Author: Andrew Mackay
Category: Humorous
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Jelly clawed at it, but her paws sank through the image. She fell forward, confused.
"Jelly, behave," Bonnie patted the table in an attempt to get the cat to return to her.
Zillah found Jelly’s presence on the table infuriating.
"So, what you’re saying is that Enceladus is a portal?" Tripp asked.
"It contains a wormhole on the dark side. To where, we don’t know."
Haloo scanned the hub and realized someone was missing, "Zillah, where is Androgyne?"
"She’s in the control deck."
Trapped inside Opera Alpha’s control deck, Androgyne freaked out next to her deceased counterpart.
Saturn hung in the star-filled sky, seemingly looking down on her. A giant, beautiful planet that blocked any kind of meaningful progress.
She held her finger to her ear in the hope someone could come to her aid, "Hello? Does anybody read me?"
No response.
"Hello? This is Tor Klyce in Opera Beta. Is that you Androgyne?"
"Oh God, yes. Tor, it’s me," she said with relief, "Listen, I am stuck. Zillah has trapped me on Alpha. I can’t get out. My lungs are tightening up, it’s as if the room is running out of air…"
"Oh, that’s a shame, isn’t it?" Tor responded with little emotion.
"Yes, it is. Please, help me."
"No, I don’t think so."
"What?" Androgyne ran around in circles and attempted to compute Tor’s words. She felt her limbs slow down and get heavier, "Why won’t you help me?"
"Because I want you to die with the others."
She reached the corner of the control deck and a ten-foot-high compartment. Desperate to find a tool that might rescue her, she yanked on the door.
It flung outward, releasing Zillah’s dead, deflated body.
"Agh," Androgyne stepped out of the corpse’s fall toward the ground, "She’s dead. She’s dead."
"Who’s dead?" Tor asked.
"Zillah. She has some sort of pink blood on her face. Oh my God, she’s dead…"
"Androgyne?" Tor interrupted. "Listen to me very carefully."
"Yes, yes?"
She took a step back in complete confusion. Looking around for a way out proved to be futile in the extreme.
"It’s very simple Androgyne. You and the crew of Opera Beta are going to die."
"What?"
"Goodbye, Androgyne."
The communication cut off, leaving Androgyne with two corpses in the control deck and very little else.
She just about managed to stagger to the free chair next to her counterpart’s body. She sat into it, coughing and spluttering, and looked at her knees.
A drop of pink blood splashed against her thigh.
Her eyes bled a thick, pink liquid.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Botanix
Space Opera Alpha
Zillah walked the crew of Opera Beta into the partially-destroyed botanical area of her ship.
The plants had withered. Most had disintegrated into a black husk. The remaining plant life had turned a sickly-looking pink color.
"As you can see, Botanix took a lot of the damage."
"The oh-two levels won’t have helped if there was an explosion," Haloo lifted a device from her pocket. It sprang to life and took a meter reading, "Do you remember an explosion?"
Zillah shook her head and watched Jelly growl as she prowled her way through the plants, "No, no explosion. Not that we can recall."
"Everything just went dark?" Bonnie asked, looking over at the water coolant.
"Yes, utter darkness," Zillah paused to close her eyes and take in a lungful of air, "Mmm. Even with the majority of the systems down, every so often, I come back here and enjoy the clean air. It reminds me of Earth."
"Really?" Haloo took a reading from the room.
"I’ve been up here for so long. It gets lonely."
"I’m sure," Katz said. "I think we’ve seen enough. Tripp?"
"Captain," he walked over to him and pulled him aside. "Can I have a quick word?"
"Certainly."
Tripp walked with Katz to the corner of the Botanix chamber and kept his voice low. "Are you thinking what I’m thinking?"
"Probably," Katz kept a stern eye on Zillah inhaling the clean air, "Alpha’s Captain is not in proper operating order."
"I don’t like this at all," Tripp whispered. "Something has happened here. None of it makes any sense."
"Power down for twenty minutes? No-one remembers anything?" Katz agreed, "Something’s gone spectacularly wrong."
"Want to know what I think?"
"What?"
"I think they went through whatever that thing is on Enceladus."
