Author: L A Cotton
Category: Contemporary
Go to read content：https://onlinereadfreenovel.com/l-a-cotton/page,14,592781-tragic_lies_a_forbidden_age-gap_romance_rixon_high.html
“So why did you go with him?” Confusion clouded Lily’s eyes.
“Do I need a reason?” It came out more defensively than I intended. Lily wasn’t the enemy here. She was my friend. My best friend. But she wouldn’t understand.
“Is it because of Bryan? Because you know, he gets it. He knows you don’t like him like that.”
“It’s not about Bryan, Lil.”
“So what is it?”
“I just…” I inhaled a deep breath. “Sometimes, when I’m with you all, it’s hard.”
Her expression fell. “Peyton.”
“It’s not anything anyone has done or said, it’s just me… I’m not… I’m not the same.”
She reached over and grabbed my hand. “It’s going to take time.”
“Please don’t think it’s you, it’s not. I just… I can’t do the getting excited about college and the future, not yet.”
“God, I wish you’d have told me. I can see how hard it must have been.”
“It’s fine, really. I don’t expect people to put their lives on hold because something bad happened to me. But I also can’t pretend that everything is okay all of the time either.”
Silence fell over us. I didn’t want to make Lily feel bad, but the truth was, it wasn’t about her. It was about me. It was my burden to carry, my pain to endure.
My journey to live.
And I didn’t have all the answers right now as to how she could help me.
“Did you and Sean… you know…?” A faint smile traced her lips.
“No, we didn’t have sex. That’s not what last night was about, Lil.”
“Oh, okay.”
“I just needed to get out of my head.” I’d needed to think about anything besides Xander, but that had backfired when I’d spotted him across the bar.
God, I still couldn’t believe I’d done that. Accosted him while he was with his friend, and then kissed him like that while we sat in his truck.
I was an idiot, and a glutton for punishment apparently. But sitting there, wrapped in his arms, I’d felt it, the tether between us.
It was there, no matter how much he fought it.
I didn’t want to ever be that girl though, tricking guys into being with me. How pathetic he must have thought I was, throwing myself at him like that.
“Peyton?” Lily’s voice snapped me out of my trance.
“Yeah?” I forced a weak smile.
“Are you sure there’s nothing else?”
She knew.
Of course Lily knew I was keeping something from her. But she probably thought it had to do with my situation, and not her uncle’s brother.
No wonder Xander had no hesitations in stopping me. There was so much at stake, too much. Lily and Ashleigh would never look at me the same if they knew the truth. If they knew how I felt about Xander, if they knew what I wanted from him.
Shame burned through me.
I hadn’t meant for it to happen. To develop these feelings for him. But I had and now I didn’t know how to make them go away.
Because I didn’t look at Xander and see a silly high school crush. I saw a guy who had spent most of his life shielding himself from those around him. I saw a guy who built walls around his heart and vowed to never let anyone inside. I saw a guy with pain in his eyes. A guy with darkness in his heart.
I saw a kindred spirit.
I saw myself.
And in the few moments we’d talked, and opened up to each other, I saw past all that. Whether he knew it or not, Xander had let me in and now I wanted more.
I wanted to know the guy he never let the world see.
I wanted it so badly it hurt.
Tears welled in my eyes and Lily reached for me, pulling me into her arms. “Oh, babe, don’t cry. I’m here. I’m right here, Peyton. It’s going to be okay. I promise, everything will be okay.” She hugged me and I held on tight.
Because in that moment silence was a better answer than all the things I wanted to say and never could.
“Peyton, wait up.” Sean jogged over to me, his dirty-blond hair falling in and out of his eyes with every step.
“I really need to get to class,” I said, hoping to avoid a scene.
He’d texted me yesterday apologizing for abandoning me at the bar. It wasn’t like I could tell him I got a ride home with Xander, so I’d made up some story about getting a ride with a friend’s family member, knowing it was unlikely he would ever put two and two together.
