I need a smoke,” I said, heading for the door.
“I’ll come with you,” Cameron offered, but I pinned him with a hard look.
“No, stay.” I scrubbed my jaw, my skin too tight for my body. “I just need some air.”
Without another word, I slipped outside; but I didn’t linger near the house, I took off toward the lake.
I wanted to be alone. I needed to be alone. It was hard to explain that I’d come to crave the one thing I’d always resented.
For so long, I’d felt lonely. I’d felt like it was me against the world. Back in high school, I would have given anything to have a friend, a real friend who got me. Who understood me. But it never happened. I’d had friends, sure. I was always surrounded by people who wanted Xander the star football player. Girls who wanted a piece of me and guys who wanted to party with me. But no one ever wanted to know me. And maybe that was my fault. Maybe I was too intense, too guarded, too unattainable.
Dragging a hand down my face, I let out a steady breath. I wasn’t looking for a trip down memory lane. All I wanted was to finish up the season with the team and worry about the rest later.
The trees created a natural arch down to the lake. It was secluded down here, quiet and out of sight from the house. It was the perfect place to get lost.
But the second I stepped out of the thicket, I realized I wasn’t alone.
Chapter Eleven
Peyton
I felt Xander before I saw him.
But I knew he wasn’t here for me. Why would he be?
“Sorry,” I said, lifting my eyes to his, “I’ll just go.” Averting my gaze, I went to slip around him, but he snagged my wrist, sending tiny shocks rippling through me.
“Stay.”
Our eyes collided, and the air was sucked clean from my lungs.
“You were right,” he said, so quietly I barely heard him. “I get it.”
His words shouldn’t have affected me as much as they did, but the relief was instant. Like a heavy weight lifted off my shoulders.
“Is that why you’re hiding out here?” My eyes narrowed.
Xander expelled a heavy sigh, running a hand over his jaw. It was dusted with stubble, but it suited him. I’d never kissed a guy with facial hair before, and I co
uldn’t help but wonder what it would feel like.
“It’s hard pretending all the time.” His eyes dipped to my mouth and back up, and I wanted so badly to know what he was thinking. “What’s your excuse?” The corner of his mouth tipped up.
“I just needed some air.”
“I didn’t even see you slip outside.”
“I used the front door and went around the back gate.”
“Stealthy.”
“Less questions.” I shrugged. “You want to sit?” My hand dropped to the space beside me on the bench. It was an old rickety thing but sturdy enough.
“I need a smoke.” Xander was already digging out his packet.
“I don’t mind.”
His brows knitted as he studied me. “You sure?”
“Yeah, my mom smoked.” I didn’t tack on that it was rarely straight tobacco.
“My mom always hated it.” Xander sat down and I couldn’t help but notice how he perched right on the end of the bench, keeping a respectable distance between us, unlike last night. “Or at least, that’s what Cameron used to tell me. He told me this story once, about how Dad came home one night stinking of cigars and she made him sleep in the basement for two nights straight until he managed to completely wash the smell off him.”
I watched as he placed the smoke between his lips and ignited the end. I didn’t particularly like the smell, but I didn’t hate it either, and there was no denying there was something sexy about the way he caressed it with his mouth.
“Peyton?” Xander’s voice pulled me from my thoughts, and my cheeks burned.
“I… uh, I’ve never tried it. I’ve gotten high a couple of times, but I didn’t like it.”
“Don’t ever let Jase hear you say that. If he thought you were corrupting Poppy and Lily—”
“Have you met Lily? She would never do that. I’m not so sure about Poppy though.” I chuckled.
“Yeah, she has that glint in her eye. Something tells me Jase will have his hands full with her over the next couple of years.”
“She’s too busy crushing on Aaron to get into too much trouble yet.”