"The wormhole?"
"Yes," Tripp lowered his voice for fear of being overheard, "I think we should wake Alpha’s crew up and put them in quarantine."
Tripp caught Katz looking at him strangely, "What? What’s wrong?"
"Your eye. It’s bleeding."
"Huh?"
Tripp ran his finger across his cheek. A blob of pink liquid appeared on his glove. He blinked hard in an attempt to squash whatever remained of the substance from his tear duct, "Is it gone now?"
"No," Katz cleared his throat and stormed over to Zillah, "I think we’ve seen enough. Can I have everybody’s attention, please?"
Haloo, Jaycee, Bonnie, and Jelly turned to Katz and awaited his instruction.
"With Zillah’s approval, we’ll reconvene with Androgyne and awake her crew from hyper-sleep. It is our opinion that Alpha is not salvageable, so we’ll have to leave her where she is."
Zillah didn’t like what she’d heard. Instead of responding inappropriately, she crouched to her knees and offered her arms to Jelly, "Come here, girl."
"Meow."
Jelly ran along the plants and jumped into her arms. She held out her infinity claws for Zillah to make a fuss over.
"Captain Katz," Zillah pressed her face against Jelly’s and smiled, "I’m afraid you do not have my blessing. You see, Space Opera Alpha is my ship. I’m afraid I cannot let her wither away to nothing a billion miles away from Earth."
"I’m afraid that is an assertion for you to make. Captain."
Zillah rubbed noses with Jelly. The cat pawed at her cheeks and widened her eyes. Her pupils went from dark orange to yellow in a few seconds, "Follow me, everyone."
"Where?" Tripp asked.
"Good girl," Zillah walked out of Botanix with Jelly in her arms, "Perhaps I will oblige Captain Katz after all."
Tripp and Katz watched her walk through the door. They were somewhat hesitant to follow her.
"That’s one weird chick."
The hyper-sleep chamber on Space Opera Alpha was an exact replica of Opera Beta’s. Seven pods in total. Only one of them was open - Zillah’s.
She stood with Jelly in her arms and stroked her head, "Look, Jelly. My crew are fast asleep."
Bonnie and Jaycee followed her in. Haloo, Katz, and Tripp walked in after them.
"Good, good. Let’s get them up and ready, Zillah," Katz said.
She turned around one-hundred-and-eighty-degrees to face Katz and his crew. She lifted Jelly to her face and listened to her purr.
"I cannot do that, Captain Katz."
"Why not?" he asked.
"Because…" Zillah closed her eyes, "They’re all dead."
One by one, the fronts of each pod clanged opened to reveal a gray, rotten corpse.
Jaycee squeezed his machine gun in his hands, surveying the array of dead bodies. His trigger finger itched up a storm, "My God…"
Zillah rubbed her face against Jelly’s belly.
Bonnie held back the others and stepped forward, "Zillah?"
"Mmm," she moaned and squeezed Jelly in her arms, "You came here looking for answers, didn’t you?"
"Zillah," Bonnie tried. "Give me Jelly."
"Meow," Jelly fanned out her claws. The metal connected with Zillah’s face and tore at her lips.
&
nbsp; "Let me show you something fantastic," Zillah lifted her head and opened her mouth.
Her top lip crept up along her gums and folded up over her nose. Her bottom lip slung down over her bottom row of teeth and slid under her chin.
The crew watched, open-jawed, as Zillah’s body elevated five inches into the air.
And then, a familiar ‘cry’ emitted from her chest and open mouth.
Hisss… followed by an electrical guitar sound.
And then, twelve seconds in… a familiar whump. Jelly shrieked and launched out of Zillah’s arms.
"M-My God…" Tripp gazed the bizarre, demonic light show.
"Yes, I am," Zillah’s voice crept in along the hiss, a bizarre fusion of static and growl, "Pink… Symphony…"
Twenty seconds into the hiss. Another whump barreled through the hyper-sleep chamber.
Zillah’s skin slurped from her head and melted down her suit.
"She’s dead already?" Tripp gasped. "Look at her!"