“Just a minute, yeah?” He gently grabbed my wrist, my eyes immediately going to the spot where his fingers held me.
“Sean…”
“Come on. I said I was sorry.”
“It doesn’t matter. It was a mistake, Sean,” I said, yanking my arm away. “I should never have gone with you.”
“Why do you have to be such a fucking bitch all the time?”
I jerked back as if he’d slapped me in the face, my cheeks burning. It didn’t help that a group of juniors walked by at that exact moment, snickering at us. At me.
“What did you just call me?” I seethed.
“You heard me. You’re a fucking cocktease, Peyton. Acting too good for me.”
“I… that’s not what I was doing.”
“Oh, come on, babe.” He sneered. “You were practically begging me to fuck you over the summer and now you’re acting like—”
“How dare you?” My voice quivered as tears stung my eyes. “We were never dating. I didn’t owe you anything then, and I sure as hell don’t owe you anything now. You asked me out. I told you I’d come as your friend… I didn’t promise you anything. Besides you weren’t that bothered, you left with another freaking girl.”
“Yeah, only because you—”
“Oh my God, get over yourself. How many times do I have to say it? I’m not interested.”
“That’s bullshit and you know it.” He went to reach for me again, but I batted his hand away.
“Don’t touch me. Don’t you dare touch me.”
He snorted, stepping into my personal space. “Such a high opinion of yourself, when you’re nothing more than trailer trash with a tight pussy.”
His words slammed into me with such venom I couldn’t believe I was looking at the same guy as the one who had begged me to go out with him Saturday.
“You’re a fucking mess,” he spat the words.
“Back the fuck up, Farrow.” Relief sank into me at the sound of Bryan’s voice, quickly chased away by fear as he stepped between us and right up to Sean.
“I always knew you were a piece of shit.”
“Go fuck yourself, Hughes.”
“Say that again, asshole.” Bryan etched closer, shoving his face into Sean’s.
“Bryan!” I shrieked, grabbing his arm. “Don’t.”
“I heard what he said,” he seethed. “You think I’m going to let him talk to you like that?”
“You two deserve each other,” Sean taunted. “You’re so fucking desperate to play hero and she’s the damaged princess. Good luck trying to piece her back together.”
Before I could stop him, Bryan launched himself at Sean and the two of them crashed into the wall, throwing fists and elbows.
A scream tore from my throat as someone yelled, “Fight!”
Kids scrambled to our quiet corner of the quad, forming a semi-circle around us as Bryan and Sean beat the crap out of each other. Ashleigh rushed to my side, lacing her arm through mine. “Oh my God, what happened?”
“I… I don’t—”
“Okay, okay, break it up,” Jason waded into the fray. “Break it the hell up. Now.” He hauled Bryan off Sean and shoved him to the side. “Stand down, Hughes. Stand the hell down.”
Blood gushed from Sean’s nose. “You fucking asshole,” he snarled.
“Walk it off, Farrow. Straight to the nurse’s room.” He swung around and pinned Bryan with a murderous look. “I’ll deal with you later. Get the hell out of here. All of you.”
Ashle
igh started to lead me away, but Lily’s dad wasn’t done. “Peyton, a word please.”
Oh God.
My heart leaped into my throat.
“Want me to stay?” Ashleigh whispered, but I shook my head.
“It’s fine, go. I’ll catch up with you later.”
I didn’t meet Jason’s piercing stare as we waited for the crowd to disperse.
“Let’s walk,” he said.
I fell into step beside him as we walked away from the school building and around the side toward the gym.
“Want to tell me what that was all about?”
“How do you know it had anything to do with me?” I peeked up at him.
“Peyton, I may be what you kids consider old, but I’m no fool. There are only two reasons guys fight like that. Because they’re ass over elbow drunk, or over a woman. And since it’s no secret Bryan has a soft spot for you…”
“Fine, you got me.” I inhaled a ragged breath. “But I didn’t know that was going to happen.”
