Author: Andrew Mackay
Category: Humorous
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"Yes," Katz said. "We’ve made a discovery which we can share with you. Perhaps we can trade updates. It could help to make some sense out of what’s been happening."
"Oh—"
"—See you in thirty minutes. Katz, over and out."
Androgyne sniffed around the air. Her sensors flew off the charts, "I’m sensing an unusual odor in the air. What is it?"
Zillah crouched to her knees and held her head in her hands, "Ugghhh…"
"What are you doing?"
Zillah moved her hands away from her face. A trickle of pink, thick liquid slung from her right eye and down her cheek, "Androgyne, I have something to tell you. You’re not going to like it."
"What are you going to tell me?"
"You’re not human," Zillah scooped the pink goo off her cheek with her knuckle and licked it, "You’re an android. Do you know how I know this?"
"Why are you bleeding?" Androgyne went to touch Zillah’s face, only to have her hand patted away in defiance by the ship’s captain.
"Didn’t you hear what I just said?"
"What?"
"You are not human. Do you know how I know?"
Androgyne’s face fell as she took in the revelation, "No, I do not. How do you know?"
Zillah grabbed the back of the communications chair and spun it around.
Alpha’s Androgyne, identical in every way to Beta’s, lay lifeless in the chair. The front of its face had been removed. The once-pulsating brain had dried up and developed a thin layer of skin over it.
"I don’t know what happened during the black out. It fried our communications and terminated our droid. I found her like this."
Androgyne looked her peer in the face and paused. She traced her finger over the droid’s skull. It was as if she was looking in a mirror, "Is… is it me?"
"No, it’s not you," Zillah backed up against the door with caution, "Well, that’s not strictly true. It’s not you, but it is one of you."
Androgyne looked up from the chair in confusion, "Not one of me?"
"I’m sorry, Androgyne," Zillah thumped the panel on the wall. The door to the control deck opened. She stepped through it, trying not to show any emotion, "Please forgive me."
The door slid shut, sealing Androgyne in with her dead counterpart, "No, you can’t do this. Don’t leave me in here!"
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Captain Katz, Tripp, Bonnie, Jaycee, and Haloo strapped themselves into their outer-skins. They prepared to disembark Space Opera Beta.
Bonnie held Jelly in her arms and made a fuss of her, "Hey, honey. Are you ready for an adventure of a lifetime?"
"Bonnie, stop talking weird to the cat, please," Katz yanked the zip up to his helmet, "Let’s try to keep first contact with Alpha as professional as possible."
Bonnie smirked and bounced Jelly around in her arms. She affected a cutesy voice, indirectly talking to Katz through the animal, "What’s that, Jelly? Yes, he is being a miserable old so-and-so, isn’t he?"
Katz looked up in horror at Bonnie, much to everyone else’s amusement, "Dr. Whitaker."
"Don’t pay attention to the nasty man," Bonnie continued. "He’s just unhappy that he can’t smoke in space."
Katz gave as good as he got. He stroked the top of Jelly’s head and gave as good as he was getting, "What’s that, Jelly? Yes, that’s right. Bonnie is a feisty one with a chip on her shoulder, isn’t she?"
Jelly didn’t know which way to look. Her innocent eyes suggested she couldn’t stop the stupid feud between her colleagues.
‘Meow.’
Tripp, Jaycee, and Haloo burst out laughing.
"Don’t pay any attention to the nasty lady," Katz finished in his silly voice and winked at Bonnie, "She might be disciplined for insubordination. That’s right."
"Okay, that’s enough," Tripp folded down his visor, "You two can go get a room and turf it out once we’re done rescuing our friends."
"Mmm, sounds like a challenge," Bonnie licked her lips at Katz, "Wanna come back to my quarters and discipline me properly?"
"Not especially, no."
Katz turned to Jaycee and was taken aback by just how tooled up he was. He clutched his K-SPARK shotgun in his arm - grenades, flash bangs and tear gas lined his belt.
Two Rez-9 mini-guns hung over his thigh. The cannons on both boots completed the look.
Katz finally opened his mouth, "Traveling light today, Jaycee?"