"They’re using her as a transmitter," Bonnie stepped back and scooped the petrified cat from the floor, "We gotta get out of here."
"You… cannot… leave…" Zillah’s body convulsed and flipped inside out, blasting fragments of her skin suit in all directions, "Pink Symphony."
"Everyone out," Katz bolted to the door, "Now."
Zillah’s body jig sawed in-and-out and expanded with the chamber, bursting the screen doors on each hyper-sleep pod, "Gaahhh!"
"Get out of here, now," Bonnie chased along with the others toward the airlock.
"Tor," Katz pressed his finger to his ear, "Tor, this is Katz, do you read me?"
"Yes, Captain. This is Tor, you’re coming through loud and clear."
"We’re coming back. Zillah and Alpha team are deceased. We are in severe danger."
"Ah. That’s a negative, good buddy," Tor threatened over the connection, "Sorry to report that the bridge has been retracted and you’re on your own. Over."
Katz looked confused. The reality of their predicament sunk in. He had to make sure he’d heard his comms officer correctly, "What? Sorry, Tor, can you repeat?"
"Did he just say what I think he said?" Bonnie yelled as she reached the inner airlock hatch.
The connection died off. Tor was no longer available.
"My God, My God," Haloo began to freak out, "We’re going to die. We’re all going to die."
"No, Haloo," Tripp grabbed her shoulders and looked her in the eyes, "It’s okay. There’s been a miscommunication. Breathe."
"I am b-breathing," Haloo spluttered, a clump of snot pushed through her right nostril. She wiped her face and looked up at Tripp, "Please, d-don’t let us die."
The interior of the ship rumbled louder and louder.
"I d-don’t know what’s g-going on, b-but I want to go home."
"I know, I—" Tripp tried to calm her down but, instead, noticed a thick, pink teardrop rolling down her cheek, "Haloo?"
"Wh-what?"
"Your eye is bleeding."
Katz triggered his headset over and over but got no reply, "No, it’s no good. We’re cut off."
"What about Androgyne?" Jaycee kept an eye - and his shotgun - ready for Zillah, "We can’t leave her here."
"We have no choice," Katz said. "She’s replaceable. Haloo and I aren’t.”
“Huh?” Tripp screwed his face, “What the—”
“Long story. Let’s get back to Opera Beta and get away from whatever this thing is," Katz snapped on his glove and slammed his palm against the panel airlock. He expected it to open.
It didn’t.
"C’mon, open up," Katz patted the panel over and over again with his glove, "It’s not opening."
Androgyne sat next to her dead counterpart and felt a trickle of something race down her synthetic cheek.
It wasn’t blood. Instead, it resembled a transparent and clear bead of sweat.
She’d gotten over the worst of her turmoil and resigned herself to the fact she’d never be rescued. She didn’t know where the Beta crew were. All she knew was that she was a captive aboard the Opera Alpha and in serious peril.
She hit the intercom switch on the communication deck in a desperate bid to contact Opera Beta.
"This is Androgyne. Does anyone read me?"
To her surprise the static kicked up and produced a familiar voice.
"This is Space Opera Beta, communications officer Tor Klyce."
Androgyne felt a new emotion race through her body. She gasped for dear life and threw her body forward in haste.
"Tor, this is Androgyne. I am trapped on Opera Alpha. Something weird is happening."
"Yes, I know you are trapped, Androgyne. How are you?"
"I’m scared and I can’t get out. Please help me. Where are the others?
"They’re on board Alpha with you."
"Oh, thank God," she started crying floods of tears and watch them flood onto her glove, "There’s pink tears coming out of my eyes."
"Yes, it’s called crying," Tor’s voice sounded reassuring. "You’re scared, it’s perfectly natural."
"I can’t get through to them. Can you advise them that I am trapped? It’s Zillah, she’s not a good person. She put me here."
"You don’t remember the conversation we had ten minutes ago, do you?" Tor asked, "Unfortunately I am unable to help you, Androgyne."
"What? Why? Can you not establish contact with them?"
"No," he said with an eerie calmness, "It’s because I don’t want to."
"What?" Androgyne couldn’t believe what she was hearing, "What do you mean you don’t want to?"