“I’m not blaming you, Peyton.” Jason held open the door to the locker room and ushered me inside.
It was strange being in here when it was empty. Not that I made a habit of sneaking into the boys locker room. I didn’t. But me, Ashleigh, and Poppy had snuck in once or twice to prank Aaron.
“Sit,” he said, motioning to the chair opposite his desk. “Now, why don’t you tell me what really happened?”
“Bryan was just defending me.”
Anger flickered in his eyes, but not the wild kind that had been simmering in Sean’s gaze earlier. No, this was the calm, controlled type of anger that came with years of learning to harness your emotion.
“Did Sean…do something to hurt you?”
“He… he said some things. Things I’d rather not repeat.”
“Peyton, I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what happened.”
“I went out with him Saturday, as friends,” I quickly added. “He misread the situation.”
“You said you were hanging out with friends Saturday.”
“I was… or at least, I thought I was.” My eyes darted to my hands.
“I see.” His words were tight. “And where were you hanging out?”
“It wasn’t like… that.” I lifted my gaze to his. He was Lily’s dad, the man who had taken me in when I had nowhere else to go. I owed him. I owed him more than I could ever repay. But still, it felt weird talking to him about this stuff. And it had nothing to do with the fact I was still keeping some things to myself.
“Hey, Jase—sorry, I didn’t realize you were busy.”
My heart fluttered at Xander’s voice. I felt him behind me, felt the tension rippling off him.
“What is it?”
“It can wait,” he said. “Is everything okay?” His eyes burned holes into the back of my head, but I didn’t glance back because I knew if I did, I’d give myself away.
“Nothing I can’t handle,” Jase said. “We’ll be done soon and then we can go over those game tapes.”
“Sounds good.” Xander tapped the door. “I’ll be in the assistant coaches’ office.”
Jason gave him a small nod, waiting for him to leave. “Sorry about that.”
“It’s okay,” I said, trying to get a hold of my emotions.
My skin felt too tight, my chest constricted. Could Lily’s dad see the change in me? Hear the rapid beat of my heart in my chest? Could he see the stain in my cheeks, no matter how hard I tried to silently will myself not to blush?
“I know it hasn’t been easy for you, Peyton, and I know I’m not very good at this kind of thing, but it’s important to me that you know I’m here, okay?”
“Thank you.” I swallowed over the giant lump in my throat. “I’ll be forever grateful to you and Felicity.”
“We know it’s going to take time for you to heal, but we’re here for you. Every step of the way.”
Tears pricked the corners of my eyes. “I should probably get to class.”
“Of course.” He smiled. “And you come straight to me if Sean Farrow causes you any more issues. I’ll be having a firm word with him and Bryan. I suspect Principal Kiln will also want to talk to them, but I’ll do my best to keep your name out of it.”
“Thank you.” I stood, smoothing my hair from my face. “I’ll see you later.”
“You will. And Peyton?” he said as I reached the door. I glanced back. “You’re too good for a guy like Sean Farrow.”
I walked out of there with shame on my heels.
If only he knew.
I didn’t go back to class, not after everything. Instead, I slipped around the side of the gym and hid in the shadows. The building kissed the tree line bordering this side of the school. Kids came around here all the time at recess to smoke, but it was empty right now.
Pressing my head against the brick, I inhaled a breath, shuddering at the icy-cold air flooding my lungs.
Everything was such a mess.
I shouldn’t have gone with Sean Saturday night. Although I knew I didn’t deserve his cruel words, I also knew that I was partly to blame for giving him false hope. I’d told him I wasn’t interested, but it hadn’t stopped me from drinking with him, dancing and laughing. But I’d just wanted to feel something other than the gnawing numbness I felt every second of every minute.
Sometimes it wasn’t numbness at all. Sometimes it was pain so deep, so vast, that it felt like the only way to get rid of it would be to slice open my chest and bleed out.