"Yeah, not much is worrying me on this one."
"So I see."
Katz flipped down his visor.
An array of digital messages zipped across his screen. The mouthpiece on his headset crept across his lips, "Wool ar-Ban, Tor Klyce, this is Captain Daryl Katz. Can you read me?"
"Yes, captain," Wool’s voice came through his visor.
"We are disembarking, now. Heading for Opera Alpha."
"Understood."
Tor and Wool stood in front of the communications deck on Opera Beta.
They watched the first airlock hatch open and allow the team inside. The door shut behind them and the chamber decompressed.
"Captain, we have a bit of an issue with the comms link to Androgyne," Tor flicked through some buttons on the deck.
"What is it?" Katz asked, turning to the outer door.
"We’ve lost communication. She must have hit a black spot."
"Understood. We will establish contact once we reach Alpha."
Jaycee turned to Jelly in Bonnie’s arms, "Why are we taking the cat on board?"
"She’s going to tell us what’s going on, hopefully."
The outer airlock door slid open and revealed the bridge streaking across the infinite vacuum of space. Alpha loomed on the other end.
"Crossing now," Katz led the way. He grabbed the bridge railings and propelled himself forward, "Androgyne, Zillah? Can you read me?"
No response. Katz looked at Alpha’s outer airlock hatch. He hoped one of the two people on board Alpha would open it for them ahead of time, "I repeat, do you read us?"
"The patch is down, captain," Tor’s voice came through the headset, "It should only be for a few minutes. If worse comes to the worse, just use your glove on the panel to get in. It shouldn’t be an issue. I’ll keep Beta outer lock door on standby in case anything untoward occurs."
"Thanks, Tor," Katz looked over his shoulder. Haloo, Tripp, Jaycee, and Bonnie followed behind, "Team, keep your wits about you when we board. Watch your six. Comms are going dark."
Tripp gripped the bridge railing, fighting off the urge to marvel at Saturn. He needed to keep moving, "What’s happened?"
"They must have changed frequency. Tor thinks it might be a black spot."
"Meow," Jelly shifted in Bonnie’s arms. She wanted to be released.
"Ooh, no, Jelly. Not now, sweetie," Bonnie said to her. "It’s not safe out here."
Tripp reached Katz as he prepared to place his glove on the panel beside the airlock, "I hope they’re both okay in there."
Androgyne banged on the control deck door with her fist, "Let me out of here!"
Zillah had her trapped inside the control deck. She had Opera Alpha’s complete flight deck to herself. She would send a distress if she knew how. Fortunately, she knew Manuel could assist her.
"Manuel?" she called out in desperation.
The book appeared in front of her. It banged its front and back covers together, "Good after-morning, Androgyne. How can I be of assistance?"
“After morning?” she heaved and tried to regulate her breathing, "You’re speaking weird. Just get me out of here,"
"No, I don’t think so," Manuel floated back and double-over itself, "You see, Miss Zillah has locked you in here for a reason."
"What reason?"
"Something happened to our ship. I don’t know what happened, but the result was that everyone died."
"Wh-what do you mean?"
Manuel vaporized into a thousand pieces of holographic molecules, rendering himself gone, "I have cut off a
ll channels of communication to your crew. You are to remain here until they board."
"No, no," Androgyne panicked and held her mouthpiece steady, determined to make contact with her crew, "Captain Katz, this is Androgyne. Do you read me? Do not board Alpha. I repeat, do not board Alpha. Something is wrong."
The outer airlock door slid up, offering Katz, Tripp, Jaycee, Haloo, Bonnie, and Jelly into the airlock. They hadn’t received Androgyne’s message.
"Airlock closing," Tripp yanked the lever and shut the five of them inside, "Commence decompression."
The red bulb inside the airlock spun around signaling the start of the pressure release.
Jaycee lifted his K-SPARK auto firearm and peered through the inner airlock door. He saw someone stare back at them.
"There’s someone there. I think it’s Captain Chin-Dunne."