"Because I want you and the Beta crew to perish with Zillah. And you’re going to assist me."
The reality of her situation finally hit home. The communication device slipped through her fingers.
"Androgyne, can you hear me?"
"Yes," she muttered, knowing she was about to die.
"On your forearm is a synthetic panel," he said. "Do you see it?"
She looked at her left forearm and closed her eyes.
"Yes, I see it."
"Good. Unfasten the housing and remove the cover."
She did as instructed. Two red buttons appeared next to a digital readout, "I’ve done it."
"Can you see two red buttons?"
She sniffed and cleared her throat, “Y-Yes.”
"You’re equipped with a self-destruct mechanism. Inside where your womb would be, if you were human, is a quarter tonne of C4. You will press the two buttons together with your free hand and keep it held down for five seconds, enabling a two-minute self-destruct scenario."
"No, no," she shook her head and tried to fight off her superior’s instruction, "No, I won’t."
"Yes, you will. Don’t disobey a direct order. It’s for your own good. You want to destroy Zillah, don’t you?"
"Yes, but everyone else will die, too."
"Ugh," Tor went silent for a few moments. Androgyne heard him scream at the top of his lungs, "God damn it, you will do as I say."
"No," Androgyne bit her lip and went to close the housing back to her forearm, "I will not murder my crew—"
"—You’re not human. You do know that, don’t you?" Tor’s voice shot through her earpiece, piercing her brain, "You’re an antiquated Androgyne. A a worthless, antiquated piece of metal that no junkyard would ever take."
She moved her fingers away from the housing and extended her forefinger and middle finger. "No, I’m n-not."
"You’re the second-least intelligent life aboard the Alpha, behind that stupid cat."
She nodded and blurted. Tor’s psychology was working wonders with her, "Repeat after me, Androgyne."
"Repeat after me, Androgyne," she recited, succumbing to Tor’s command.
"I am worthless…"
"I… am… worthless…"
"—Good," Tor’s voice perked up, "And I will sacrifice myself because it’s the noblest thing to do."
"… and I will sacrifice myself
, b-because it’s the noblest thing to do."
"Do it. Hold down the two buttons."
She pressed the buttons down and kept them held, "Please, forgive me for what I’m about to do."
"I never told you to say that," Tor barked through her ear piece, "Just do as you’re told, you useless tin of tuna."
Beep-beep.
"Self-destruct activated," announced the mechanism on her arm, "Two minutes until detonation."
Androgyne rose out of her chair feeling very sorry for herself.
"Well done, girl. You’ve just saved us from the bad guys. Now, go and sprawl over the flight deck. Maximize your damage to the Alpha’s mainframe, my beautiful walking time bomb.
Androgyne looked at the central control deck and walked over to it. She stopped a couple of footsteps away and looked at the flashing lights and levers.
Tor continued to speak into her ear, "Cover the control deck with your whole body."
Her forearm beeped quicker and quicker. Obliging her tormentor, she held out her hands and took one last look at Saturn.
"Close your eyes," Tor whispered.
The planet faded from sight as she closed her eyes. She fell forward with her arms outstretched and hit the flight deck chest-first.
"Nighty-night, princess."
Back at Alpha’s airlock, Jaycee pushed Katz out of the way and lifted his K-SPARK at the lock, "Move."
"What are you doing?"
"If we can’t open it manually, we’re gonna have to try some tough love."
"Wait," Tripp grabbed the barrel of the machine gun and pushed it away, "You are not going to blast the airlock open, are you?"
Jaycee stomped his foot, shaking the ground beneath, "If you’ve got a better idea, let us know."
"If you shoot the lock, you’ll kill us."
"And if we stay, we’re dead, anyway," Jaycee pushed Tripp to one side. He took three steps back and cocked the gun, aiming it at the panel, "You wanna put this to the vote?"
"No."
"Good, because this isn’t up for debate," Jaycee looked at Katz, "Permission to blow the inner airlock hatch, Captain Katz?"
Katz turned to the corridor that led to the airlock, "Yes, yes," he said, fearing an attack from Zillah - or something - was impending, "Do it. Everyone, visors down. We hit the bridge."