I’d gone with Sean to feel something else, to lose myself in the noisy crowd and cheap liquor. I’d gone because the thought of going back to the Ford’s alone was so terrifying, partying with Sean had seemed like a better option. Even when deep down, I knew it was a terrible idea. I’d created this mess… and now I had to deal with the consequences.
“Peyton?” My head whipped up to find Xander standing there.
“What do you want?” It came out sharp.
“What happened?”
“Why do you care?”
His stare was aching. “Come on. That’s not… Shit, do you know what I even risk being out here?”
“So why are you here?” I glared at him, my body trembling with rage and frustration.
“I wanted to make sure you were okay. I heard there was a fight…”
“I’m fine. You should go.”
“Yeah.” But Xander made no move to leave. We stared at one another, locked in some silent battle of the wills.
“I can’t do this,” I said, shoving past him. Tears threatened to burst free as I grappled with my emotion. But I completely froze when a hand brushed mine.
Xander’s hand.
My breath caught as I dropped my gaze to where his hand lay against mine. But I was too confused, too weary, to try to decipher what it meant. His mixed signals were giving me whiplash.
So without another word, I walked away from him…
And I didn’t look back.
Chapter Sixteen
Xander
Letting her walk away from me was one of the hardest things I’d ever done. Something was wrong. And not just with us. But with her.
I’d heard there was a fight and the second Bryan Hughes and Sean Farrow’s names were mentioned, my mind instantly went to Peyton.
Had that little shit done something to her? Said something?
Peyton was already so fragile. Strong yes, but her strength was cracked. Fractured. And I hadn’t helped matters. But I had responsibilities. I worked here, and she… she was a student here. Did she understand the kind of shitshow that would rain down on us if the truth came out?
I’d always been a morally gray character, but I drew the line at the corruption of a minor. Even if her soul called to mine like a moth to a flame.
Fuck.
Everything was so fucked.
I pounded my fist on the wall, wincing with the bolt of pain that ricocheted up my arm.
“Chase?” A familiar voice said. “What
the hell are you doing out here?” Coach Huckley appeared, eyeing me with disdain.
“Just needed a smoke,” I lied.
“You need to quit that shit, and no smoking on school property. You should know better than that,” he sneered.
“It’s been a rough morning. Give a guy a break, yeah?” My brows quirked up, but his grimace didn’t budge.
“You’re lucky I caught you out here and not a group of kids. It sets no example for—”
“I get it,” I snapped, growing tired of his bullshit lectures. “We should probably head back inside.” Barging past him, I went to turn the corner, but his voice stopped me at the last second.
“I know he’s offered you a permanent position, Chase.”
“That’s between me and Ja—Coach Ford.” I glanced back.
“That’s the thing though, a decision like that affects all of us.”
My brows pinched. “If there’s something you want to say, Huckley, then spit it out.”
His tawny eyes narrowed, full of contempt and judgment. “You don’t deserve to be here. Good men were overlooked for you.”
“Say what you really mean,” I grumbled. “Look, Darryn, you don’t like me, fine. But I’m here to do a job and while I am, I’m going to do it. If you have a problem with that, take it up with the boss.”
I didn’t look back as I went around and slipped inside the gym.
“Problem?” Jase said the second I reached his office.
“Just Huckley doing his civic duty to remind me I don’t belong here.”
“I know the guy can be a little… difficult—”
“Difficult? He’s just waiting for me to drop the ball so he can pounce.”
“He’s harmless.” Jase let out a small sigh.
“We’ll see.”
Five minutes earlier, and he would have caught me and Peyton. That would have been all the ammunition he needed.
“You wanted to see me earlier?”
“I was hoping to get Wednesday afternoon off,” I said.
“It’s the final week of practice, Xan. We have a lot—”
“It’s the anniversary of his death.”
“Shit.” Jase sank back in his seat. “Of course it is. Sorry, I didn’t—”