"Step aside, Jaycee," Katz turned to Jaycee, "Let me do the introductions and pleasantries. When we’re in I want you and Tripp to establish surviving crew and escort them onto Beta. Take them to Medix and run a full health diagnostic."
"Yes, captain."
"Haloo?" Katz asked.
"Yes, Captain."
"Keep it simple. I want a full report on Botanix. Zillah said something about distress. Let’s see how much we can salvage."
"Yes, Captain."
"Bonnie," Katz said. "You and I will update Zillah and introduce her to Anderson."
"Okay."
The inner airlock door opened. The five Opera Beta crew members’ silhouettes bled across the ground and reached the boots belonging to Opera Alpha’s host; Zillah Chin-Dunne.
It was as if nothing had happened. She seemed very happy to see them. Katz felt it strange that Androgyne wasn’t with her.
Katz stepped forward, ushering his crew toward their new friend.
"My name is Captain Daryl Katz of USARIC’s Space Opera Beta. This is my crew."
"I’m so happy to see you," Zillah shook hands with Katz, who was surprised by her vice-like grip, "We’re all so glad you came for us."
"That concerns us, Zillah," Katz scanned the airlock exterior. No significant damage had been done.
"We didn’t receive a distress call."
"You didn’t?"
"No," Katz walked forward with the others. They poked around the immediate area, scanning for any signs of life or damage, "Our mission is to Enceladus. We are to decipher Saturn Cry, and we think we may have the answer."
“Meow," Jelly spotted Zillah and growled.
Zillah backed away and covered her chest with both arms, "You brought a cat up here?"
"Yes," Bonnie said, "We made a discovery. The cat is responding to Saturn Cry—"
"—Get that… thing… off my ship."
Jelly growled and launched out of Bonnie’s arms. She tried to grab the creature but failed to respond in time.
Jelly’s paws hit the floor. She trundled toward Zillah with her tail bushed and growled at her.
"I d-don’t like c-cats," Zillah said. "I’m, uh, allergic."
"It’s okay," Katz smirked. "She won’t bite."
Jelly sat on her hind legs straight and looked up at Zillah, "Meow."
"What in God’s name does USARIC think it’s doing? Bringing a cat into space?"
Tripp approached Zillah and nodded toward the front of the ship, "We’d like to run a few diagnostic tests if possible. Get your crew out of hyper-sleep and have them embark Beta so we can get you all to safety."
"Yes, of course," Zillah said. "Perhaps we could start with a briefing in our crew hub?"
"Okay."
***
Tor paced around Opera Beta’s control deck, muttering. Wool found his behavior strange.
"What are you doing?"
"I’m figuring something out, wait a second," he said, deep in contemplation, "Something isn’t right."
"Why, what’s the problem?"
"Communications are still down. We’ve lost Androgyne. I think the autopilot might be interfering," Tor looked up and snapped his fingers, "Manuel?"
The holographic book appeared in the middle of the room, "Hello, Tor. How can I assist you?"
"I’m sorry to have to do this to you, but while Katz and the team are on Alpha, I need to know you’re not causing interference."
"I understand."
"Power-down Manuel, two-point-two," Tor said as Manuel vanished, "Reconcile manual control."
The control deck lit up, indicating that Tor was now in charge of Space Opera Beta.
"What are you doing?"
Tor made his way over to Wool, "Remember what happened to Baldron a few hours ago?"
"Yes. He’s a traitor."
"I’m afraid he wasn’t alone."
He gripped the lever on the deck and yanked it back.
The bridge connecting the two ships began to roll back and separate the two ships.
"What are you doing?"
"What does it look like I’m doing?" Tor said. "I’m retracting the bridge."
"What?" Wool jumped to her feet and thought about preventing Tor from pulling the bridge back, "Why?"
"We have the message decoded and everyone’s on the other ship, just as planned. We have everything we need, now."
"What? We?"
"Yes."
Tor punched Wool in the face, instantly knocking her out. She spun around and landed in his arms.
"Shh. Good girl," Tor’s accent changed from American to Russian instantly, "Let’s get you chained up where you belong."
N-Carcerate
Space Opera Beta
Tor dragged the unconscious Wool by her arms across the metal gantry. Baldron stood up from his prison bay and watched his comrade lay her flat across the floor.
"You took your time," Baldron said in his Russian accent. He thumped the thick glass, "I’m fed up with having to do that stupid Yank accent. Get me out of here."
"Okay, yes. In a moment."
"Did they board the Alpha?"
"All except this one, here. I took care of her."
Tor hopped over to Baldron’s cell door and placed his glove against the transparent panel, "Come on, get out."
The door slid open.
"Comrade," Baldron opened his arms and hugged Tor.
"We have what we need. Or, rather, we have what we don’t need."
"Did you shut Manuel down?"
"Yes," Tor looked Baldron up and down, "But your reckless antics nearly cost us the mission."
"It is not my fault he switched cups. I am fortunate that I did not sip from it."
"That stupid cat ruined everything," Tor marched over to Wool’s feet, "Here, assist me with this stupid American woman."
"My pleasure."
Baldron slid his hands under Wool’s armpits. Tor took her ankles. They lifted her up and threw her into cell four.
"My word, she’s heavier than she looks."
"Must be all those cheeseburgers they eat. Oh, who cares?" Tor smacked his palm against the plate, "Goodnight, princess."
As the door slid to a close, the red light came to life above the frame. Wool was now a prisoner on her own ship.
"What now?" Baldron asked. "Is everyone else on board Alpha?"
"Imbecile. I told you already that they are," Tor walked off, with Baldron following, "We send a message back to Dimitri Vasilov. Tell him we have deciphered Saturn Cry. We tell them, also, that the crew of Space Opera Beta are dead when they tried to rescue Alpha."
"Very good," Baldron said, making quotation marks with his forefingers, "Tor Klyce. Where did you come up with such a stupid pseudonym?"
"Oh! You are one to speak, Baldron Landaker. I could ask you the same question. Where did you come up with such a stupid name?"
Tor made his way out of N-Carcerate and adjusted his headset, "We keep using our aliases for the time being. I will send a message to Dimitri and inform them of the bad news, and that we are charting a course back to Earth."
"What do I do?"
"I do not k
now," Tor looked at Baldron and sighed, "Make yourself useful and go into hyper-sleep?"
***
Zillah walked the crew of Opera Beta into Alpha’s conference hub, "I have a couple of things to tell you. It’s not much, but it’s all that we know."
Tripp, Katz, Bonnie, and Haloo took a seat around the table. Jaycee found it difficult to sit into the chair due to enormity of his armor. Zillah sniggered and watched him try to get comfortable.
"Are you okay?"
"Yes, I’m fine," Jaycee said. "Carrying quite a load, here."
"So I see, big boy."
Zillah turned to the rest of the crew. She circled her own face with her finger, "You may remove your visors, incidentally. It’s perfectly breathable here."
Katz and his team looked at each other. One by one, they carefully removed their visors and took a deep breath.
"That’s right, every one. Get a good, deep lungful."
And so, they did. Every one’s chest inflated and deflated, thoroughly absorbing the air.
Zillah rubbed her hands and called up a holographic image of Opera Alpha from the central conference deck.
"As you can see, Alpha took a considerable amount of damage. The centrifuge stopped rotating, causing a lift in gravity. Once the backup drives took effect, most of Alpha’s operations returned to normal."
"So you were hit by something?" Tripp asked. "Debris? Meteorites?"
Zillah shook her head, "Neither. The power-down occurred quite out of the blue."
She waved the image of the ship away and pulled up a live feed of the moon Enceladus, "We were six hours away from Enceladus when it happened. Manuel picked up this image. Can you see it?"
Everyone leaned in to look at the dark side of Enceladus.
"No?" Katz said.
"Here," Zillah enlarged the picture with her hand, "Something fantastic happened. We discovered something on the dark side of Enceladus. A pink gas cloud funneling from its core. Typical attributes of a wormhole. As it turns out, the source of Saturn Cry."
Tripp shook his head, "What is that pink thing?"
Bonnie released Jelly onto the conference table. She stretched her legs and trundled over to the holographic feed of Enceladus, "Meow."